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Real Relationship Talk

Dana Che

It's time we get real about marriage & relationships! Join marriage coach, Dana Che, as she and her guests deliver witty, inspirational, real relationship talk from a faith-based perspective. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

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What's Your Fighting Style?
June 6, 2023 - 28 min
What's Your Fighting Style?   Conflict is a normal and healthy aspect of any relationship. So we don't have to be afraid of it anymore. We don't have to run away from conflict. We don't have to pretend that it's not there. We don't have to try to dress it up as something else. It is what it is. However, conflict is not fighting.  When we “fight,” we all have a fighting style that’s our go-to approach to handling conflict. When I'm saying fighting for the sake of this episode, I'm not talking about “throwing blows.” I'm talking about how you deal with conflict. When something arises in your relationship and you disagree with your partner, you're having conflict, that conflict then turns into more of just a disagreement, but you're almost at a stalemate. How do you handle that? What is your fighting style? Three Fighting Styles The three specific styles are as follows: attack-attack, attack-defend, and silent-silent. In the attack-attack style, both partners are on the attack and cannot hear each other, making it impossible to solve problems and leading to a destructive cycle. In the attack-defend style, one partner is attacking and the other is defending themselves, creating a tit-for-tat dynamic that is not productive in resolving the underlying issues. In the silent-silent style, both partners avoid confrontation altogether and allow issues to fester and grow.   Why Does Love Feel Like a Battlefield? You are never going to find the solution to whatever the situation is because if you’re spending so much time attacking one another. It's almost like you are in a battlefield. You've now become an enemy, a combatant of your partner. Years ago, singer Jordin Sparks actually wrote a song called Battlefield. Here are some of the lyrics of this song . . . See if you can relate.  Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?  You know that song so this is how it goes. Okay.  Don't try to explain your mind I know what's happening here One minute it's love and suddenly it's like, love is a battlefield. One word turns into a war.  Why is it that the smallest things tear us down?  My world's nothing when you're gone.  I'm out here without a shield.  Can't go back now.    I never meant to start a war.  You know I never want to hurt you.  Don't even know what we're fighting for.  Why does love always feel like a battlefield? Listen to Battlefield here  Why does love always feel like a battlefield in your relationship? You feel like there is nothing that you do, nothing that you say is going to make a difference because your spouse is looking at you as the enemy. Or, you see your partner as the enemy.   Break Free From Fighting  To break out of these fighting styles, one person in the relationship must wave the white flag and prioritize the relationship over being right. Remember, your partner is not the problem; the problem is the problem. You are on the same team! By taking a step back and examining the real issue, couples can work together to find a solution. In order to move forward from fighting, couples must reframe the way they approach conflict. Instead of seeing it as a competition or an opportunity to prove who is right, couples should view it as a chance to grow and strengthen their relationship. If necessary, couples should take a “time-out” during particularly heated moments to allow both parties to cool down and come back to the conversation from a calmer and more rational place.   Links Mentioned in this Episode:  Episode 87: The Silent Treatment vs Arguing   Register for the upcoming Thrive Wives workshop   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.See for privacy i
The Power of Conflict: How Disagreements Can Strengthen Your Relationship
May 30, 2023 - 30 min
The Power of Conflict: How Disagreements Can Strengthen Your Relationship Can conflict actually help you connect? The whole reason that I wanted to do this episode is to help you to understand that conflict can be a great asset in your marriage. Conflict can actually be a great asset in any relationship if you understand how to use it. Conflict is like a tool. And if you learn how to use the tool correctly, then you're going to find that it's not such a scary thing when conflict shows up in your relationships. So we have a jam-packed episode today, you guys. I'm going to be sharing lots and lots of skills, tools, and resources with you.  