Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

How to Get Over an Argument Quickly (Young & Married Series)   If you’ve been married longer than 20 minutes, you’ve likely had an argument or two. The key to resolving conflict isn’t avoiding it but approaching it with a new perspective. In today’s episode, I’m giving you five takeaways for conflict resolution that will help you to get over your disagreements quicker.   Focus on the Issue at Hand So often, we get off on tangents, and instead of resolving the original conflict, we actually create more conflict because we haven’t learned how to focus on the issue at hand.   Ask, don’t accuse You can win more arguments by asking rather than accusing. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Don’t jump to conclusions, and by all means, don’t make rash accusations. I give a big coaching tip in this part of the podcast about making the “right” statements.   Have a resolution in mind What’s your end goal? How will engaging in this conversation (or disagreement) help to better your relationship? Is this a conversation that needs to happen or can you jot down your frustrations in a journal? Seriously, what’s the point of the conversation?   Don’t let the conflict linger If you feel things getting out of hand and you need to take a break, take a break, but come back! Don’t allow the conflict to linger on and on with no real resolution. I also talk about forgiveness here and how forgiveness plays out without you saying a word.   Don’t hit below the belt. I wish I didn’t have to explain this one, but oftentimes, in arguments, couples tend to say hurtful things that they can never get back. Be careful of your words, because contrary to popular thought, “Words do wound.”   You’ve got to listen to the full episode to get the full gist of today’s conversation. This might be one episode you want to bookmark to come back to later, and if your spouse is willing, listen to this episode with him/her! Remember that conflict does not destroy relationships; unresolved conflict does. So make a decision today to get over your arguments quickly to avoid conflict ruining your marriage.   Quotes mentioned in this episode: “Conflict cannot survive without your participation.  - Wayne Dyer   Links Mentioned in this Episode Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community! BONUS LINK: Setting Realistic Expectations in Your Marriage with Jenard Moore     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.            Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Ep. 54 - It’s Our Anniversary! Let's Celebrate   Marriages and relationships have been restored, new friendships have been made, and lives have been changed across 33 countries and more! I can hardly believe a year has gone by already! Our marriage podcast is growing and going thanks to you! Come along on today’s episode as we do a fantabulous year-in-review! Listen as I share some of the highlights of the past year, including favorite episodes, most talked about guests, and what’s in store for Real Relationship Talk as we enter into year two.   This special edition episode had me gleaming and beaming. Can I just say we have not missed one week of the podcast! Glory to God. Every single week we have brought you amazing guests, relevant relationship topics, and questions from our listeners. It has been such an honor to host this show. I am already working on some new things to continue to bring you my best.   Some of our highest talked about episodes include:   Episode 13 – The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships   Episode 2 – Overcoming Infidelity in Marriage – with Dr. Cyrus Williams   Episode 3 – Rebuilding Trust, Rebuilding Us – with Shaun Williams   Episode 26 – Making Love Outside the Bedroom – with Shaun Williams   I feel like we’ve only just begun! THANK YOU to those who have reviewed us on Apple Podcasts! Your recommendations go a long way! Please consider writing a review to help us reach more people with this message of hope.     Links Mentioned in this Episode Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community! Get my e-book The 5 Relationships that are Wrecking Your Life for FREE     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Is This All There Is? (Young and Married Series)   I don’t know about you, but I used to look at my marriage and wonder, “Is this all there is?” Is this the best it’s going to get? Disappointment can quickly settle in even to a new marriage and rob you of the love, joy, and wonder you felt on your wedding day. Newlyweds and long-term married couples, alike, often find themselves asking these same questions. The truth is you are the one who gets to determine the answer to that question.   In today’s episode, I share 7 relationship tips for you to begin to ask different questions about your marriage. Here are the tips:   Marriage Advice for Dealing with Disappointment   Ask yourself why are you disappointed? Go beyond your feelings. Understand that in marriage, seasons come and seasons go. Let go of what was to make room for what is. Get real with yourself. Remember that it’s about growth over perfection. Be the person you’d love to live with.   I want to encourage you to take an active stance in the formation of your marriage. Far too many spouses are passive about their own progress. You’re in the driver seat. You get to have the marriage that you work for. So, what’s it going to be?   For more on disappointment, check out Episode 40: Dealing with Disappointments in Relationships.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Get on the list for the upcoming Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

