Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

“High performers can hold it together—but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy.” That’s how Julie Holly describes the tension she lived in for years. On the outside, she was a successful entrepreneur, coach, and podcaster. But on the inside, alcohol was becoming her go-to solution for stress, escape, and the ache of not belonging. And like many high-performers, her success masked the weight that alcohol was starting to become round her neck. But a doctor’s curiosity and an honest comment from one of her children gave her the reality check she had been running from. In this conversation, Julie opens up about how drinking became tied to belonging, how craft cocktails became a nightly ritual that both connected and slowly destroyed, and how a doctor’s gentle curiosity helped her finally face the truth. In addition, she explains the quiet midnight wrestling matches she had with God, how mining her story of origin revealed abandonment wounds, and the courage it takes to name alcohol for what it really is. This isn’t a rock-bottom story. It’s about a high achiever learning that freedom comes not from holding it all together, but from finally letting go. We explore: —Why high-functioning people struggle to admit alcohol is a problem—How Julie’s drive for belonging fueled her drinking—The danger of comparison and the “at least I’m not that bad” trap—Why story work and exploring our past is essential for healing—How God patiently pursues us through small moments and people—The role of ego and elitism in justifying drinking—Why midnight wrestling with God reveals deeper unrest—The moment a doctor’s curiosity, not condemnation, opened her eyes—How money spent on alcohol can be repurposed into kingdom work—The freedom of realizing you belong because you belong to the Father Instagram: @thejulieholly Julie's newsletter: Read it here Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“If I’m numbing the lows, I’m numbing the highs. And then I’m just in this nothingness.” Here's the thing about alcohol: So many of us use it to numb the lows, but alcohol isn't a precision numbing agent. What does that mean? That while it can be useful to deal with the valleys, it also keeps you from enjoying the peaks. That’s exactly how Sarah Zanotti describes the trap alcohol created in her life. Sarah is an actress, filmmaker, songwriter, and content creator you’ve probably seen in sketches with John Crist. But beneath the laughs is a story of drunk driving, OCD, eating disorders, and a desperate search for control that nearly cost her everything. In this conversation, Sarah gets brutally honest about the night she drove drunk with her niece, why that wasn’t even her rock bottom, and the voice of God that told her: “The person you want to be can’t take alcohol with her.” She talks about why grace became more addicting than alcohol, how creativity was reborn in recovery, and what it means to live in peace instead of constant performance. We explore: —Sarah’s creative journey from Berklee to Nashville to filmmaking—How OCD, religious scrupulosity, and eating disorders shaped her story—Driving drunk with her niece in the backseat and why that wasn’t rock bottom—Why addiction often grows out of perfectionism and control—How alcohol felt like instant relief but robbed her of real peace—The moment she realized, “the person I want to be can’t take alcohol with her”—Learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions instead of running from them—How sobriety rebirthed her creativity and music career—What her relationship with God looks like now—less careful, more honest—Why the biggest lie is believing we’re separate from God Instagram: @sarahzanotti Film: The Unraveling (available on Amazon) Music: Sobering Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Forgiveness is not the goal of salvation. Fellowship with God is the goal of salvation.” Think about that for a second. I had to. That’s how Kyle Worley reframes the Gospel in his new book, Home with God. And at first glance, it may seem...odd. Because so many of us think salvation is mainly about getting our sins forgiven so we can go to heaven. But Kyle rightly blows that up. Instead, he explains that forgiveness is just the doorway. The real point of salvation is life with God, not just in the future but here and now. In other words, life is about abiding with Christ. And as I've come to find out, that is crucial to recovering from any addiction. In this conversation, Kyle—pastor, theologian, and author—helps us rethink salvation, grace, and identity. We talk about why forgiveness isn’t the finish line, why grace feels so disruptive, and how union with Christ resets the “broken compass” of our desires. If you’ve ever wondered what it really means to be saved, or felt like you were stuck chasing performance, this episode will reframe the story: salvation is about coming home. Again and again and again. We explore: —Why salvation is about