But before we get into all of that, I want to ask you to do me a favor. Right after you finish listening to this episode, I would love for you to write a podcast review, especially if you are listening to this on Apple podcast or Spotify. Let me tell you why there are so many people who find out about this podcast by word of mouth. Shaun and I were in a restaurant, eating dinner with some friends. We were outside, and a couple walked past the table, and they were like, "I love your podcast. I love your podcast." And I was like, Oh, my gosh, I'm feeling famous. You know what I mean? And it was such a cool experience. But then, about ten minutes later, this other woman walks by our table, and she's like, "Oh, my gosh, I love your podcast. I listen to it every single week!" Why am I sharing this with you? Because both the couple and the woman who walked by heard about my podcast from a friend. So when you share this podcast, you have no idea the seeds that you are planting in your friends' lives. They might hear an episode that I did way back in 2020 or 2021 that will help to save their marriage. So by writing a simple review, you are helping this podcast to be found by people who really need it. So thank you so much for doing that.  Let's Talk About Conflict  So I like to talk about conflict, okay? I am not conflict-avoidant at all. Now, when I say that to people, it doesn't mean that I like to stir up trouble either. I don't like to create conflict. I'm just not afraid of it because I have learned that conflict is a tool in your marriage. But it's also a tool in any relationship. If you're a parent and you're dealing with conflict with your children, you can use that conflict to draw you closer to the relationship that you have to teach you more about your child, to teach you more about yourself. And of course, you can just sparse that out into any relationship that you're in. So I want to be able to give us some real practical takeaways today. As you listen to this episode, we're going to be talking about conflict as connection.  If you've listened to my show for a while, you know that I talk about connection a lot. I'm going to give you five quick reasons, and I might throw in a bonus as to how conflict is connection or how conflict shows up as connection in your relationships. So the first thing is that conflict gets you talking. When you start to have issues in your relationship or issues in your marriage, there's some sort of disagreement, right? It's going to keep you talking. Now, you might not always say the right things or say them in the right way, but at least you're talking. You're getting your feelings out. You're sharing your emotions. You're being authentic, you're being honest about how you truly feel and what that particular thing is bringing up in you.  Conflict Teaches You How to Speak Up So let's say, for example, you are having a disagreement with your spouse about parenting. My goodness, that happens to all of us in that connection. It might come up that you realize that when you were growing up, your parents were overly critical of you. Maybe you've never really thought about that before and how that shows up in your parenting, but you get into an argument with your spouse and you're like, you sound just like my dad. You sound just like my mom. My mom was always overbearing. My mom was always critical of me. And you didn't even realize that you were saying that until the words came out. Now, your spouse might not appreciate that you just said that about them, but if your spouse and you can take a step back and go, whoa, wait a minute. Okay, so this isn't really about my spouse. This is about my parents, and I'm being triggered by something that my spouse is doing. But, at the end of the day, I just had an epiphany. I just realized that I'm still dealing with some trauma or some struggles or some bad memories of how I grew up and how I felt like my parents treated me. And I'm kind of taking that out on my spouse. So when you're in conflict, it can help you to connect to your spouse because it gets you to talk. It gets you to say the things that you've been stuffing down inside. It gets you to say the things that you're thinking about, but
Truth’s Table: Race, Theology & Relationships - with Ekemini Uwan and Dr. Christina Edmonson
May 23, 2023 - 50 min
Truth’s Table: Race, Theology & Relationships - with Ekemini Uwan and Dr. Christina Edmonson  Today we are so blessed to have with two midwives of Culture for Grace and Truth, Ekemini Uwan and Dr. Christina Edmonson, of the highly acclaimed and award-winning Truth’s Table Podcast.  