[Sweet Repeat]: Making Love Outside the Bedroom – with Shaun Williams   One of our highest-ranked podcast episodes was the episode where Shaun and I talked about making love outside the bedroom. We were 100 percent real and raw and heard from many of you how much that episode helped in your marriages. We were gearing up for a couples’ workshop (of the same name) at the time. The workshop was a huge success, and we are still hearing from couples who attended about how their intimacy (in all forms) has reached new heights.   Well, friends, I’ve been battling a respiratory infection over the last week that took away my voice, so instead of trying to prepare a new episode and introduction, Shaun took the helm on the podcast this week! He wanted to re-air the “Making Love Outside the Bedroom” episode in an attempt to butter me up once I’m better. LOL.   On a serious note, though, we share some major nuggets on this episode about communication, foreplay, understanding the emotional needs of yourself and your spouse, and so much more. Even if you’ve already heard this episode, it’s definitely worth a “sweet repeat.”   So, put the kids out of the room, pop in your earphones or AirPods, and take good notes.   Learn the art of what it truly means to make love.   To read the show notes for the original episode Making Love Outside the Bedroom, click here.   For those who weren’t able to attend the workshop live, it’s now available as a virtual e-course! Click here to access.     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!      Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Marriage Values and Forever Baes (Young & Married Series) – with Joseph and Marissa Msefya   Millennial marriages have different challenges than other marriages. Gender roles, financial responsibilities, and rapid societal changes are among just a few of the various challenges young marrieds face. Joining us on today’s podcast is Joseph and Marissa Msefya, of Forever Marriages, who offer support to millennial marriages. Because they are millennials themselves, the Msefyas have a great way to relate to other young couples.   I wanted to know why Joseph and Marissa decided to start a marriage ministry (platform). Joseph explained that in the beginning, it was really challenging for him, because he didn’t want to “put all his business out there,” plus his relationship with the Lord wasn’t really where he felt it needed to be. I think many men can relate to this. But we are so glad he pressed past his concerns, because the Msefyas dropped some major wisdom on us today.   Shared Values vs Individual Values   Marissa explained that though most married couples come to their marriages with individual values, it’s more important to have shared values. If one spouse values family, for example, more than the other, it can cause major problems. These conversations are critical, although they are often uncomfortable. This is where compromise comes in to help give the marriage direction and purpose. Joseph and Marissa encourage couples to agree on three to five shared values for their marriage and be sure to revisit them on a consistent basis.   This process is very intentional. Joseph and Marissa revealed that they hold year-end review meetings, quarterly meetings, etc. to rate their marriage, celebrate their victories, and create new goals. I love this! I believe this level of intentionality is what sets great marriages apart from the pack.     Gender Roles vs Biblical Roles in Marriage   One of the topics that Joseph and Marissa are great at sharing on is the difference between traditional (gender) roles and biblical roles. In their estimation, gender roles are negotiable and often change with the times. Biblical roles, however, are non-negotiable for the Christian, because they are based on what God says about how marriage should operate, according to Ephesians 5 and other areas of Scripture.     Lessons Learned from Being Young and Married   I wanted to know what specific lessons the Msefyas learned in their own marriage, because I realize, again, millennial marriages face unique challenges. Marissa advised she didn’t really know how important community would become in her marriage. She wasn’t prepared for that. Like many couples, she and Joseph minimized the value of “the village.” Joseph added that prior to marriage, he didn’t realize the level of intentionality behind the sexual intimacy of a great marriage. Sex isn’t always taught well, especially in the Church, and there was much to learn in this area of their marriage.   This episode is chock full of practical wisdom, so be sure to listen to the entire episode to help you or another millennial married couple to thrive in their marriage.   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Connect with Joseph and Marissa at Forever Marriages Take the Marriage is a V.E.R.B e-course   Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!    Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Family Matters – Dealing with the In-Laws (Young & Married Series)   No matter how much you love your spouse, you might not love your in-laws. Learning how to navigate these family matters is a crucial skill in a healthy marriage. Today, we’re learning about some critical questions every newlywed or young and married couple needs to ask about their spouse’s family of origin.   