fellowship, not just forgiveness—How identity in Christ reshapes recovery and freedom—The difference between behavior change and true transformation—Why grace feels disruptive and hard to receive—How Kyle counsels addicts through union with Christ—The “broken compass” of desire and how Christ reorients it—Faith as agreement, affection, and allegiance—How attention and desire shape the people we become—Why repentance is more than reflection—The Heidelberg Catechism and the comfort of not belonging to yourself Books: Home with God and Formed for Fellowship Website: kyleworley.net Newsletter: Sacred Slang Instagram: @kyleworley Podcast: Knowing Faith Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“There’s a part of you that drinks and a part of you that doesn’t—and that doesn’t make you crazy. That makes you human.” What happens when your faith says one thing and your actions say another? And what do you do when the coping mechanisms that once helped you survive start controlling you? That’s where today’s conversation lives—right in the messy space where faith and psychology meet, and it answers the question, "Why do I do the things I don't want to do?" Dr. Alison Cook is a Christian therapist and the author of two incredible books that were monumental in my own addiction recovery: Boundaries for Your Soul and I Shouldn’t Feel This Way. In this episode of "Confessions," Alison talks about how parts of ourselves can be both hurting and helping, how to hold compassion without coddling, cognitive dissonance, and why curiosity—not shame—is what truly leads to transformation. We also explore spiritual bypassing, the New Testament idea of sozo (salvation/healing), and how Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps us make sense of the parts of us that manage, protect, and sometimes reach for the “firehose” when pain flares up. If you’ve ever been disgusted by your own actions, but are ready to stop beating yourself up, you'll want to listen. We explore: —Why Christians often experience cognitive dissonance but don’t know how to name it—What Internal Family Systems (IFS) is and how it helps you understand yourself—How to tell the difference between healthy coping and numbing—The concept of “firefighters,” “managers,” and “exiles” inside your internal system—Why spiritual bypassing is so common in the church—How trauma gets buried and drives our behavior—What Scripture really means by “salvation” (sozo)—The link between addiction and unprocessed pain—Why medication can be a gift of common grace—How Jacob’s limp and new name point to a holy, healed identity Books: Boundaries for Your Soul and I Shouldn't Feel This Way Website: dralisoncook.com Instagram: @dralisoncook Podcast: The Best of You Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“There are really only two kinds of people in this world—people in recovery who know they are, and people in recovery who think they're not.” Tullian Tchividjian was on top of the Christian world. A bestselling author, megachurch pastor, sought-after speaker—and yes, the grandson of Billy Graham. Then everything imploded. After a very public affair and ministry collapse, Tullian disappeared from the spotlight. But it was in that wilderness season that he encountered something deeper than the shame that threatened to kill him and the people that tried to bury him: the radical, scandalous grace of God. In this vulnerable, raw, and hope-filled episode, Tullian talks about what it’s like to fall hard and yet be caught by Jesus. He opens up about his story, shame, addiction, recovery (even for those not struggling with substances), the church's response to sanctification, and what happens when you build your life on performance. This is an episode about honesty, identity, and why real Christianity might look more like a 12-step meeting than a church service. If you've ever wrestled with shame, questioned your standing with God, or wondered if there's grace for "someone like you," this episode is for you. We explore: —How Tullian went from prodigal to pastor to pariah—Why the church often runs from grace instead of toward it—The difference between guilt and shame—and why identity matters—Why grace isn't soft on sin but the only real power to change—What radical vulnerability looks like in practice—Why churches should look more like recovery meetings—The lifelong nature of recovery, even without substance addiction—How grace makes us honest, and law keeps us hiding—Why sanctification isn’t about climbing higher but falling deeper into grace—The gift of being "uncancellable" through confession and grace Book: Carnage and Grace Website: tullian.net Instagram: @tulliantch Church: The Sanctuary Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Silence isn’t honor.” Think about that phrase for a second. How many times have we believed the opposite, or been led to believe the opposite? Those words come from Gina Birkemeier. Gina is a licensed professional counselor, speaker, and the author of Generations