Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

Why You Need a Vision for Your Marriage - with Gaby Sundra Having a vision for your marriage is essential if you want to go the distance. Plus, a marriage vision is a helpful tool that can keep you and your spouse on the right track. Today’s guest, Gaby Sundra has created her own playbook that helps couples create a long lasting marriage that will thrive as they create a vision for their marriage. Creating a vision is about two people coming together, discussing their desires and goals, and working together to build something beautiful. In this episode, Gaby shares tools and tips on how you can start creating a vision in your marriage today.   Ownership, Compassion & Creativity We all know marriage takes a lot of work. The magic comes in identifying the work that is helpful to making your relationship thrive. The start of creating the vision for your marriage begins with Gaby’s acronym OCC that stands for ownership, compassion, and creativity. Each person in the relationship typically has their own healing to do in order to show up as the best partner. This is what it means to take ownership of your own “stuff.” It’s also important that you own your needs and desires. Compassion starts with you giving yourself compassion and then your partner too. Gaby said, “Express compassion for their experience.” When you are able to show your partner a little compassion, it lets them know that you are there to support them. Creativity comes into play when solving issues in the marriage. Creative thinking can be used to give some options as couples work together and through the problem.   Creating a Vision for your Marriage Imagine if you could create a vision for your marriage. It’s SO possible to create a blueprint of what you want your marriage to look like and create that in real life. Often times we focus on what the problem is and not what we want to happen. Creating a vision is about defining what you want the marriage to look like. When you stop focusing on the story of what you don’t want and focus on the need you want met, the vision can start to come alive. Creating a vision for your marriage is all about getting super clear on what you both desire as a couple, writing it down, and speaking it into existence. It takes work from each partner to fully embody the vision that you see for your marriage. Human Needs in a Relationship What are your needs in your relationship? Marshall Rosenberg says there are seven basic needs; Connection, Physical Well-Being, Honesty, Play, Peace, Autonomy, Meaning. Gaby said, “All conflict is, is us struggling to get our needs met. If we can get away from the story and move into the need we want to have met, that is the essence that’s trying to work through the conflict.” Rather than expecting your partner to be a mind reader knowing what your needs are, tell them your needs! When we can communicate what we want, how we want it, and what we desire, it can help create that vision in your marriage.    A Marriage Vision that Honor your Desires Your desires mean something good about you. When you can communicate what you desire in your marriage, this will help get clear on your vision for marriage. Gaby said, “The word I hear most often when couples share their visions is, ‘relief.’” This relief is created because couples can actually get on the same page of where they want their marriage to go. Honoring your desires is an act of self love and an act of love in the marriage. Two people can come together and build something so beautiful and sacred when they get clear on each of their desires, create a vision for your marriage and grow.    Links Mentioned in this Episode Gaby’s Free Playbook Gaby Sundra’s Website     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Your Faves - Top 10 Episodes of 2022 Can you believe we are already winding down 2022?! This year has been filled with so many blessings for me and this podcast. On today’s episode, I share the top 10 episodes of 2022. This year I had the opportunity to have conversations with some incredible guests that were able to bring you some of the top relationship and marriage advice!    Number 10 -  The Lowdown on the Hookup Culture (episode 74) This top 10 episode of 2022 was a part of our “Shameless Sex series.” I dedicated this particular episode to my single men and women as many have remarked how “it’s rough out here in these dating streets.” Society seems obsessed with free sex. The hookup culture is alive and well, and it’s not just millennials or Gen-Zers engaging in sex on demand. In this episode, we discuss five reasons the hookup culture is no bueno and five practical steps to exit right out of it. Listen to The Lowdown on the Hookup Culture Number 9 -  The Silent Treatment vs. Silence (episode 87) This may have been one of my top episodes of 2022 because I sometimes struggle with giving people the silent treatment. This was a part of our “Communication 101 series.” In case you didn’t know, I dedicated an entire series to the art of communication in relationships. The main takeaway from this particular episode is that there is a difference between the silent treatment and silence. Silence can actually be very good and healthy in your relationship, but the silent treatment never is. Listen to The Silent Treatment vs. Silence  Number 8 -  7 Ways Men Destroy Their Marriages (episode 94) This episode was for my fellas. Guys, your wives have been trying to tell you that you’re destroying your marriage.. Truthfully, it’s most likely that your marriage might be falling apart in many more ways than one, but we’re talking about the big ones here. If you’re humble and open enough to receive this wisdom, it will change how you show up in your marriage. This top 10 episode of 2022 can help men correct behaviors that may be detrimental to your marriage. Listen to 7 Ways Men Destroy Their Marriages   Number 7 -  4 Steps to H.E.A.L After a Broken Heart (episode 103) I know there are so many couples who are recovering from infidelity. I really wanted to create a podcast where we dive deep on giving practical relationship and advice that will help heal the broken heart. Most of us have been through this unfortunate situation at some time or another. It’s never easy mending a broken heart, but it is always possible. This top 10 episode of 2022 will give you the tools you need to start your healing. Listen to 4 Steps to H.E.A.L After a Broken Heart Number 6 -  7 Ways Women Destroy Their Marriages (episode 93) In this episode we talk about how women do things subconsciously that unintentionally destroy marriages. The good news is if you’re still married, you haven’t destroyed your marriage beyond repair. But don’t wait until divorce papers are being filed to reach out for help