First off, think of your spouse’s family of origin like a marinade. What has he/she been “marinating” in for 18+years? We are all products of our families. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s important to understand your spouse’s family dynamics and how you might help them to break free of destructive patterns that could affect your marriage.   Questions to Ask About Your In-Laws   I list some helpful questions that you should ask even before you get married.   What did you most admire about your parents? What is your mom’s / dad’s greatest strength? How did your parents resolve conflict? How did your parents approach spiritual issues?   A complete list of questions to ask your spouse about your in-laws   I also share a few tips to remember whenever you’re talking to your spouse about their family. Remember “Yo Mama!” jokes? Yeah . . . it’s best not to trash talk your in-laws. That usually doesn’t go over well. Even if your spouse is upset at his/her parents, they are still his/her parents, and that loyalty runs deep. It’s better to ask curious questions and offer support than bash the family your spouse grew up in.   In this episode, I give five helpful tips for managing your expectations with your in-laws, including not “becoming little.” You’ve got to listen to this part of the episode. I know I’m speaking directly to many of you who are dealing with this now!   Take a listen to the full episode and let me know what you think by rating and reviewing the podcast.   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Facing Your Fiance’s Family of Origin The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships Need Marriage or Relationship Coaching?   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

5 Boundaries Every Marriage Needs (Young & Married Series)   Setting boundaries is so foundational in marriage, yet many couples don’t understand the necessity or process of setting them. On today’s show, we discuss friends, sexual boundaries, families of origin, and much more. The five boundaries in marriage I highlight are in no way an exhaustive list. Many other boundaries can (and should) be added to this list, but I believe these are the “big ones.”   Too many marriages suffer for lack of clear communication and clear lines. One of the many benefits of having boundaries in marriage is that each spouse knows where he/she stops and where the other spouse begins. There is so much I can say (and write) about this topic, but for brevity’s sake (and to entice you to listen to the whole show), I’ll be concise.   Do You Practice Any of these Boundaries in Marriage? General Care and Treatment Household Responsibilities In-Laws Friends Sexual boundaries   The truth is many married couples do not intentionally practice boundaries. Some don’t feel they’re positive. Some feel that “good relationships” don’t need boundaries. Still, other couples have not really ever given this topic much thought.   It is my hope that after listening to today’s podcast, you come away with a greater understanding of the need for boundaries in your marriage whether you are young or more “seasoned.” Boundaries are good. They help keep out the bad and keep in the good. And that is what healthy relationships are all about.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Read my article on Why We Need Boundaries in Relationships Is Porn Destroying Your Marriage? – Very Well Mind Porn in Marriage: Its Harmful Effects – Covenant Eyes How Pornography Distorts Intimate Relationships – MentalHelp.net Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!    Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Setting Realistic Expectations in Marriage (Young & Married Series) – with Jenard Moore Being young and married has many advantages, but often young married couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. On today’s episode, Jenard Moore, host of the Moore Love Connection podcast, a podcast that focuses on millennial marriages, joins us to discuss how to set realistic expectations in our marriages. This episode was truly one of my favorites and is jam-packed with so much wisdom and practical advice for marriages of all ages.   Jenard and his wife Destiny started their marriage podcast after only being married two years. They felt that newlyweds weren’t always being served transparent and authentic information, so the Moores wanted to do their part to help these marriages thrive. I was featured on their podcast as a guest a few months ago, and am grateful Jenard is our guest today.   You Know What They Say About Assumptions If there’s one mistake we should all stop making in our relationships, it’s making assumptions about our partners. Beth McCord, popular Enneagram coach, calls this “Assumicide.” You know . . . it’s the death of our relationships due to our incessant assuming that our partners should think, behave, or be a certain way. Instead, Jenard encourages us to lay out our expectations so the other person clearly knows what you need and what you want.   When we have unrealistic expectations in marriage, it’s easy to fall into the comparison game. We can compare our spouses to our parents, past relationships, or friends’ marriages. Comparison is unhelpful and can lead to frustration, resentment, or worse. It’s such a common mistake that we discussed comparison in marriage in detail on a podcast episode here.   