Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

How to Find Healing from Generational Dysfunction in Families

May 08, 2025
00:00 30:43
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Episode Summary:

In this episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective, we continue our Sacred Scar Story Series, where we talk with individuals who have experienced deep pain, but have also seen God bring healing and redemption.

My guest, Phylis Mantelli, shares her journey of growing up with a narcissistic, alcoholic mother in a chaotic and abusive environment—facing stress, shame, and secrets from an early age. Despite a childhood marked by dysfunction, trauma, and loss, Phyllis eventually chose to pursue healing and break the cycle of generational pain in her own family.

Through honest reflection, deep faith, and intentional work, she now helps other women confront their own “mother wounds” and embrace the truth that God can transform even our most painful stories into something sacred. You’ll be encouraged by her transparency, wisdom, and hope-filled perspective.

Quotables from the episode:

  • Some of your hardest stories become the very thing that you are able to help others through if you can find healing for yourself.
  • I was raised by a dysfunctional, alcoholic, narcissistic mom and everyday was living on the edge of stress, and shame, and secrets.
  • My mom kidnapped us, my dad came home to an empty house with no family. It took him three and a half months to find us.
  • At eight years old, we moved in with my mother’s boyfriend, my sister’s father, and started a whole new life.
  • Imagine being plucked out of your childhood and everything you’ve known and you’re just supposed to start a new school the next day like nothing is going on.
  • My mom had violence in her relationships our entire lives, so we witnessed violence growing up—we were physically and verbally abused.
  • Growing up, being told to be strong and not tell anyone about it, I didn’t realize it until many years later that I’m actually a very highly sensitive person but because I was taught to be tough, I became a really strong coverer of all kinds of wounds. So I had a lot of rage but I didn’t even realize that’s what it was.
  • With secrets, you think that you’re the only person going through things. There was so much shame attached to that that I never shared my story with anyone.
  • After 61 years, I was finally able to grieve my story. And I realized that I’m not alone and there are many other women who have gone through similar things and I want to learn how to help them.
  • Through trial and error, and being able to say the words, “I’m sorry” and “tell me more,” I was able to deep conversations with my daughters and break off that generational dysfunction. It takes work, and that’s the kind of thing I love to do in my ministry, by helping other women get to that place.
  • I became a Christian at 35, and I realized that my life is worthy. I am loved because I am a child of God and He has always had his hand on me. I felt God through all the trials in my life and even in the things I did wrong. I didn’t love myself…I wanted someone to love me, and now I know that God does.
  • I needed to say “no more” for looking for outside sources to love me. I had to love myself and I spent a lot of time on the floor crying out to God. It’s not about the stuff you do. It’s about the heart of where you are. God hears you and loves you. You don’t have to do X, Y, Z to earn his love.
  • You have to look back over your history and realize someone has been carrying you even through all the muck, and that means they love you.
  • Shame sounds like, “If they find out your secrets, they are never going to like you and they are going to fun from you.”
  • When you hold onto secrets, it’s like a little gift inside your body that is so tight that it’s ready to explode, and that’s a gift Satan wants you to not open up because he knows that once you open it up and let it out, no matter what, it holds no power over you anymore.
  • Tell your story to safe people. Secrets have to come out. You cannot get to a place of peace until healing takes place in your body.
  • Satan likes to tell us all the things we aren’t, but God loves to tell us all the things we are. Nothing will separate us from his love.
  • If you really want to heal, you have to start doing things differently. You can’t keep doing things the same way and expect a different result—it’s likely not going to happen.
  • We have to choose to pursue our healing. God isn’t going to force it on us.
  • Every family is different so don’t do the comparison thing and think “I want to be like that family over there.” Do what works for you. Where you are and what works for your family and brings your family peace and comfort may not look like others.
  • God is giving you God-kisses in the most gentle of ways and we have to open our eyes to see it even in the midst of great struggle.

Scripture References:

  • Psalm 91:11 “For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.”

Recommended Resources:

Social Media Links for Host and Guest:

Connect with Phylis Mantelli:

Podcast / Website / Instagram / YouTube / Facebook

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple

Guest:

Phylis Mantelli is the author of the book “Unmothered” Life with a Mom Who Couldn’t Love Me. She is an inspirational speaker at churches, retreats, conventions, Celebrate Recovery groups, and rotary groups. She is the host of the Unmothered Podcast. She is currently writing her 2nd book on lessons of how to break generational dysfunction. She loves helping and coaching women reach their full God-given potential despite their trauma-filled past. www.phylismantelli.com

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

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Meet Your Host
Dr. Michelle Bengtson is a hope concierge! She is a board-certified clinical neuropsychologist, international speaker, and award-winning author dedicated to offering hope, healing, and practical tools for mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. As the host of the top-rated podcast Your Hope-Filled Perspective, she combines her professional expertise with biblical truth to empower listeners to overcome anxiety, depression, and life’s challenges through faith.

A trusted voice in Christian mental health, Dr. Bengtson is the bestselling author of Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor's Personal Journey through Depression and Breaking Anxiety's Grip. With over 30 years of clinical experience, she has helped countless individuals find lasting freedom from fear, stress, and discouragement.

Dr. Bengtson is a frequent media guest on platforms such as Focus on the Family, Life Today, and Moody Radio. Her writing and resources have been featured on outlets including Crosswalk, iBelieve, and Salem Media, equipping believers to embrace God's promises in every season.

Connect with Dr. Bengtson at DrMichelleBengtson.com, where she shares faith-based encouragement, expert insights, and free resources for cultivating a hope-filled life.
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