if you need to. As a marriage coach, I help couples who are struggling all the time. It’s never too early or too late to get help. Listen to this episode and learn seven ways women destroy their marriages. Listen to 7 Ways Women Destroy Their Marriages Number 5 -  How Men and Women Communicate Differently (episode 90) In this episode we talk about how men and women communicate differently. Men are from Mars; women are from Venus, they said. How we communicate can differ as men and women. However, I wanted to help you take your communication skills out of this world with this episode, because no matter what society says, there are differences in the genders, especially in how they communicate. This episode has a very special guest, my husband Shaun. You don’t want to miss this one! Listen to How Men and Women Communicate Differently Number 4 -  7 Tips to Become a Better Listener (episode 89) Do you listen to understand or to respond? Here’s the hard truth: most of us are not good listeners even though we think we are. In this episode, you’ll learn seven tips on becoming a better listener and the art of wholehearted communication. I’m super passionate about this topic, because I see communication gone wild all.of.the.time. The good news is with a few tweaks, anyone can become a better listener and have more mutually beneficial conversations with those they care about. Listen to 7 Tips to Become a Better Listener Number 3 -  12 Steps to Rebuild Trust in your Relationship (episode 102) Did you know that 1 in 4 marriages will experience infidelity? The good news is half of these marriages will survive it. In this top 10 episode of 2022, I’m giving you 12 practical (but not easy) steps to rebuild trust in your marriage or relationship. This is one episode you will want to refer back to should you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of affair recovery. I truly believe that all is not lost when someone commits adultery. Your marriage or relationship can survive this, but you need an action plan in order to succeed. Listen to 12 Steps to Rebuild Trust in your Relationship   Number 2 -  The Female Orgasm (episode 81) This episode was extra special for the LADIES! Listen, these days, there’s a lot of faking it going on when it comes to women having orgasms. But let’s get real. My guest, intimacy expert Julie Sibert, and I are answering your questions and demystifying the important yet often overlooked female orgasm. The truth is there are many women who have never, and I do repeat, never experienced an orgasm. There are also women who “fake it til they make it.” But these situations are living below the pleasure potential that married sex provides. This top 10 episode of 2022 will teach you all about orgasms and how to get yours right. Listen to The Female Orgasm Number 1 -  Why Lysa TerKeurst Called Quits on Her Marriage (episode 73) This was the top 10 episode of 2022. Lysa TerKeurst, the founder of Proverbs 31 Ministries, recently filed for divorce from her husband, Art TerKeurst, because of repeatedly breaking their marriage vows/covenant. In a raw and real Instagram post, Lysa discretely details her thought process in ending her marriage. Sometimes enough is enough. Many Christian marriages experience infidelity, sadly, and many betrayed women, especially, don't know how to end their marriages because they've been taught to stay no matter what. You do not want to miss this episode! Listen to Why Lysa TerKeurst Called Quits on Her Marriage   THANK YOU my loyal listeners and new podcast listeners for a great year! What was your favorite episode of 2022?     Links Mentioned in this Episode Real Relationship Talk Youtube Channel   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

5 Free Gifts Your Spouse Will Love This Christmas Christmas is such a beautiful time of the year. It’s a season a giving; a time to come together, spend quality time with those you love, and enjoy each other's presence and presents. But some might not be into presents or able to afford them. So, in this episode, I share five free Christmas gifts that your spouse will love this season. Gift giving doesn’t always need to be focused around monetary gifts. Sometimes a thoughtful, free gift can make Christmas time extra special.   The Gift of Passion in Marriage Passion is the number one free Christmas gift you can give to your spouse this holiday season. I want you to think about what passion looks like in your marriage. Where does your marriage need a fresh dose of passion? Passion is creating excitement and igniting interest in your partner and your marriage. Find a place where you can insert more passion into the relationship to create a spark of joy this holiday season.   The Gift of Touch There is a statistic that says if a baby is not touched within the first seven days of being born, he or she could die. Touch is so integral to relationships. It literally is so necessary. If you are in a marriage and you only touch during sex, that is a problem! This kind of touch could be a gentle massage, a tight embrace, or brushing your hand on your partner's shoulder. Touch is a free Christmas gift that will help bring you and your spouse closer together. Hugging and other forms of touching triggers your brain to release the chemical of oxytocin, which is known as the “bonding hormone”. This simple and free Christmas gift could bring you and your spouse closer together in a matter of seconds.   The Gift of Decision-Making Sometimes spouses who are more laid back spouse have problems making decisions. If they do make decisions, they are extensively cross-examined as to if their decision was the right one. Give your spouse the free Christmas gift of decisions and preferences. Instead of you always creating and implementing the plans, give your spouse the opportunity to choose. This will give your spouse the space to choose something that they prefer to do this holiday season. It’s such a gift when you say to them, “I care about what you care about, and your voice matters.”   The Gift of Affirmations Most people love to get compliments. How can you affirm your spouse this Christmas season? I think words of affirmations should be part of your daily rhythm in your relationships. Most of us are so hard on ourselves, so when you have someone who tells you how great you are, it feels really good. One of the best free Christmas gifts you can give this season is the gift of affirmation. You can show gratitude, express appreciation, and tell them how much you love them. When you fill your partner's cup with affirmations, you will see a change in your spouse and in your marriage.   The Gift of Peace John 14:27 says “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world gives do I give unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” Peace is an inner knowing that all is well. There is a peace that you can give to your spouse that no one can take away. This holiday season you can set aside your differences and give your spouse the free Christmas gift of peace. Bring peace to conversations that normally may be stressful. Peace starts with YOU. Fill yourself with gratitude and love and pass peace along to your partner to create a nurturing atmosphere this season.   ALSO LISTEN TO: A Very Sexy C.H.R.I.S.T.M.A.S      SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

