Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

How to Know When It’s Time to Divorce In this episode, we are discussing the difficult topic of divorce. Although I am pro-marriage through and through, there are times, sadly, when divorce may need to occur: abuse, adultery, abandonment, and addiction. While divorce is never easy, sometimes it is the only option left for individuals to protect themselves and their families. We explore each of these situations and provide information on how to recognize when it may be time to consider divorce. When to Divorce: Abuse Abuse can come in many forms, including physical, emotional, and verbal. It is important to recognize the signs of abuse and know when it is time to seek help. I do not believe a marriage can be saved when there is physical abuse present. I always advise individuals to seek help and safety if they are being physically abused. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached 24 hours a day at 800-799-7233.  We also address the common misconceptions surrounding abuse and why leaving an abusive relationship is often the best course of action. Emotional abuse is different. I believe couples need to seek therapeutic help to determine if mental illness is a factor or if a spouse is simply being mean or a jerk. This is tricky, because all abuse is harmful, but not all cases of emotional verbal abuse warrant divorce.    Should We Divorce Because of Adultery Adultery can be devastating to a marriage and can leave individuals feeling hurt, rejected, and betrayed. No matter why the infidelity happened, the betrayed spouse needs to know it was not his/her fault. My marriage story includes our journey from adultery, and in no way was it easy. However, just because a marriage has gone through adultery doesn’t mean it is irretrievably broken.  Your marriage can heal after adultery. In the Bible, the prophet Malachi issues a strong warning to the men to not treat their wives “treacherously” because God hates divorce (Malachi 2:14-16). Too many have focused on the “God hates divorce” part without considering these verses in their proper context. Divorce, in that time, was “cruelty” to women (verse 16). Women in those days had no way to provide or protect themselves. And since God loves his daughters, he hates divorce. Plus, it violates covenant, and God is serious about covenant.   Is Abandonment a Reason to Divorce When a spouse walks out on the marriage, it can be devastating. Abandonment isn’t only a painful experience for the spouse who stayed but also any children that might be present. This leads to feelings of loneliness, rejection, and betrayal for those left behind.  One of the best Scriptures that pertain to this is I Corinthians 7:15: “But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” If a spouse walks out on you, you are not required to go chase down behind them or wait for years for him/her to return.    Addiction Ruins Families and May Be a Cause to Divorce Addiction can have a profound impact on a marriage and can cause significant stress and strain on a relationship. Most people agree that addiction is a disease and usually required professional help to overcome. Addiction is messy, and often non-addicted spouses feel guilty for filing for divorce.  While I do not counsel couples to divorce, I do advise them to see carefully weigh the positives and negatives in their decision to stay with an addicted partner. There must be firm boundaries set in cases where addiction is wrecking a marriage.    ALSO READ: How to Live with An Addicted Spouse   Divorce is never an easy decision, but sometimes it is necessary to protect oneself and one's family. In this episode, we explored four common situations that can lead to divorce: abuse, adultery, abandonment, and addiction. It is important to remember that seeking help and support is essential during this difficult time. I believe there needs to be a lot of support and wise counsel before one makes the difficult decision to divorce.   Links Mentioned In this Episode    Episode 6: On the Brink of Divorce to a Different Choice - with Javier and Christina Llerna  Episode 83: A Marriage Restored After Divorce, Drugs, & Deconstruction - with Chris & Steph Teague      SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

  Feeling, Dealing, and Healing from Rejection - with Nicole Langman   Welcome to this episode of our podcast where we will be discussing the topic of how to deal with and heal from rejection.  Rejection is a common experience that everyone goes through at some point in their life. It can be a painful and difficult experience to deal with, especially when you’re rejected by a spouse or someone you love. It’s important to understand that rejection is not a reflection of our self-worth. In this episode, I talk with clinical therapist, Nicole Langman, who wrote the book You are Wanted: Reclaiming the Truth of Who You Are. We explore different ways to cope with rejection and how to heal from it.   Understanding Rejection Let’s start off by exploring what rejection is and how it affects us. Rejection is a normal part of life, and it can come in many forms such as rejection from a job, rejection in a relationship, or rejection from a friend. It’s important to understand that rejection can be painful, but it doesn’t define who we are as a person. Nicole and I also discuss how rejection can affect our mental health and the importance of taking care of ourselves during these times.   Coping with Rejection   Nicole shares the painful story of how her husband walked out on her after more than twenty years of marriage. That rejection did a number on her soul, until she remembered who she was. It’s important to know that rejection can cause soul wounds, triggering abandonment or loss feelings we may have suffered from in other relationships. This is where narrative therapy really helped her and some of the people Nicole has worked with around this issue.    In this segment, we also discuss different coping mechanisms for dealing with rejection. This is where knowing your identity in Christ is crucial. When you know who He says you are, no matter how someone has rejected you or made you feel, you can heal more quickly from their actions. Nicole and I also talk about the importance of acknowledging our feelings and not suppressing them, as well as the importance of seeking support from those who love us. Some other self-care practices like exercise, meditating on God’s word, getting out of your head, and even journaling can help us cope with rejection.   