I have been listening to their podcast for a couple of years and when Hannah, our podcast editor, reached out to tell me we were going to have them on the show, I could hardly contain my excitement. Truths’ Table is a go-to podcast in the black, Christian community, and has even been featured on Grammy Award Winning Hip-Hop Artist, Lecrae’s album, All Things Work Together. Ekemini Uwan Ekemini and Christina share their much-needed perspectives on politics, race, culture, entertainment, and gender filtered through an accessible yet robust Christian theological framework. Ekemini is a public theologian and also a contributing writer for Hallmark Mahogany (which is my favorite brand of greeting cards by the way). Christianity Today named her among "10 New or Lesser-Known Female Theologians Worth Knowing. Ekemini has appeared on MSNBC, and her insights are quoted by NPR, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The New Yorker among other publications. Ekemini is also single and shares her perspective on today’s show on living single. She writes a chapter in the book called Hidden in Plain Sight: A Single Black Woman’s Manifesto. Dr. Christina Edmonson Christina holds a PhD in Counseling Psychology, a Masters degree in Family Therapy, and a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology. She speaks and writes on leadership development, anti-racism, and mental health issues. Christina has been married for over two decades and shares some powerful truths about mutual submission and healthy marriage.  Truths’ Table podcast, featured on Grammy Award Winning Hip-Hop Artist, Lecrae’s album, All Things Work Together and their book called Truth’s Table: Black Women’s Musings on Life, Love, and Liberation has been nominated for the 54th NAACP Image Awards! Get excited!!  Let’s welcome the show Ekemini Oowan and Dr. Christina Edmonson.  Relationships are complex as it is, but adding race to the mix can make things even more challenging. The ladies offer insights that could help us all navigate these relationships more thoughtfully. Colorism and Light-Skinned Privilege One of the most important themes that emerged in the episode was a conversation about colorism in the black community and the importance of acknowledging privilege. Christina spoke candidly about how the lighter-skinned privilege she experiences can lead to resentment and confusion in relationships with other Black women. She also recognized how societal and historical factors have contributed to her privilege, saying "It's hard to recognize my privilege because it feels like denying the pain and experiences of other people.” Dr. Christina Edmondson emphasized that it's important to reflect on our own privileges and how they impact our relationships. For example, she spoke about how Scripture has historically been interpreted primarily by men, and how this can have implications for how women are perceived in relationships. Men often hold positions of power in society and the church, and their hermeneutic might be self-serving in order to gain validation they don't get elsewhere. This conversation around privilege intersects with the topic of colorism, or the bias against people with darker skin tones, which can be especially damaging in relationships between Black men and women. Society has conditioned us to see lighter skin as warmer and kinder, and darker skin as mean and cold. Ekemini spoke about her own experience with colorism, where people have made negative assumptions about her personality or intellect based on the tone of her skin. ALSO LISTEN TO:  Race Conversations 101: How to Have Civil, Compassionate, & Courageous Conversations About Race Submission in Marriage While the conversation around race and privilege can feel heavy, we also offered some practical insights that could help people to navigate relationships more effectively. Since this is a marriage podcast, we had to discuss the concept of submission in relationships. Christina spoke about the fear or discomfort some women may have around the idea of submission, but pointed out that mutual submission in a couple's relationship assumes equity, unlike a hierarchical relationship between a child and parent.  Submission in a couple's relationship requires both partners to lay down prefe
Confessions of a Crappy Christian - with Blake Guichet
May 16, 2023 - 39 min
Confessions of a Crappy Christian - with Blake Guichet  Are you a Christian who struggles with some aspects of the faith? Do you have more questions than answers? Today, I’m talking with Blake Guichet, author and podcast host of Confessions of Crappy Christian, about her story of the deconstruction and reconstruction of her faith. We ask and answer some questions we had and still have about the Christian faith. We also discuss how we, as Christians, need to develop the art of better listening skills, especially when talking to someone about matters we disagree on.  I truly believe we are all capable of honoring others even when disagreeing on values and/or beliefs. There are some “non-negotiables” about the Christian faith that are sacred, like the authority of Jesus Christ and what his death and resurrection signifies. However, there are “minors” that some Christians “major” on that only perpetuate a divide within our own faith and the impending faith of others.  The Curious Christian Blake and I discuss how, as parents, it is very important to allow space for our children to be curious . . . to ask all the questions about the Christian faith we want them to embody. As children, we were both disappointed with a lot of the pat answers we received when we asked real questions about faith, gender roles and rules, and other topics.  