Rebuilding Us: Christian Marriage Advice for Couples

What if your marriage feels exhausting because you’re trying to do marriage without first understanding what it means to be married? In this episode, I’m discussing the difference between being married and doing marriage, and why understanding the purpose of marriage can change the way you approach connection, conflict, communication, and everyday responsibilities. You'll hear how marriage is more than a list of roles, household tasks, financial responsibilities, parenting, or intimacy. Those things matter, but they’re meant to flow from your identity as a married couple, not replace it. I’m also talking about how marriage can become transactional when we keep score, wait for our spouse to meet our needs first, or decide how we’ll respond based only on what our spouse has done. Instead, I’m exploring what it looks like to pursue reconciliation, connection, and love because of who we are and the covenant we’ve made, even when we don’t feel like it. 4 key takeaways: Marriage is an identity, not merely a job description.Being married means more than completing responsibilities or performing the expected roles of a husband or wife. The purpose of marriage is to become one flesh and build a life together. Your doing flows from your being.Communication, conflict resolution, parenting, finances, intimacy, and household responsibilities become more meaningful when they flow from a secure understanding of who you are as a married couple. A healthy marriage cannot be built on transactions.“If you meet my needs, I’ll meet yours” turns marriage into an exchange. Covenant marriage calls us to stop keeping score and make choices that honor the relationship, while still recognizing that a marriage should not remain permanently lopsided. Connection requires intentional choices.When disconnection or conflict appears, I can choose to pursue reconciliation because this is who I am and because connection is part of who we are together, not simply because I feel like taking the first step. Resources mentioned: My book, Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples, which explores the stories of 12 imperfect biblical couples and offers encouragement for deepening connection, strengthening spiritual intimacy, and building a marriage rooted in truth and grace: triedandtruemarriagebook.com Simon Sinek’s TED Talk, Start with Why, which I referenced as a helpful way to think about purpose in marriage Follow Dana Che on the socials! Instagram Facebook YouTube Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

There are losses we know how to respond to and some we don't. In this episode, Nicole Langman talks about carrying a story she never wanted. She imagined a white picket fence, Prince Charming, children, and smooth sailing. Instead, her husband walked away from the marriage, leaving her blindsided by infidelity, rejection, and abandonment. When someone dies, comforting casseroles arrive. People send cards. Churches organize meal trains. We understand that grief deserves attention. But what happens when the loss is a marriage, a relationship, a diagnosis, a family connection, or the future you expected to have? Grief doesn’t only follow death. Sometimes it follows divorce, rejection, infertility, estrangement, or a dream that falls apart. Nicole describes the experience as being “kicked out of my favorite club, the wife club.". Her identity, her plans, and her sense of belonging were suddenly under attack. And the silence around it made the grief heavier. “What we want is to be seen.” Nicole explains why “doing nothing is the worst thing that we can do” when someone is grieving, and how simple acts of presence can help a hurting person feel seen. We also discuss lament, soul knowledge, forgiveness, identity, healing, and the difference between reconciliation and forgiveness. Nicole’s story of finding her identity in God’s love, creating beauty from brokenness, and eventually marrying her first love is a powerful reminder that a painful chapter doesn’t mean the story is over. Key takeaways: The difference between head knowledge and soul knowledge How lament can become part of healing Rebuilding identity after rejection and abandonment Why forgiveness and reconciliation aren’t the same The Japanese art of kintsugi and how God repurposes brokenness Her unexpected redemption story Resources mentioned in this episode: 📖 Find Nicole’s book, This Isn’t the Story I Wanted, along with her devotional and resources at nicolelangman.com 🗣️ Get your FREE Heart-to-Heart Conversation Starters When in Conflict at danache.com/conversationstarters. Follow Dana Che on the socials! Instagram Facebook YouTube Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Have you ever tried to explain how you feel, only to walk away feeling even more misunderstood? In marriage, this can be very frustrating. A simple conversation turns into defensiveness, confusion, or conflict. In this episode, I’m sharing practical ways to communicate what you’re really feeling so your partner has a better chance of hearing your heart. I’ll walk you through how to express yourself with more clarity, stay grounded during difficult conversations, and avoid some of the common communication habits that create unnecessary tension. If you’re tired of conversations going sideways and want to feel more heard, understood, and connected in your relationship, this episode is for you. Key Takeaways: How to express your feelings without putting your partner on the defensive Why clarity matters when communicating what you need A funny story of how this works with Shaun and me in real time Common mistakes that cause your message to get misunderstood How to stay grounded when emotions are running high Ways to create more connection during difficult conversations Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Get your FREE Heart to Heart Conversation Starters here. Start my From Conflict to Connection course today and be on track to better communication immediately! Follow Dana Che on the socials! Instagram Facebook YouTube Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