Deep, one of the best books you'll ever read on breaking generational trauma. She’s also someone who has lived through—and broken—the very cycles we often feel trapped by. In this important episode of the Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic podcast, we explore how trauma gets passed down through our genes (it does in a fascinating way!), how to recognize those inherited wounds, and how to actually start the healing process—both for yourself and the generations after you. We dive deep into epigenetics, legacy burdens, and the truth behind phrases like "generational curses" and even "blood is thicker than water." (Did you realize that phrase doesn't mean what you think it means?) We also talk about how men and women often deal with trauma differently, why emotionally corrective experiences matter so much, and how to hold compassion and boundaries at the same time. This episode is especially helpful for anyone who has experienced the same traumas or addictions popping up in their family tree time and time again. (And for those who want to be cycle-breakers.) We explore: —Why trauma isn’t just “big T” trauma like abuse, but includes subtle attachment wounds—How unhealed pain gets passed down through generations (and genes)—What epigenetics is and why it matters for recovery—How legacy burdens shape our identity, even when we don’t recognize them—The truth behind “blood is thicker than water” (hint: we’ve had it wrong)—How EMDR and IFS therapy can unlock healing—Why emotionally corrective experiences are vital—and how to spot them—The difference in how men and women process trauma—What to do when you’ve already had kids and want to stop the cycle—How to set boundaries with family without bitterness or rage Website: ginabirkemeier.com Instagram: @myoutloudvoice Book: Generations Deep: Unmasking Inherited Dysfunction and Trauma to Rewrite Our Stories Through Faith and Therapy Follow Jon: @jonseidl Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.comSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“It doesn’t happen overnight. Just small little incremental concessions.” That’s how Bill Seymour describes his descent into alcoholism—one slow slide at a time. Bill didn’t grow up in chaos. He wasn’t trying to escape trauma. He was raised in a Christian home, went to church every Sunday, married his high school sweetheart, and built a successful creative agency. But along the way—through cul-de-sac drinking culture, ego, stress, and hiding—he lost his marriage, his connection with his kids, and nearly his life. In this raw, reflective, and redemptive episode, Bill shares how drinking slowly consumed everything that mattered to him—and how God broke through when nothing else could. He talks about going from a picture-perfect life to drinking alone in the dark, spending Memorial Day weekend in a psych ward, and hearing the Holy Spirit in a counselor’s office. This is a story of consequences, but it’s also a story of grace, second chances, and surrender. And how Jesus is at the center of it all. If you’ve ever wondered how someone gets to the point of losing it all—or how they start rebuilding when it feels like it’s too late—this episode will hit home. We explore: —How alcohol quietly took over Bill’s life despite a strong Christian upbringing—The role of social drinking, ego, and work culture in his spiral—Why suburban drinking culture can be just as dangerous as partying—The moment his wife filed for divorce and everything unraveled—What it felt like to be estranged from his daughter—The night he heard himself say the words: “It’s the drinking”—How he went from rehab to redemption—without rewriting the truth—Why his kids are now watching him make amends, and how he shows up sober—The quiet, slow miracle of rebuilding a life with purpose—Why Jesus—not just sobriety—is at the center of it all Read Bill's writing: Wilderness Tested Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

"You can’t hate yourself healthy." That’s the kind of line that sticks with you—not just because it’s catchy, but because it’s true. And for Erin Jean Warde, it was the truth that changed everything. In this episode, I sit down with Erin—an ordained Episcopal priest, recovery coach, and author of Sober Spirituality—to talk about what it looks like to build a mindful relationship with alcohol. Erin didn’t crash her car. She didn’t destroy her life. But she knew something wasn’t right. So she listened to the nudge of the Holy Spirit and started to explore what life could look like without drinking—and what she found was joy, creativity, clarity, and deep healing. This is a conversation about identity, escapism, and the quiet conviction that comes before the crisis. And how a misordered relationship with alcohol isn't a conservative Christian problem or a progressive Christian problem—it's a universal problem. We explore: —Why mindfulness matters more than rigid categories—The danger of finding your identity in alcohol—Why progressive and conservative