ALSO LISTEN TO: How Apathy and a Lack of Interest is Silently Killing Your Relationship    Healing from Rejection Lastly, we will talk about the process of healing from rejection. Self-reflection is important here and we can use the experience of being rejected as a learning opportunity. We also talk about how forgiveness is an important part of the healing process, both for ourselves and for the person who rejected us. Finally, we will touch on how to move forward from rejection and finding the courage to love and trust again.      Rejection is a difficult experience to go through, but it’s important to understand that it’s not a reflection on who we are. By acknowledging our feelings, seeking support, and engaging in the healing process, we can cope with rejection in a healthy way. Through self-reflection, spiritual practices, and forgiveness, we can also heal from rejection and use the experience as an opportunity for growth. Remember, rejection may have hurt, but it doesn’t have to destroy you. With time and resilience, we can move forward and find true healing as we remember that God can use anything, even rejection, for our good and His glory.    LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Nicole’s Langman's website  Get Nicole's Book: You are Wanted    SIMILAR PODCAST EPISODES ON REJECTION: Episode 122    SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.    Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Black Marriage: Behind the Scenes  (Black Love)- with Early and Cherese Jackson Black marriage, like any other type of marriage, is complex and multifaceted, evolving over time. Historically, black people in America have faced numerous challenges when it comes to love, dating, and marriage. My guests on today's podcast are Early and Cherese Jackson. Married for nearly fourteen years, the Jacksons discuss how an "independent black woman" and a confident, unintimidated black met, married, and are walking together in business and ministry. It's a behind the scenes look at a real marriage. A healthy marriage. An example of a good marriage.    Emotional Support Truthfully, whether you're black or not, you need the emotional support of your spouse. Cherese discusses how she often needs her own space to create and be herself. Early, understanding his wife's temperament and needs has learned to adjust and give her the emotional support she desires even while not physically being in her presence.    Parenting Dynamics When it comes to parenting, most couples will disagree on some levels. Usually, one parent is "softer" than the other, which causes one parent to be more of a disciplinarian. Couple that with a blended family, and you have a recipe for hurt feelings and disconnection. Or . . . you have an opportunity for true unity and compromise. Early and Cherese chose the latter, learning with a limp, as they blended their family together.    From present-day systemic racism, black couples have had to navigate a society that often fails to value and support their relationships. Despite these challenges, black marriage has persisted, and in recent years, there has been a resurgence of interest in celebrating and elevating black love. That's the entire reason I did this #blacklove series on the show.    Thank you for taking this journey with me and celebrating the stories of black love.    LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Connect with Early and Cherese and New Direction Coaching Get Your Free 7 Secrets to a Healthy Marriage!   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

8 Blessings & Burdens of Growing Up Black (Black Love)  Growing up black was a blessing, but there were facets of how we grew up that could also be a burden. In this episode I discuss the strengths, weaknesses, blessings and burdens that come with growing up in a black family. Whether you’re here to learn about what it was like growing up black, here to learn more about your black friends, or wanted a message to resonate with, this episode dives into my experience as a black person growing up in America.   I noticed that a lot of the blessings and burdens are indicative of our black community. The reason I wanted to showcase these things is because I feel that they are strengths that our community can glean from, however sometimes they can also be weaknesses. Here are the 8 blessings that can also be burdens.   Being Independent Growing up black, I think one of the greatest things that I learned was independence. Being independent taught me never to rely on other people for my success. It's taught me how to get stuff done on my own. It taught me that I can do more than I realized. Being black you realize you have to do things by yourself. I was a latchkey kid. This taught me a lot about independence. However, on the flip side of that coin, independence can make us reject the support from others. There's this strong sense of pride in our we have, which is great, but sometimes the burden of it is that it can make us so independent that we don't know how to get along with others.   Show Some Respect The second blessing that I learned growing up black is respect. Now I have a very high version of respect for others. This also caused me to have a very high appreciation for authority. Growing up as a black kid, you didn't call grown ups by their first name; you addressed them by Mrs, Ms., or Mr. (insert last name). Growing up black, there was such a level of respect in our community. On the flip side, it can become a burden. When you don't develop the greatest relationships with your children, because you’re hyper-focused on respect, it turns more into “Yes ma’am, no sir.” vs “Hey Mom, hey Daddy.”   Discipline Your Kids Number three of growing up black taught me discipline. I learned how to be a disciplined person. On Saturday mornings, my mother would wake us up with her loud gospel music and that was our cleanup day. She didn't care that we were out of school that day and we wanted to relax, this was chore day! That taught me that you need to get stuff done. You don't just lay around and not participate in the community you live in. We're a part of a community, our little family. The burden is that sometimes we can be too disciplined, too rigid, and too stoic in our beliefs and our behaviors.    Growing Up Black Takes Strength We learned strength growing up black. We learned how to be strong and tough. Not only physically strong, but also emotionally strong. It taught us how to not let life tear you down. Black folks were going through some difficult times. You couldn’t let the happenings in society tear you down because you would be completely weak. On the flip side of that, sometimes that strength can make you too hard and unemotional. That takes a lot of work to undo.   