The Dating Playbook for Christian Singles - with Kait Tomlin If you’ve been feeling a little lost in the dating scene, this episode will provide you with the Christian dating playbook you’ve been seeking. Kait Tomlin is a dating expert, author, wife, and Christian follower who has turned her pitfalls into passion through forming her own Christian dating playbook. Kait has had her fair share of dating tragedies that she learned to turn into her purpose. Her mission is to help other Christian singles find the love that they so ever desire. Through her work, she teaches individuals to date with integrity while being open to receiving the gifts that God may reveal.    The Hookup Culture Over the last 100 years, the dating culture has changed significantly. With emerging technology, negative impacts from media, and decision fatigue, it surprisingly makes it more difficult to find that special person for you. The dating norm has gone from courting a lady, to finding someone at the bar and hooking up. This cannot be the right path, people! This is not the best way to do it. Kait said, “Media has really infiltrated how we view relationships, dating, connection, and the process to get there.” The Christian dating playbook can teach you to step outside of what you see in the media, and lead from the love of God to find your person.    Finding a Good Christian Husband Many Christian women find it so hard to find a good Christian man. Kait said, “The reality is that they [men] are not everywhere, but you have to be open that they do exist.” If you allow the bad guys out there to dictate that all men are like that, you will totally miss the good ones. A key piece in the Christian dating playbook is to date the unexpected. We have a giant list of preferences that could be holding us back from finding our perfect person. The key here is to remain open. Preferences often become non-negotiables which can seriously limit the dating pool. When you shift your perspective and focus on core character qualities, rather than preferences, you will see more potential possibilities in dating.    Rejection Is Redirection Kait had to go through the struggle herself, to birth The Heart of Dating. Through her rejection, she was able to discover her purpose to help singles find the true love of their life and in themselves. When Kait was blindsided by her ex no longer wanting to marry her, she was shattered. It forced her on a journey to rediscover who she was along with her identity as a Christian woman. When rejection hits, it allows us to go within and ask ourselves deep questions about ourselves. Rejection is part of the equation. It’s possible to feel rejection, but also feel loved and worthy at the same time.   The Dating Playbook But First Single and Content The narrative has always been so focused on getting married, having kids, and living happily ever after. That scenario is not always the case for everyone. It’s important to remain content in your singleness and enjoying the gifts that it brings. There is such beauty in spending time alone, learning about yourself, and growing into the best version of you. Remembering that single is a season of your life that is all about you. When we see this time as a gift, it allows us to appreciate what we have. The Christian dating playbook teaches you to also enjoy your singleness, while you prepare for the person God has for you.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Thank You For Rejecting Me Heart of Dating   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Raising Culturally-Conscious Christian Kids in a Chaotic Culture - with Catherine Segars Have you and your spouse ever disagreed about how to raise your kids? Disagreements about parenting can wreak havoc on a marriage. Further, raising Christian kids is no small feat. Today, our guest is Catherine Segars, an author, podcaster, speaker, and motherhood apologist who helps parents be a godly example for their children. In our conversation, we discussed the wild ride it is to be a parent. Culture can cause challenges when it comes to raising Christian kids. Catherine provides guidance on how to equip children with a tool belt to help then navigate, make decisions, and grow in a faith that they can call their own.   The Importance of Unity in Parenting You’d think that every Christian would want to raise Christian kids, but that is not always the case. When husbands and wives aren’t in sync with the way they parent their kids, it can cause friction in the marriage and family dynamics. Catherine said, “You gotta be united. Kids will sense weakness very quickly.” It’s not always easy for parents to be on a united front when it comes to parenting, but Catherine says this is extremely important to reach the end goal of raising Christian kids. When parents are in sync and on the same page, they will have more success behind raising children that stay in faith.   Words Matter When Raising Christian Kids Catherine believes in helping children create awareness around the terms they use and the biblical truth behind those words. So often in culture, words are modified and changed based on the culture’s beliefs at the time. As cultures continue to develop, terms and definitions are skewed subjectively based on the person speaking about the term. Catherine says when raising Christian kids, it’s important that children are taught to be active truth-seekers and challenge the definitions that are being reformed in society. Challenging definitions of truth allows us to make sure we have accurate definitions of words that are consistent with reality and biblical truth.   Allow Kids to Question Everything As a parent, you have got to be on your toes in this day and age. Society and culture are trying to teach kids not how to think but what to think. True education is teaching kids how to process information and arrive at a truthful conclusion. We can teach our kids how to look at an issue from all sides, and to figure out the truth of that. It’s important that children have the chance to think and question for themselves in order to arrive at their own conclusion. Parents remember, this is healthy behavior when raising Christian kids.    