Christians both normalize drinking—How escapism fuels addiction (even when you’re physically present)—What neuroscience taught Erin about anxiety, depression, and alcohol—How marketing targets moms and women with deceptive alcohol messaging—The difference between “treating yourself” and truly resting—Why you don’t have to wait for a wake-up call to get curious—How sobriety opened up creativity, healing, and deep spiritual intimacy—What it means to respond to the Holy Spirit in love—not shame Website: erinjeanwarde.com Book: Sober Spirituality: The Joy of a Mindful Relationship with Alcohol Substack: Erin Jean Warde on Substack Instagram: @erinjeanwarde Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“If alcohol is costing you your peace, it’s too expensive.” That idea is what helped Christy Osborne realize she needed to change her relationship with alcohol. Christy didn’t end up in jail. She didn’t wreck her marriage. She wasn’t waking up every morning with the shakes. From the outside, she looked like a thriving mom living the perfect life in London. But internally, she was anxious, ashamed, and starting to realize that alcohol wasn’t helping her anymore—instead it was slowly stealing her peace. In this episode, Christy shares a story that is likely familiar with many: someone whose problem drinking didn't look like the movies, but still needed to change. She explains how she broke free from what she calls gray area drinking, learned to process the grief of losing her mom in a healthy way, and how she chose to walk a new path rooted in neuroscience, grace, and faith. She opens up about grieving her alcohol identity, letting go of the “fun mom” persona, and how she now helps women walk through 40 days of grace-filled sobriety through her coaching practice and devotional book Love Life Sober. If you're feeling that "check" inside you, but don't feel like you fit into the traditional category of "alcoholic," this episode will speak to you. We explore:—What gray area drinking really is (and why it’s so common)—Christy’s experience as a high-achieving woman hiding in plain sight—The influence of her mother’s values and example—How alcohol disrupts brain chemistry and emotional regulation—The spiritual tension of being a Christian who drinks—Why you don’t need to hit rock bottom to quit—How grief and stress can trigger a return to old habits—The 40-day framework Christy uses to help women reset—How visualization and mindset work help rewire the brain—What she’s learned coaching hundreds of women through sobriety Get Christy's resources here. Listen to the “But Jesus Drank Wine” podcast Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“There is another side. You might not see it yet—but it’s there, and it’s better than you think.” What a line from this week's “Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic” podcast guest, Kristen Bear. Because that’s what this conversation is really about: building something new from the ruins on the other side of what was. Kristen is a model, actress, and creative coach who chased success in LA and NYC while numbing herself with alcohol. She believed drinking gave her an edge, helped her cope with trauma, and kept her fun. But all it did was bury the girl God created her to be. In this raw and redemptive episode, Kristen shares her story of addiction, identity, and coming home to herself. We talk about the lie that alcohol makes you more creative, the trap of performing your way through pain, and how facing her past instead of numbing it changed everything. She also shares the four pillars of her Creative Sobriety Academy, how the non-alcoholic beverage world has exploded, and why we get to rewrite our story—again and again. This episode is for anyone who’s convinced that alcohol is the only thing keeping them sane—or creative—or lovable. Kristen’s story proves that the opposite is true. Sobriety doesn’t strip you of your power. It sets it free. We explore:—Kristen’s early dreams, creative career, and hidden trauma—How alcohol became her way of escaping shame and insecurity—The illusion of being “high-functioning” while privately unraveling—Why she believed alcohol made her more creative—and how sobriety proved her wrong—The truth about mental health meds and alcohol—Her “illumination moment” and how she knew she was done—The power of writing to process pain and break shame—Returning to New York City sober and rewriting that part of her story—How holidays, nostalgia, and identity change in sobriety—The four pillars of her Creative Sobriety Academy—Why the non-alcoholic beverage space is booming—and her favorite picks Kristen's blog: Creative Sobriety Kristen's website: creativesobriety.co Follow Kristen: Instagram Follow Jon: https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/ Order the new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic: www.christianalcoholic.com. Watch this episode and get daily motivation: www.theveritasdaily.com.Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.