That experience taught me to truly listen to my curious children and keep listening to my curious self. The curious Christian is a growing Christian. The day curiosity leaves and replaced with certainty is the day faith is no longer needed. It’s okay to not understand every aspect of the Christian faith. It’s okay to not have all the answers you’re seeking either. Faith is indeed, “the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1).  Deconstruction of Destruction? “A lot of what I feel is happening today isn’t deconstruction but destruction,” Blake said, when I asked about her take on the topic of deconstruction in culture today. She goes on to say that people aren’t necessarily asking questions about faith in order to rebuild what needs to be rebuilt; they are just leveling the whole thing when they don’t understand something. When Blake went through her questioning and deconstructing phase (which is ongoing, by the way), her goal was to extract the inaccuracies she had been taught in order to replenish her faith with what is real and true and still holds. I can attest to this myself.  I am grateful that we serve a God who is not afraid or offended by our questions; who is not moved off his throne by our doubt. He is able to keep what we have committed to him (our hearts) through any and every season (2 Timothy 1:12).    Links Mentioned During This Episode How Connected a Partner Are You? Take the Free Quiz!  Learn more about Blake and Hear Her Podcast    SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.  See for privacy information.
Overcoming Father Wounds - with Kia Stephens
May 9, 2023 - 41 min
Overcoming Father Wounds - with Kia Stephens Fatherlessness is at an all-time high. The pain of growing up without a dad isn’t something that just leaves you. Today, we’re talking with Kia Stephens, author of Overcoming Father Wounds: Exchanging Your Pain for God’s Perfect Love. Kia shares her story of what life was like growing up with an absentee father and the road she walked to forgiveness. You’ve likely heard of daddy-less daughters and fatherless families. But what isn’t often talked about is what is required on the part of the abandoned child (who is likely now an adult) to bring healing and wholeness to their life. Abandonment Breeds Rejection Kia acknowledges the rejection she felt by her father’s abandonment. Without a doubt, abandonment breeds the seed of rejection in our lives. Many grown men and women today are still hurting from the rejection they felt once their dads left. Typically, fathers provide a deeper level of identity and affirmation to a child, so when he is not there, that child is left with wounds that are hard to heal. Kia calls these affirmation wounds, love wounds, and acceptance wounds. But what about moms? Can’t moms fill in the gaps for the gaps absentee fathers leave? Unfortunately, no. Though the role of mom is very important, it’s the covering of a father that most children crave.  Rejection makes us feel unwanted. Kia tells a story of a friend who casually mentioned building a bookshelf with her dad. The pain of that simple story made such an impact on Kia as she realized she would never build anything with her own dad. There would be no camping trips, long conversations, or other “normal” things that many girls that did have their fathers around would experience. And there again, the cycle of rejection is solidified.  Physically Present But Emotionally Absent Maybe your father was physically present but emotionally absent. That can hurt just as bad, and sometimes even worse. If you grew up with a father who was an alcoholic or other kind of addict, emotionally absent, abusive, etc., you likely dealt with the same father wounds. Let this be a charge to the fathers who are still present in the home: proximity doesn’t equal presence. Being present is being fully vested in the relationship: body, mind, and soul.  Forgiveness is the Key The only way to heal the wound of fatherlessness is through forgiveness. Kia talks about the process she had to walk through to forgive her father. And hear me, forgiveness is not optional. I know that it’s hard, but forgiveness is not just for the other person, but ultimately for you. When you forgive, you set yourself free from the shame, the pain, the loss, the sorrow, the anger, and the need to retaliate. You become free even if/when the other person can’t or won’t acknowledge what they did to you. Kia was encouraged to write a forgiveness latter: basically a letter “getting it all out there.” The caveat is that you don’t actually send the letter to the person who harmed you (in this case, your father), but you use it as a powerful tool of asserting your feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Again, forgiveness is for you.  ALSO LISTEN TO: The Power of Forgiveness: Release Them, Restore You    There’s much more to this episode! Be sure to listen to the episode in full.    Links Mentioned in this Episode Get Kia’s book Overcoming Father Wounds  Learn more about Kia at  How Connected of a Partner Are You? Take the Free Quiz! SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your