Challenge Labels in Culture We need to start challenging labels in culture and society. Culture labels people and discards them. God does not. If you stand up for truth, you are going to get labeled. Catherine repeating what Jesus taught, said, “The enemy is the father of lies.” We need to have the expectation that we will be labeled if we are standing for biblical truth. As we are raising Christian kids to be resilient and courageous, it’s very possible that it may happen to us. This doesn’t mean we have to put labels on other people. We need to have that expectation we will be labeled, we may get discarded, but we will not operate that way. We can’t operate by the world's standard; we operate by our God’s standards of helping and serving people. It’s key to remember that we, as parents must always lead by example when raising Christian kids. This is how we walk the talk and help our kids to become leaders who love God and love people in a chaotic world. YOU'VE GOT TO ALSO HEAR THIS: Episode 8 - Teen Pregnancy, Parenting, and Talking to Your Kids About Sex - with My Mom, Paula Wynn Links Mentioned in this Episode Catherine Segars Website Christian Parent, Crazy World Podcast   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How the Enneagram Can Improve Your Marriage - with Christa Hardin The Enneagram, a system of personality typing that describes patterns in how people interpret the world and manage their emotions, can tell us a lot about ourselves. Even better, when you pair the Enneagram and marriage, you can learn deeply about your relationship.   The Enneagram is a 9-type personality test where you score 1 through 10. Once you figure out what type you are, you can better understand your struggles and your strengths. Christa Hardin, our guest today, is no stranger to the Enneagram. She is a relationship coach whose specialty is the Enneagram and marriage. She works with her clients to nourish their relationships by understanding the Enneagram and using it to their advantage.   Understanding the Enneagram Types As stated, there are 9 types on the Enneagram scale. You can take an Enneagram personality test to better understand the weaknesses and strengths of your personality. Sometimes we get caught up with our weaknesses, but the Enneagram helps us to realize that sometimes our “shadow parts” (the unhealthy side of our personality) can actually guide us toward healthier interactions. Enneagram and marriage compatibility is something you can learn and grow from once you understand the meaning behind some of the things your partner does. When you find that you can work together, rather than against each other, that’s the sweet spot. Enneagram within marriage can help spouses to reveal more of the truth in themselves and create a better understanding of each other.   Compatibility in the Enneagram Some people wonder if they should search for someone on the Enneagram who is compatible with their Enneagram type. While it could be helpful, it’s not necessary. Christa says, “Often love finds us in the sense of opposites, and the polarity is what brings us together.” Sometimes love meets you in a way you never expected. Be aware that every type has a different gift. The combinations of those gifts are endless.    It is far better to have a good commitment and partnership with someone than to find a good match on the Enneagram scale. Learning about the Enneagram and marriage can help guide you closer to your partner and create a more loving, nurturing relationship.   My Partner Doesn’t Believe in the Enneagram What if you’re “sold” on the Enneagram, but your partner isn’t? The best way to change someone's mind about something is to lead by example, Christa reminds us. If you want your partner to understand the value that the Enneagram understanding brings to your life, you have to pave the way to understanding. No one ever said learning about the Enneagram and marriage is fool-proof. However, when you show how the Enneagram has created guidance and light in your life, it will become contagious. When your partner sees you maturing and growing, they will want to jump on board. When you find clarity in your life from the Enneagram tool, you can also help others better create understanding for their own life. Listen to: How to Stop Comparing Within Your Marriage    Self-Compassion and Growth Self-compassion is the first step to owning your emotions and overcoming your shadow side. Allowing yourself to explore all the facets of your personality is a great way to recognize where you are and where you want to be.   By being open to learning about Enneagram and marriage, you can have a new perspective on how you see yourself and your struggles. It opens your mind to new possibilities of seeing yourself and your life. When we learn to work with our wounds, it allows us to grow and help people along the way. When we take time to work on healing, it will benefit us in our relationships. Be sure to listen to the full episode and learn all about how the Enneagram can help you in your marriage!   Links Mentioned in this Episode Enneagram and Marriage: Christa’s Website The Road Back To You: One of the greatest books on the Enneagram Take the Enneagram Test by Truity   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Finding Financial Peace in Your Marriage - with Austin Black I had the wonderful privilege to have a conversation with Austin Black, who is a Ramsey Solutions Master Financial Coach. In this episode, we talk about how families can create financial peace even when times are hard. Austin teaches financial management and helps couples to see how money affects nearly every aspect of their lives. He uses his skills to teach people that you can win with money in life and marriage to achieve financial independence.   Dave Ramsey’s 8 Baby Steps In order to help his clients achieve financial peace, Austin helps people learn the eight steps to achieve true financial freedom. This eight-step process helps guide people in learning about money, creating smart financial decisions, and planning for the future. The steps used on his clients are meant to guide them to use money as a tool, not a burden. Before jumping into the eight steps, Austin believes that there needs to be a strong financial vision in place before starting the work to achieve financial peace.   Create Your Vision for Financial Transformation It can be overwhelming and daunting when you decide to take a hold of your power and get serious about your money. Austin believes that before you begin to make changes you must identify your vision, create a plan to accomplish the vision and then manage your behavior to make that plan happen. It takes a deep knowing that you are ready to commit to big change. When couples can, together, get aligned with a shared financial vision, that’s where the magic happens. With big change comes big reward. Creating financial peace doesn’t come easy, but it is possible. Regardless of how fast you want to go, you must have the desire to get to the place you want to be. “You gotta start with the desire, that’s where everything begins,” Austin advised.    