I'm discussing six signs of spiritual abuse in marriage and how to recognize the difference between biblical spiritual leadership and toxic leadership. I explain why healthy leadership invites collaboration, tolerates disagreement, and never uses Scripture, submission, or God to control a spouse. I also talk about spiritual manipulation, maintaining personal discernment, forgiveness versus reconciliation, and why forgiveness does not require continued access to harm you. Finally, I share practical steps for responding to abuse, including telling the truth to someone trustworthy, stopping the minimization of harmful patterns, documenting what is happening, prioritizing safety, and seeking qualified support before attempting to rebuild the marriage. Key Takeaways: Healthy leadership invites collaboration. “Let’s pray about this” creates room for discernment and discussion. “I’m in charge, so this is what we’re doing” demands control. Biblical submission does not require surrendering discernment. A wife remains morally responsible, spiritually discerning, and able to recognize when something is wrong. Submission to God comes before submission to another person. Forgiveness does not require continued access to harm you. Reconciliation requires safety and repentance. A person can forgive while setting boundaries, filing a police report, or seeking a restraining order. A marriage should not be preserved at the expense of someone’s safety. When abuse is active, the first steps are safety, clear boundaries, trustworthy support, documentation, and qualified help, not immediate marriage counseling. Remember, healthy spiritual leadership lays down personal preferences and agendas for the good of the people being led. It does not require someone else to disappear or become small. Resources Mentioned in this Episode: Healing after betrayal is possible, but it requires intentional work. Learn more about the step-by-step course created to help couples process pain, rebuild trust, and reconnect at danache.com/infidelityintensive Follow Dana Che on the socials! Instagram Facebook YouTube Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

My hubby, Shaun, joins me in this special episode to discuss the Netflix docuseries Death of the Pastor’s Wife and the difficult questions it raises about abuse of power, spiritual manipulation, accountability, submission, and marriage. This conversation goes beyond the story itself. Shaun and I explore how churches can create healthier accountability structures, why power differentials matter, what you should do when you recognize abuse, and what partnership in marriage can look like without control or coercion. If you’re married, serving in leadership, part of a church community, or reexamining your own faith and relationships, this episode offers an honest conversation about discernment, responsibility, and healing. Key Takeaways: Why every church leader needs accountability How spiritual manipulation can distort Scripture The difference between biblical submission and control Why victims shouldn’t be blamed for someone else’s abuse of power How Shaun and I approach marriage as a partnership Why church members have a responsibility to speak up when something feels wrong A prayer for marriages, church leaders, victims of abuse, and Mica Miller's family If you're being abused by a spouse or partner, seek legal and professional help. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233). Follow Dana Che on the socials! Instagram Facebook YouTube Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Talking to your spouse about your marriage can become so constant that the relationship starts feeling like a project instead of a partnership. While communication is important, there are other ways to build connection...six ways in fact, that work better than repeated conversations. Listen in as I share these practical marriage tips to help deepen your connection and shift you toward regulation, curiosity, appreciation, consistent action, and ordinary moments of togetherness. Key Takeaways: How your marriage problems can become the only subject of the relationship, turning dates, car rides, and quiet moments into another relationship evaluation Why trying to resolve conflict while emotionally flooded turns spouses into attorneys actually arguing their case How a temporary pause can protect your marriage What to do when criticism becomes the dominant atmosphere in your marriage Why your spouse has seemingly "stopped trying" The 80/20 marriage rule that will enhance your friendship, enjoyment, and connection Resources Mentioned in this Episode: Get your free Heart-to-Heart Conversation Starters here. Rebuilding your marriage after infidelity? Let Infidelity Intensive do the heavy lifting for you. Follow Dana Che on the socials! Instagram Facebook YouTube Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