Overcoming Living With an Emotionally Absent Spouse - with Beatriz Vargas
May 2, 2023 - 40 min
Overcoming Living with an Emotionally Absent Spouse - with Beatriz Vargas Do you know what it’s like to feel emotionally disconnected from your spouse because he/she is emotionally absent? The pain of that kind of disconnection is real, and it’s far too common. Joining us on this episode is Beatriz Vargas, host of The Grace-Fueled Wife Podcast, who shares the story of how her husband walked out on their marriage after being emotionally disconnected and how their marriage was restored afterward.  What Defines an Emotionally Absent Spouse? What actually defines an emotionally absent spouse? In Beatriz’s case, her husband had all but checked out on the marriage. They were living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, but were totally disconnected. Other disconnected marriages might involve the majority of the communication centering around the logistics of the marriage but lacking intimacy in the marriage. What defines an emotionally distant marriage to you? Change Can Cause Disconnection We all know change is important to a healthy marriage, but sometimes when one spouse changes too quickly or too drastically, it can cause disconnection in the marriage. Say one spouse loses an incredible amount of weight and quite literally become a new person. If their spouse isn’t 100 percent on board with this change, it can cause emotional distance and reveal hidden jealousies, fears, and insecurities.  In Beatriz’s case, she talks about a time when she began to grow spiritually. Her husband didn’t grow at the same pace as she did, so she stepped in and decided to “hook him up” with some Christian men she thought could help him. That backfired, and her husband seemed to withdraw all the more. I had a similar experience with Shaun. You’ll have to listen to the episode to hear that story, but suffice it to say we probably shouldn’t make “playdates” for our spouses . . . especially when they are already emotionally disconnected.  Be sure to listen to the full episode and be encouraged that even if there is emotional distance in your marriage, you can overcome!    Links Mentioned in this Episode:  The Grace-Fueled Wife Podcast  How Connected of a Partner Are You? Take the Free Quiz!    SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.    See for privacy information.
She Deserves Better: Overcoming Toxic Teachings on Sex - with Sheila Gregoire
April 25, 2023 - 37 min
She Deserves Better: Overcoming Toxic Teachings About Sex - with Sheila Gregoire Did you grow up believing what you now realize was toxic teaching on sex? Maybe your church, youth group, or family told you that as a girl you were somehow responsible for the lust of men. Yep. We’re going there. Joining us on today’s episode is popular author and speaker, Sheila Gregoire, who co-wrote the book She Deserves Better.  Sheila and I talk about some of the toxic teachings on sex that the evangelical church (and other entities) promoted. Some of these teachings include things like, “Boys will be boys,” and “Girls are a stumbling block for men,” which in a sense is teaching men that they are not responsible for their own lust, but girls are. We also talk about how parents, moms especially, can shift the conversation from blaming young women for the sexual advances and inappropriateness of others.   Toxic Teaching on Sex Can Be Triggering   As you listen, you may be triggered by some of the toxic teaching on sex, especially if you were hurt by adults you trusted. This podcast is not meant to stir up those feelings, but it is meant to be a breath of fresh air that we no longer have to repeat these teachings to our daughters (or sons!). She deserves better, and so do you.  It’s time we start telling the truth about modesty, purity, lust, and sin. It’s time we put the responsibility back on those in whom it belongs. It’s time we start living in the freedom that Christ gives and not allowing ourselves to be “under a yoke of bondage” (Galatians 5:1). Does this mean we should throw modesty and purity out of the window? Absolutely not. It means that we learn to have the right conversations and we teach a balanced, biblical, and honest view of sexuality and its expressions.  Be sure to listen to the full episode and be ready to rethink how you’ve believed or how you believe.      Links Mentioned in this Episode  Register for the Thrive Marriage Mastermind Get Sheila’s Book: She Deserves Better  Listen to Sheila’s Podcast Episode 24: Rethinking Intimacy: Rethinking Sex with Sheila Gregoire   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.        See for privacy information.
Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage
April 18, 2023 - 36 min
Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage   In this episode, we discuss the unrealistic expectations that people have in their marriages. You should have expectations in relationships, but it is important to learn how to manage and overcome unrealistic expectations. You've likely heard, "No expectations, no disappointments," but I think that's a terrible way to live in a marriage. What are your expectations? What are you looking for?  We will explore where these expectations come from and whether they are realistic or not. Also, we'll talk about the importance of communicating your expectations to your partner. Unrealistic vs Reasonable Expectations We'll start by discussing the difference between unrealistic and reasonable expectations. Often, people have expectations that are unrealistic, and that leads to disappointment and frustration. For example, expecting your spouse to be your best friend or provide a beautiful home may be reasonable but is it a realistic expectation for him/her? It's important to examine where these expectations come from and whether they are truly important to you or not. Where Do Expectations Come From? Next, we'll explore where these expectations come from. Expectations can come from a variety of sources such as family of origin, religious beliefs, media, culture, personal desires, and other people's expectations. We'll take a closer look at the expectations that are rooted in religious beliefs or cultural norms and whether they are realistic or not. Again, what might be realistic for one spouse may be unrealistic for another. ALSO LISTEN TO: Setting Realistic Expectations in Your Marriage Communicating Your Expectations In this segment, we'll discuss the importance of communicating your expectations to your spouse. Often, people have unspoken expectations, assuming their partner should know what they want. However, unspoken expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration. I'll provide some tips on how to effectively communicate your expectations and ensure that both partners are on the same page. 5 Common Unrealistic Expectations I share about five unrealistic expectations that people often have in their marriages. These include expecting your spouse not to change, thinking you can change your spouse, expecting your spouse to make you happy, assuming your spouse should know what you're thinking, and expecting your spouse to be like you. How can spouses overcome these unrealistic expectations in their marriage? We'll discuss why these expectations are unrealistic and how to reframe them to create more realistic expectations. Finally, I share several solutions to overcoming unrealistic expectation in your marriage and how your marriage can benefit from proper communication, Remember, unspoken expectations can lead to unmet desires, which leads to unnecessary disappointment.  Links Mentioned in this Episode: Sign up for our FREE Thrive Marriage Mastermind Workshop! How to Create a Vision for Your Marriage   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.See for privacy information.
Overcoming Separation, Infidelity, & Dysfunction in Marriage - with Joseph & Madelyn Stallings
April 11, 2023 - 38 min
Overcoming Separation, Infidelity, & Dysfunction in Marriage - with Joseph & Madelyn Stallings   Welcome to this episode of our podcast where we're joined by Joseph and Madelyn Stallings, who have graciously agreed to share their journey through infidelity, separation, and marital dysfunction with us today. Joseph and Madelyn have known each other since childhood, and on today's show, they talk about their journey towards a more healthy and thriving marriage, despite the numerous hurdles they've faced along the way. The Importance of Premarital Counseling We start by discussing how they met and their premarital counseling experience. Like Shaun and me, the Stallings have known each other since childhood. Joseph’s parents did their premarital counseling, but he doesn't recommend this. Neither do I, because couples tend to not be forthcoming when a family member (especially parents) are facilitating their pre-marital counseling. ALSO SEE: Why Should I Get Premarital Counseling?  We delve deeper into the importance of premarital counseling and how it can help couples overcome childhood wounds and trauma that can seep into their marriage. An Unexpected Result of their Separation The Stallings experienced several separations in their marriage: some lasting for just a few months, and the longest over a year. Then, quite unexpectedly, Madelyn gets pregnant. She shares her experience of becoming pregnant with someone else's child while she and Joseph were separated, and how they worked through the emotions of it all. Only by God’s grace were they able to reconcile and work through the pain of that choice.  