Effective Money Conversations In Marriage Couples often need help when it comes to communicating around finances. At times, couples will find themselves running into issues when it comes to being in agreement about their budget. The budget, however, will not solve anything if the communication is not there in a marriage. Austin said, “We gotta figure out how you guys can talk to each other without arguing, while being able to understand each other and respect each other.” A lot of times, couples have the same goals around money but the communication barrier gets in the way of them achieving true financial peace. Austin brings his clients back to the basics by learning to communicate clearly around their money needs and goals.   Finding Your Financial Balance in Marriage The core essence in marriages when it comes to finances is his belief that women are the natural savers and men aren’t as worried about saving. Women have the need for security, stability and insurance through finances. It’s so important to understand both sides of the masculine and feminine dynamics in a marriage when it comes to finances because it gives clarity on how to move together better. When partners can understand their strengths and see they are on the same team, it can help achieve financial peace. It takes work in communicating and understanding strengths that each partner can bring to the financial table. When couples can remember that they are on the financial journey together, they will be on the right path.      Links Mentioned in this Episode Freedom Money Coach Heart of Money Podcast Start with Why by Simon Sinek      SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.      Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love Never Fails (Love Is... Series) This is the final episode in our love is series on how to love unconditionally . . . a love that never fails. I am fresh off of a world-class trip all the way across the world to Tanzania, East Africa, and if this is maybe your first time listening to the podcast, maybe you didn't know that I was away for so long. Well, of course I have to update you on all the wonderful things that happen on that trip and maybe I'll do a bonus episode just to kind of give you guys, those of you who want to know all about the trip, I'll be able to share with you some really great details.    It was really a great time. There were so many things that God did in and through our team. Just some things I just don't even have words for yet. I'm still processing, I'm still thinking on what I experienced and what I was able to be a part of as I led this team. It was incredible, you all, it was incredible. One of the things though that I think I was so struck with was these people's hunger and thirst for God.    So what we are here for today, you guys, is to talk about our conclusion to the Love Is series. I'm so sad. I'm like, oh my gosh, this series has been so amazing. I have promoted the Love Is workbook. And if you don't have your copy, please go to http://realrelationship.com/loveis and get your copy today. This is the last time that we'll talk about the workbook  Love Never Fails But People Do Okay, on to our topic: Love never fails. Think about that statement, love never fails. So if you have been in a relationship with someone who has failed you, or maybe you have failed someone, then the question is, was it love that failed or was it you or that person that may have fallen in your expression of love? You see, I believe that when we look at what the Bible teaches about love, the Bible says God is love. And even for those who are not Christians, even for those who do not consider themselves to be believers, that scripture is pretty common. God is love. That means that at the core of who God is, that yes, God is good, and yes, God is powerful, and yes, God is holy, and yes, God is amazing. But at the core of who he is, he is love. He is the very essence of love. And so to know God is to know love. And to not know God is to not know love. As a matter of fact, it says in I John, chapter four, “the one who does not love does not know God because God is love.” So if you're a person and your love is very fickle, your love is conditional. You choose who you're going to love, when you're going to love, how you're going to love, how much you're going to love. Well, this scripture says, my friend, that you don't know God.    God's love isn't fickle. His love isn't inconsistent. His love doesn't have conditions. As a matter of fact, it can be intimidating sometimes when we think about God's love, because we can't live like Him. We're not God. We're not perfect. But you know what we can do? We can choose to love in ways that are like Him. We can choose to love people who don't always love us in return. We could choose to love people who will never be able to give us anything in return. Why did I go to Tanzania? Was it because I wanted these people to give me something that I needed, whether it be finances or affirmations or accolades? No, I didn't want or expect anything from them. I simply went because I believe that God called me to go and because I wanted to just give them everything I had, anything that I had. That is what it means to love. Unfailing Love Changes Us and the World Think about a good parent who loves their baby. That baby can't do anything for you. As a matter of fact, that baby is going to keep you up at night. It's going to cry and scream when you need to go to work in the morning. It's going to refuse milk when you know that that is what the baby wants. I mean, the baby can't give you anything. The baby is not loving you. But because you love that child unconditionally, you will keep showing up night after night after night. You will keep trying to soothe that child. You will keep trying to provide for that child's needs because you love him or her.    I wonder what the world would look like if we all showed up like that in our relationships, where we weren't loving people to get something from them, but we were just simply showing up to love them because we understood that love never fails. You see, our love shouldn't wax and wane. Our love should be consistent. We shouldn't love people based on their performance. I will love you until die. None of us ever gets married and says that in our marriage vows, right? None of us gets married and says, I will love you until . . .  