What do you do when you want to work on the marriage... but your spouse doesn't? Maybe you've suggested marriage coaching or counseling. You've sent the podcast episode. You've bought the book. You've tried to start the conversations. You've prayed for change. And your spouse seems uninterested, unwilling, or just plain tired of talking about the marriage. That can be an incredibly frustrating and lonely place to be. But here's the truth I want you to hear in this episode: Your spouse's unwillingness to work on the marriage doesn't mean there's no work you can do. And it doesn't mean your only options are to nag them into participating or sit around waiting for them to change. In this episode, we're talking about what it looks like to take responsibility for your side of the relationship without trying to carry the entire marriage by yourself. We'll talk about the temptation to make your spouse the project, why pressure rarely produces genuine change, and how focusing on your own growth can begin to shift the dynamic in your relationship. In This Episode, You'll Learn: What to do when you're the only one who seems interested in improving the marriage The difference between taking responsibility and taking all the responsibility What you can control when so much feels outside of your control How to develop stamina for the long game Follow Dana Che on the socials! Instagram Facebook YouTube Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Have you dealt with rejection or the feeling of being forgotten or neglected? When the people closest to you treat you like you're invisible or unimportant, it can trigger all sorts of emotions and insecurities. In today's podcast episode, I'm sharing a story of a woman who gave and gave, but her best still wasn't good enough. She was literally discarded like yesterday's news. But in that pain, she found God. Not just a God she'd heard about, but one she encountered for herself. Join me as I share how God sees you, supports you, and stays with you...even when everyone else walks away. This inspirational podcast episode will bless your marriage, your friendships, your family relationships, and your whole life. Key Takeaways: The Power of God's Names: El Roi: The God Who Sees MeHagar, from Genesis 16, is the first person in Scripture to give God a name. Through Hagar’s experience, we see how God sees us in our struggles, loneliness, and pain. El Shaddai: The All-Sufficient OneNo matter what we feel we lack—whether in life or in marriage—God is more than enough and provides everything we need. Jehovah Shalom: The Lord is PeaceInvoking God’s shalom means declaring His full, restorative peace over our homes and relationships. Emmanuel: God With UsGod is not distant; He is present in every season, moment, and even in conflict, offering comfort and companionship. Resources Mentioned in this Episode Download my FREE "Speak Life Affirmations" audio and combat every negative thought with the truth of God's word. Follow Dana Che on the socials! Instagram Facebook YouTube Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Let’s be honest—just because we grew up and got married doesn’t mean we left our triggers at the playground. Sometimes marriage can feel like an endless game of emotional Whac-A-Mole. In today’s episode, I’m unpacking the hidden childhood triggers that sneak into our marriages, those moments when a look or a phrase sends us spiraling back—defenses up, ready to fight, flee, or freeze. But surely there's a better way. Here’s what we dig into: Unpacking Childhood BaggageWe talk about why seemingly harmless comments from our spouse can unleash a flood of old wounds, and how those reactions aren’t just “sensitivity”—they’re well-worn ruts of our childhood stories. Scarcity Mindset in MarriageWhat happens when our knee-jerk belief is that there’s “not enough”—not enough love, attention, or security? I’ll confess the ways scarcity thinking creeps into my own marriage, and the choices I made, both emotional and practical, have started shifting our connection. Faith and the Hard Work of HealingYep, we’re going there. I unpack where faith gets tangled up with those painful places—and why it matters. We talk about inviting God into the ugly-beautiful mess, not just the Instagrammable moments, and why radical honesty is sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do. Steps Toward Healing—Without Pretending It’s EasyThis isn’t about quick fixes or pretending your marriage is something it’s not. We’ll get real about weariness. About losing hope. About showing up anyway and trying one more time. Because that’s where real change starts: not with grand gestures, but with brave, small choices over time. Links & Resources: Take my free quiz: How Connected a Partner Are You? Get my new book: Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples Recommended episode: “Unpacking Triggers, Strongholds, & Inner Healing - with Frank Meadows” Support the Show: Your giving makes a difference! Follow Dana Che on the socials! Instagram Facebook YouTube Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

In part two of this conversation on opposite sex friendships in marriage, marriage coach Sylvia Chipman and I reflect on how emotional affairs rarely begin with the intention to betray a spouse. They often develop gradually through personal conversations, frequent communication, shared experiences, and the comforting feeling of being deeply understood. A person may genuinely believe, “We’re just friends,” while unintentionally building a level of closeness that belongs within the marriage. This is why boundaries are crucial for protecting not only your marriage but also your other friendship. Key Takeaways: How to respond when your spouse expresses discomfort. Is preserving the friendship worth damaging your partner’s peace or weakening trust in your marriage? How humility tied the cords of trust and security in your marriage How your history, vulnerabilities, and level of trust shape the boundaries your marriage needs Specific boundaries you may want to employ in your relationships This episode isn’t about living suspiciously or refusing to interact with the opposite sex. It’s about choosing wisdom. Healthy friendships require transparency, appropriate communication, and boundaries both spouses understand and respect. Ultimately, there may not be one rule that fits every couple. The goal is not to prove that you can handle a friendship—it is to protect the intimacy, safety, and trust you are building with your spouse. Resources Mentioned in this Episode: Think your relationship may be in danger of an affair? Take my confidential "Affair Quiz" here. Learn more about Sylvia's marriage coaching here. Follow Dana Che on the socials! Instagram Facebook YouTube Like the show? Be sure to SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW the podcast! Then, give it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating and leave a great review! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.