Disconnection Leaves You Vulnerable to Infidelity We talk about the importance of staying connected and avoiding disconnection, which really makes your marriage vulnerable to infidelity. As Joseph puts it, "You can't let your emotions drive, but you can't put them in the back trunk either.” Basically, don’t allow your emotions to run your relationship, but withholding how you’re truly feeling only leads to disconnection in your marriage. After their last separation, things began to take a turn for the worst again, and this time it was Joseph who was unfaithful. Joseph shares his story of having an affair and the steps they took to heal and move forward. We discuss the importance of understanding the real source of pain and how it can help couples to stop hurting each other and to find the real source of their healing. Through their journey, Joseph and Madelyn have learned the importance of honesty, transparency, forgiveness, and communication. They remind us that marriages can truly endure more than we imagine, but through God’s grace, forgiveness, and  a lot of “heart work,” we can make them work. Thank you for tuning in to this episode, and we hope you find it insightful and helpful in your own journey towards a healthy and thriving marriage.   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.See for privacy information.
Overcoming Fear in Marriage
April 4, 2023 - 35 min
Overcoming Fear in Marriage   Introduction: Welcome to this week's episode of our podcast, where we explore the topic of fear and how it affects marriages. Fear is a natural reaction to the unknown, but it can also be debilitating and prevent us from fully experiencing intimacy in marriage. Today we'll discuss how fear can be the root of all intimacy problems in marriage and how to overcome it. Segment 1: Fear - Fear is not all bad. It can be a warning sign that something is wrong, and it can motivate us to take action. However, fear can also immobilize us and prevent us from taking risks or trying new things in our marriage. We need to learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy fear and understand how to respond appropriately. Segment 2: Courage - One of the best definitions I've heard for courage is choosing to act in spite of fear. Courage isn't the absence of fear. If you never feel fear, there is no need for courage, actually. We need to learn to face our fears and push through them. It takes courage to be vulnerable in a relationship, to risk being hurt, and to trust our spouse. Segment 3: There are different fears in relationships, including the fear of being hurt, the fear of rejection, the fear of being made a fool of, the fear of your spouse cheating on you, the fear of losing yourself in your marriage, the fear of losing control, and the fear of being fully known, amongst others. These fears will lead to intimacy problems in marriage if not addressed. Segment 4: How to Get Rid of Fear: To overcome fear, we need to acknowledge that it's there and not hide or deny it. We can ask ourselves, "What's the worst that can happen?" Then, prepare for the worst-case scenario. We can also "trust in the Lord" (Proverbs 3:5-6) and renew our minds with His word, worship, and our words. Conclusion: Fear can be the root of all intimacy problems in marriage. But by acknowledging our fears, facing them with courage, and trusting in the Lord, we can overcome them and experience deeper intimacy in our relationships. As Psalm 34:4-5 says, "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."   Links Mentioned in this Episode: Ep. 14 - How These Hidden Fears are Ruining Your Relationships  Get Your FREE e-book: 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life:    SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.See for privacy information.
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Meet Your Host
Meet Your Host
Dana Che is the founder of Thrive Relationships, where she serves as a marriage and relationship coach and host of the Real Relationship Talk podcast. She also serves as a pastor at her church. Whether in the church or on her podcast, Dana's mission is singular: to help people thrive in their relationships with the Lord and with each other.

On Real Relationship Talk, she is known for her graceful candor, humor, and her encouraging yet challenging advice. Dana holds a B.A. in communication from Regent University. She has a fierce passion for fashion and is a lover of all things sparkly. She shares her life with Shaun, her loving husband of twenty-three years, their four amazing children, and their “multi-cultural” dog in beautiful Virginia Beach, VA.

Connect with Dana:
Instagram: @mrsdanache
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