Love doesn't depend on the performance of the one to whom it's given. Meaning, if you're going to love somebody, love them, regardless of what they can do for you. It isn't about how well they perform, how they float your boat, how they meet your needs, how they love you in return. If those qualifiers are present, my friend, your love is conditional and it will not last.   We have to become a people who truly learn how to love people, regardless of who they are, what they're doing, what they're not doing, how they're meeting our needs or not. It's easy for us to love people who are good to us. It's easy for us to love people who are kind to us, who show up for us, who are encouraging us, who support us, right? Who have our best interests at heart. It's easy to love folks like that.  How to Love the Unloveables But what about the people who don't show up for you? What about the people who don't encourage you? What about the people who don't even receive the love that you're trying to give to them? Or who are ungrateful? That stuff hurts, you guys. And I'm not brushing it aside and saying, well, just get over it and just love him anyway. No. Like, it hurts and we have to take a minute sometimes to be like, whoa, that's not what I expected here. But then what are you going to do? Are you going to let your love be conditional because their love is conditional?   Are you going to let your love be inconsistent because their love is inconsistent? Or are you going to show up and say, you know what? I'm going to choose to love you regardless of your performance. You see, I believe that we can't truly love without having the experience of God's love, not just the understanding of it, because a lot of us know in our minds that God is love and he's loving and he's kind and he's all of that. But so many of us have not experienced the love of God. We have not experienced it for ourselves. And so because we haven't experienced it, we can't give it. We still see God as this scary guy who as long as we're doing good, we're in his good graces. But the moment that we mess up, he wants to kind of kick us to the curb.    Think about like a two year-old that knows that his parents love him regardless of what he does. So he can hit, he can bite, he can have a tantrum, he can do whatever he's going to do. But at the end of the day, when he's afraid, he runs into his mommy and daddy's room because he knows that's the place of his protection. That's how God wants us to see Him. Not as some scary God who's judging us for all the things that we're doing. Because if you have that viewpoint of God, then you're never going to draw near to Him. You're always going to stay away. I preached about this when I was in Tanzania, and I'm not going to get into it now because hello, bonus episode. But I will tell you this. If you've not experienced God's love, you're not going to be able to give God's love to people, and you're not going to be able to receive love from other people. You will always be a little bit suspicious. When people love you deeply, you'll always think, what do they want? They have something in mind. What's the catch? But people who are loved well love well. And people who are loved well know how to be loved well.  Unconditional Love Heals Broken Hearts If you are someone who you've been in relationships that have been unhealthy, that have been toxic, that have been inconsistent, maybe you've been betrayed, you've had your heart broken. My prayer for you, my friend, is that you would experience the healing power of God's love so that you can not only be a person of love, but so that you can also receive real love when it comes your Way. You see, I believe that when God is the source of your love and again, I'm not talking about just having an understanding of his love, but I'm talking about when he's truly the source of your love. And when you have that experiential knowledge and depth of his love, it will fuel you to love other people. That's the kind of love that doesn't fail. This is how you can still love people when they abuse you, misuse you, or even try to hurt you. Now.   There is a difference between loving somebody and being in proximity with that person. I've talked about this on other episodes. A lot of times I'll say there's a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. You can forgive someone and not be reconciled to them in a physical relationship. The same is true with love. You can love someone and not be in close proximity to that person. Maybe that person is not a safe person. Maybe that person is not someone that can be trusted. And so, therefore, you cannot be in proximity to them, but you can still keep your love on toward them.  Keep Your Love On Danny Silk wrote a book several years ago called Keep Your Love On. And he, likens love to a faucet. And he says that it is up to us whether we're going to turn the faucet on keeping our love on or whether we're going to turn the faucet off turning our love off. And that simple little analogy. You all was such an eye opener for me because I realized that in my relationships, I would turn the faucet on and off, depending on how the other person was acting. So if you were treating me good oh, man. We're going to have a full faucet here. Full of water pressure. I was going to turn my love on. I was going to go through all the hoops and the bells and the whistles, but the moment that that person started to treat me anything less than what I felt like I should be treated, off went the spigot. And I turned my love off. And I got to a point.   Going through that study with a group of married couples, Shaun and I leading these groups of married couples, I realized I don't want my love to be like that. That's easy love that's cheap love I wanted my love to remain on even when people were inconsistent with me. And y'all, I am challenged in this every single day, just like you are. And sometimes I fail the test and sometimes I pass. My goal isn't perfection. My goal is to choose to show up for people, regardless if they're showing up for me or not. My goal is to have a love that does not fail. A love that sands the test of time. A love that when people when I'm done loving these people, that they can look back and say, you know what? I didn't always treat Dana the way that she deserved to be treated. But she loved me, didn't she?   