Giving Your Adult Child's Heartbreak to God

When your adult child is going through heartbreak, it can be difficult to know what to do. You want to protect them, take away their pain, and somehow make everything better—but you can't walk through the heartbreak for them. Whether they are grieving a breakup, betrayal, disappointment, or another painful relationship experience, Christian parents can learn to support their adult children while trusting God to carry them through the storm.

Isaiah 43:2 reminds us that God doesn't promise a life without painful seasons, but He does promise His presence in the middle of them: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.” As a parent, that means you don't have to fix your adult child's heartbreak. You can listen, offer a steady and loving presence, pray for them, and give their pain and future to God, trusting Him to bring healing, wisdom, and hope in His timing.

Highlights

• How to support an adult child through heartbreak without trying to fix everything
• Why parents must learn to trust God with their grown children's pain
• How Isaiah 43:2 offers hope in seasons of grief and emotional pain
• Practical ways to be present for an adult child who is hurting
• Why listening can be more helpful than offering advice or pity
• How to cast your own anxiety about your child's pain on God
• Finding faith, hope, and love while waiting for healing and redemption

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Full Transcript Below:

Giving Your Adult Child’s Heartbreak to God

By: Lia Girard

Bible Reading:

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

– Isaiah 43:2, NIV

As Christians, we know that Jesus doesn’t promise a trouble-free life here on earth. Which naturally means we can expect that there will be days or seasons of pain, heartache, confusion, or grief. However, just knowing that we’re human (and that hurt will find us eventually) doesn’t prevent the sadness and anger heartbreak causes—whenever and however it shows up. We can try to gird ourselves with gratitude, faith, and hope. Relying on this inclination can help us weather storms. But we can’t make the storms simply not come.

Being a parent of two adult children, I deeply understand the desire to wish every hard thing away from your children’s lives. It starts early, before their very first injury, and continues through your entire parenting journey. And although you know that surviving struggles will help your children build compassion, wisdom, and strength, this can get dicey when it comes to someone mistreating them or breaking their heart.

Because you’ve raised your child to be an adult, you know they’re “out there” in this world, taking chances, loving deeply, and making their own choices. Yet you still want to be there for them, whenever they may need you. But the role has shifted fully now, from daily provider to encourager as they chart their own path. You know it’s right to raise adults, and not “baby” your grown children, but it’s also a strange and somewhat tender passage. It means letting go of having a say-so and just being available for them as they seek direction from the ultimate parent, God.

In Isaiah 43:2, God is reassuring the Israelites that he is carrying them through their exile, no matter how hard it seems. And he is assuring all of us today that no matter what your adult child is walking through, God promises to step right into the murky water with them.

Later in Isaiah 43:18-19, God says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Some biblical scholars say that God is clearly stating here that when a situation is dire and feels unbearable, he will never abandon you and is working on something new for you.

This is good news when your own heart is aching because someone has broken your adult child’s heart. It means you can be sure that God is in control of your child’s recovery. Remember, it’s a promise. And for your own heart, while you’re believing in God to carry your child through grief, you can lean into 1 Peter 5:7, and “cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

When someone hurts your grown child’s heart, leaving them holding a heavy load of bewilderment or loneliness, let them know you love them and are right here for anything they want or need. Keep checking in and listening. It’s likely they’ve been through enough maturing to not want or need you to preach to them, offer them pity, or even cry with them—though I know you want to. Because God is with them, you can be the same present, interested, loving parent you’ve always been, and have faith in better days ahead.

You may have been through to the other side of heartbreak yourself and seen the kind of redemption your child hasn’t. Yet. It’s certain they will encounter their own unique ups, downs, and renewals.

So be patient. Be kind. And remember that the final verse of the famous 1 Corinthians 13 “love chapter” that tells us true love is patient and kind, also encourages us:

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Remind your child that God loves them, and so do you. And that you believe God’s promise: that He will carry them through.

Intersecting Faith & Life:

When you want to “fix” your adult child’s relationship heartbreak, consider instead offering your loving presence in ways like these:

• Invite them to lunch, dinner, or dessert somewhere they’ve been wanting to try
• Find and suggest a nature hike to enjoy together
• Have them over to watch a show or sports game you both enjoy
• If they’re far away, send them something soothing, like socks, slippers, or a delivery dinner
• Interact with them the same way you always have—with love, joy, and interest in them
• Ask: Do you want to talk? And respect their wishes.

Further Reading:
Psalm 147:3

Psalm 55:22

Psalm 23

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