Why Millennials Are Avoiding Marriage Statistics show that many millennials are choosing to skip marriage altogether, and even some Christian couples are choosing to live together without being married. This topic is worthy of a podcast all on its own, and if I record one, I’ll be sure to link it here.   Jenard believes there are many reasons why millennials are avoiding marriage. Reasons including: the “serial dater” culture fear of commitment fear of missing out (FOMO) Then, there’s the age-old question: What if I married the wrong person? (Another great podcast episode!)   This episode is chock full of wise nuggets, so I hope you’ll listen all the way through. And, once you’re done, be sure to register for my Boundaries for Women workshop (or e-course).   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Connect with Jenard on Instagram or the Moore Love Podcast website. Listen to the Moore Love Connection episode I was a guest on called The Heart of the Matter   Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!      Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Grieving with Hope (Hope Series) – with Deborah Juniper-Frye   Grief isn’t a topic most people like to discuss, but inevitably, we will all lose someone or something very special to us at some point, and we need to know how to grieve with hope. On today’s episode, Deborah Juniper-Frye, a grief recovery specialist and friend of mine, joins us to discuss how to find the good in grief, the stages of grief, and how to know when our grief has become unhealthy.   Deborah is one of the most compassionate, dependable people I know. She has walked my family through the loss of my grandfather, father, my best friend, and others. When I was thinking about this episode, I knew I wanted her to share her insight with us on how to grieve with hope.   Grieving with Hope   I just love acronyms, and Deborah shares with us an easy-to-remember acronym on HOPE to help us through the grieving process:   H – Help yourself O – Open yourself up to grow P – Pursue a greater purpose E – Expect something good   Be sure to listen around the 22:25 mark to hear Deborah’s full explanation of the HOPE acronym. As you can see, you must prioritize yourself through the process of grief.   When Grief Becomes Unhealthy Just as we can grieve with hope and grieve in a healthy manner, we can also grieve unhealthily. Too much alone time is good for no one, and although it is understandable to want to be alone while grieving, isolation can be damaging. Deborah shares that harping on negative memories and harboring unforgiveness is also counterproductive to the grieving process.   This episode is chock full of practical and purposeful principles to help you to grieve with hope.   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Connect with Deborah on Instagram or Facebook Purchase Grieving Under Grace here   Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!          Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Hope and Healing after Awful, Abusive Relationships (Hope Series) – with Tania Ceasar-Cornwell   Did you know that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence? Let that sink in. That’s an enormous amount of people who are involved in abusive relationships. Tania Ceasar-Cornwell was once a repeat victim of domestic violence (intimate partner violence) and is here to share her story on the podcast today.   This episode is raw and real, and Tania expresses complete transparency and vulnerability in sharing her story. Tania’s trauma started before birth if you can imagine that. Unwanted by her rather and feeling rejected by her mother, Tania began to feel isolated, and to make matters worse, she experienced sexual perversion at a very young age. Having been sexually abused, she began to experience anxiety, panic attacks, and more.   But things took a bit of a turn in Tania’s life when influenced by her aunt, she gave her life to the Lord. Her newfound faith offered some relief from her troubled home, but in her words, “the enemy was after me.”   From Bad to Worse   As she got older, her relationship with God began to fade, and Tania began experiencing major depression. The lack of boundaries and structure in her life exacerbated her trauma, and she began to get involved in bad friendships and abusive relationships. She met the father of her older children at 13 years old and began dating him at 14. Two years later, she was pregnant. This relationship became very toxic and abusive, and Tania confused sex with love. To try to appease her situation, she decided to marry her boyfriend, and things went from bad to worse. She realized a year later that she was pregnant again as the abuse and now infidelity increased.   Breaking Abusive Cycles Sometime later, Tania got the strength to leave that relationship only to become involved in more abusive relationships. At her breaking point, Tania found her now-husband. Though not physically abusive, that relationship, too, was unhealthy in the beginning. At her wit's end, she found herself wandering the streets and ended up on the steps of a local church.   Little did she know, this “chance encounter” would serve as the catalyst to a pretty amazing life change for her and her entire family . . .   Listen to the full episode here.   For more information on escaping domestic violence, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Connect with Tania on Instagram or Facebook   Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!                Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.