The Bible says that God is kind to the ungrateful. I've said that many times on the show, and it's true. And when we have that understanding of who God is and how he shows up for us, even though we don't always show up for Him, it humbles you. I know it humbles me because I can't give God a list of all of my accolades and all the wonderful things that I've always done. No, it's quite the opposite, actually, where I have a list of my flaws and my faults, and I'm like, God, why do you still love me? Why do you still bless me? Why do you still give me these incredible opportunities? Why do you give me influence? Why do you trust me? And he's like, because I love you. It's not because you're the greatest. It's not because you're the smartest. It's not because I couldn't choose anybody else. There's nobody else available. I just love you. It's just as simple as that. You Have to Experience Love to Give Love Some of you have never experienced God's love. You show up on this podcast. You listen to all these other podcasts. You're trying to figure out how to make your relationships work, and it's not working because you haven't experienced God's love. Can I encourage you to start there? If you don't have a relationship with God, would today be the day that you open your heart to Him and you say, god, there's a lot of junk in my heart. There's a lot of bad teaching, maybe philosophies that I believe that have gone against what I believe now about who you are. Don't worry about all that. God will clean all that stuff up. The only thing that he needs from you is a willing heart to invite Him in and to surrender your life to Him. And when you do that, he will show you things that you never could have imagined. Your relationships that have been struggling, some of y'all going around the same old Melbury tree for ten years, you will not have that struggle any longer. Once you get a taste of God's love for you, once you allow Him to love your spouse, your partner through you. You see, that's what I realized. That for me, when it was very difficult for me to love Shaun, it was because I was trying to love him the "Dana way." Well, the Dana way doesn't work, okay? I had to learn how to love him the God away. I had to learn how to go first, how to initiate some things, how to say I'm sorry, even though I needed an apology. I had to learn how to lay my life down and lay my desires down and stop keeping score and stop thinking about all of my needs that were not being met. I had to learn how to love the God way.   And I will tell you something that when I learned how to love the God way and I'm still working on it, you all, I am not an expert here. I am not on a high horse. But when I learned the difference, it made all the difference. People always ask us, what changed in your relationship? What was the thing that took you guys from this horrible adulterous relationship to where you are today? And Shaun and I have both tried to think of, like, a real quick response and answer something that sounds like profound, but the truth is, you all, we just decided to do things God's way. That's it. We just decided to stop trying to do things our own way because our way wasn't working. And maybe you're looking at the shards of your relationship and you're starting to have an understanding of revelation that your way isn't working. Listen, friend, there's no shame in that. Don't feel bad or guilty about that. Praise God, you've seen the lights. Now the question is, what are you going to do about it?   Are you going to keep on trying to love in your own conditional, inconsistent way, tit for tat? Or are you going to choose this love that never fails, this love that doesn't end, this love that isn't based on conditions or performance, that's the love that never fails. That's the love that we're after. And every episode that you're going to hear on the Real Relationship Talk podcast is going to be talking about that kind of love. Am I not going to talk about things that you need to do and tips and tricks that you need in your relationship? Absolutely. Because we all need that. But the tips and the tricks and the tools only work if you have first surrendered to unconditional love. That never fails. That's the only way it works. You all, you can keep on trying to do this in your own strength. You can keep on putting the bandaid on, you can keep on going from one relationship to the next to the next to the next. Think that's the next person. That's going to be the magic pill. But at some point, you're going to have to come face to face with, am I going to receive this love that God has for me? Am I going to first receive it for myself? And then, am I going to give it to those people that God has placed in my life? When you do that, everything's going to change for you. Maybe you have an incredible relationship, an incredible marriage. Keep it up.  Don't Allow Your Love to Fail Don't let your love wax and wane. Don't let it fail, y'all. We're going to go through seasons in our lives and seasons and relationships. Relationships have seasons. You're not always going to be up. There are hills and there are valleys, but when you go through the valley, you have to keep your love on. As hard as it is, I'm still tempted to turn my love off because it's a protection, it's a self-preservation mechanism. That's what it is. So when we turn our love off, we feel like we're protecting ourselves from getting hurt. But the truth of the matter is we're actually just closing ourselves off. It doesn't protect us at all because we still get hurt and then we become bitter. And then that bitterness leads to resentment, and resentment left undetected and unhealed, turns into hatred, which is absolutely the opposite of what we're going for here. One of my favorite scriptures is out of Romans 8:38, 39, “For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.”   Being a Christian isn't about belonging to a specific church or a denomination or wearing dresses or home schooling your children. That's not what being a Christian is all about. Being a Christian is about experiencing and surrendering to the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, that he gave his very life for you, that he died a cruel, cruel death so that you wouldn't have to. And it's just simply saying, I receive that love now. I want to give that love. I want to be conformed into your image. I want to spend the rest of my life learning how to be like you God. That's what being a Christian is. And I'm sorry for the many Christians who have messed it up and who have treated people way less than what God would ever treat someone as who have given the word Christian a bad reputation and a bad name. But I want to tell you something. Don't judge God by his children, okay? Because some of them are illegitimate anyway, but even the legitimate ones who get it wrong, don't judge God by them. That's not who he is. When you experience his love, you'll know, and you'll be forever changed and so will your relationships.   LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE How to Forgive Someone Who's Hurt You Keep Your Love On Book by Danny Silk The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love Rejoices with the Truth (Love Is... Series) We are talking about truth today, but many people want to know what truth is. Love rejoices with truth. I’m here to tell you first hand that understanding the truth can be difficult, especially when it comes to the truth about love. Truth affects our marriages and relationships, but I believe that it also affects every other aspect of our lives. We can discover truth from the word of God by listening, reading, and understanding what God’s heart is for us. In today’s episode, we dive into what truth really is, what may be preventing you from seeing the truth, and how to live a life full of truth and love.  What is Real Truth? 1 Corinthians 13:6-7 says, “Love rejoices with truth.” That is a very simple, yet complicated scripture. Love rejoices with truth, but what is truth? Truth is not something that we get to create based on our culture, experiences, or preferences. Truth is a matter of fact. There are some things that are true, and some things that are not. God is the author of truth and the Source of love. It is possible to have truth and love at the same time, although sometimes, the truth can hurt. In your relationships, you can speak truth and also be speaking love. Sometimes in relationships, your partner could be saying something that's true, but due to your own personal wounds, it could cause hurt. Your friends, family, and partner may want to express truth to you, not to embarrass or criticize, but to show you they truly love you and they care. You have to accept and expect for people close to you to want to express the truth and about you and welcome it with love.    The Truth Sometimes Hurts Do you remember a time when someone told you something about yourself that you didn’t want to believe? You may have felt a knee jerk reaction to be upset or deny what they said. Sometimes the truth about ourselves can trigger us because we don’t want to seem like flawed individuals. People who love us and have the best intentions for us will speak truth in a loving way for our growth as humans. Love rejoices in truth. When you find people in your life who are willing to step out there to tell you the truth by God's grace, that's love. It is helpful to surround yourself with people who will speak the truth to you in love. People that love you will help guide the way. It doesn’t always feel good, but sometimes things need to be said. It’s our personal job to not take truth as criticism, but to hear truth as is it. It sometimes can feel like tough love, but at the end of the day, it’s love.   Speak the Truth in Relationships . . . in Love Healthy relationships are not relationships that avoid conflict. Healthy relationships are measured by how quickly you recover from conflict. When you think of your relationship, do you feel conflict consumes the majority of your relationships? If you answered yes to that question, you may need to look at how truthful and loving you and your partner are being. Healthy relationship are ones where love rejoices with truth. It’s about being grateful to your partner for having the ability to be truthful to you about things and accepting you for who you truly are. Hopefully, you can have a relationship where you both recognize the truth about one another, imperfections and all, and still stand by each other. It can be challenging to speak the honest truth in relationships, but sometimes partners need to hear it. We all have blindspots that we don’t see about ourselves, but our partners love us enough to speak up and communicate things that we may not see about ourselves.   Links Mentioned in this Episode 5 Guidelines to Speaking the Truth in Love  7 Tips to Become a Better Listener   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs (Love Is... Series) - with Dr. J. Calvin Tibbs Friends, love is not easy. We are all flawed humans and mess up from time to time. The truth is, love doesn’t keep score. Why do we keep records of wrong doings? Sometimes, it can be a form of protecting ourselves. In today’s episode, I had the honor of speaking to Dr. J. Calvin Tibbs. Dr. Tibbs is the senior pastor at Kingdom Dominion Church in Georgia. Today we talk about how we can let love win, start forgiving, all the while letting go of keeping score.   Stop Holding Anger and Forgive We often hold on to bitterness, resentment and anger while trying to keep score in relationships. This is no way to love our partners. Again, love doesn’t keep score. We are conditioned, as humans, to hold on to anger. This learned behavior closes us off to fully love our partners the way God intended us to love them. When we hold in anger, it can build up, causing more tension and pain in the relationship. It is so important for couples in relationships to be able to communicate freely and let their partner in when something may be bothering them. When we stop our anger from building up, we allow our partners to get closer to understanding where our real pain may be stemming from. When we step out of anger and begin to forgive quickly, it allows us to move through the healing process more efficiently.    Stop Keeping Score So many people are operating relationships in autopilot. When we wake up and realize we are doing something wrong, we need to also give grace to our partner and give space to forgive. Each partner needs their own time to heal. When an issue arises in a relationship, it can be difficult to move on when one partner continues to keep score. Couples need to realize that they are on the same team. Some couples feel that keeping score allows them to have justice for the wrongdoings. They use justification for the way they may treat their partner because they feel like they have one up on them, but love doesn’t keep record of wrongs. Sacrifice is needed in every single relationship. When you are able to love your partner in their imperfections, you can give them grace and love for the mistakes that they make.   Serve Your Spouse Without Expectations Couples can transform their relationships by serving each other to the best of their abilities. When you let go of the need to receive and simply give love freely, you will see the blessings unfold. Each partner who gives their love without expectations will nourish something beautiful in their relationship. Dr. Tibbs said each partner should ask themselves, “Why am I here?” When partners realize that they are here to serve God as well as their spouse, they can fully understand their purpose. When couples can slow down in the relationship and understand where the resistance is coming from, it can give them direction on where to go. When you seek God in the pursuit of your relationship, love keeps no record of wrongs.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Calvin Tibbs Inc: Dr. Tibbs’s Website and Coaching A Man Made For Marriage: Dr. Tibbs’s Book The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.