Resiliency Makes Us Strong Number five is my favorite thing to talk about. Resiliency is similar to strength, but resiliency is really having the ability to bounce back after getting knocked down. When I was young, I watched my mom go through all sorts of craziness in her life. She just kept getting back up even though she might get knocked down again. Nothing, it seemed, could keep her down. I learned that for myself as well. Unfortunately resiliency can sometimes make you stay in unhealthy or toxic relationships or friendships. It can cause you to not want to ever give up on things, even though “giving up” may be the best, healthiest thing for you.    You Have To Be Resourceful My mom always knew how to make something from nothing. Growing up black, we learned all you need is a little to make something work. Learning how to be resourceful allowed me to use what I had at the time. It taught me creativity on a whole other level. This, however, can become a burden, because resourcefulness can breed a scarcity mentality. If you're always thinking you don’t need a whole lot, then you won’t expect what you actually deserve. This scarcity mentality can ruin relationships, so be aware of that.    Family Matters What a blessing to have the rich legacy that black families provide. Family always came first. For the most part, black culture has a very family-centric focus. Having a close knit-family brought so much fun and laughter into my life. Cousins and family abounded everywhere. However, having a close family culture can also cause some burdens. Sometimes our families can meddle a little too much in our business. Because the family ties are so close, people will be up in your business who don’t need to be. It’s so important to learn how to set boundaries because of this.   Spirituality and Faith in the Black Community  Finally, the biggest blessing of growing up black is spirituality and faith. There is a super strong sense of faith and God in the black community. Prayer, faith and spirituality are so interwoven in the fabric of the black family. Not every black person is or was a Christian, but all the black people I knew honored God on some level. Church was a mainstay in many black families. On the flip side, this expectation of “godliness’ can breed hypocrisy, making people be outwardly religious, but inwardly “rachet.”    As I’ve mentioned in the episode, growing up black isn’t superior to any other way of growing up. And, certainly, many of these lessons were experienced by other ethnicities and cultures as well. From my upbringing, being raised black, I have learned that what might seem like a burden can also be a blessing depending on the lens you’re looking from.     Links Mentioned in this Episode Real Relationship Talk Get Your Free 7 Secrets to a Healthy Marriage! Black Marriage in America    SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

The Myth of the Broke & Broken Black Family (Black Love) - with Kevin and Wanda Turpin   We’re celebrating black love on this Valentine’s Day! And I’m dispelling the myth that most black families are broke or broken. The truth is there is a resiliency and strength that is foundational to many healthy black marriages and relationships.   Today, I’m joined by one of my pastors, Kevin Turpin, and his wife, Wanda. The Turpins have been married 44 years! Below are some snippets of our conversation as we delve into what they learned from their parents’ longstanding marriages, how they overcame communication problems in their own marriage, and what they think their greatest legacy as a family is.   What Did Your Parents Teach You About Love   Dana Che: The fact that both of you guys have both of your parents. I love that because I feel like a lot of the stereotype is that all black people grew up in single parent homes and no black people grew up with their fathers. And both of you are living witnesses of the opposite,. You both grew up in families that were intact. Not perfect, I'm sure, but healthy.   Wanda: And we even grew up with our grandparents being married, that probably also, Dana, was a benefit to our marriage. I’m sure had our parents had some tough times, but you just don't leave. You work it out. Now, there are some things harder to get over than others, but you work it out and you stick it out until hopefully it does work out and your marriage makes sense. We saw strong marriages growing up.   Black Love: Elevating Not Excluding   Dana Che: When we say black love, this is not meant to be racially exclusive. We want everyone here to feel included. But I also want to make sure that we elevate black love, especially during Black History Month. We are elevating what black love is, how resilient, how strong it is. Pastor Kevin, let me just start off by telling people we have a big value of marriage counseling and marriage coaching on this show. I know Shaun and I sat across the counseling table from you many times in our relationship, and you've counseled quite a lot of couples, not just in our church, but just couples in general.   Let me ask you, just kind of starting off this conversation, if you had to say, over the course of the many couples that you have counseled, what do you see as kind of the main foundational problem that a lot of couples are facing? Couples with Communication Problems Kevin: I would say communication on so many different levels. And part of it is not understanding the wiring of the other person or warning the other person, really, to think and to act, to make decisions the way that person makes them. And that's impossible because there's a book called His Brain, Her Brain. We’re wired differently in every facet. Women and men are different. That sounds trite, but it is a truth.   So what I attempt to do is to help through various tools, help couples really see how God has wired them so they can understand. Again, this took now what I can give to couples, maybe in four or five sessions, it took me half of my marriage to learn, 45 years to learn it myself. But once you come to understand, one, that you're different, and two, you learn to appreciate those differences. That's when you're on a good road to healing, a good road in terms of understanding how to work with each other in unity and in harmony. So I'll stop there, but communication is at the top.   Dana Che: All right. So let's talk a little bit about you said.  It took you, like, 20-25 years to learn. So what was going on with you and Wanda? What were the communication challenges that you were seeing in your earlier years of marriage?   Kevin: Well, in our earlier years of marriage, I came in with some unusual baggage. I was very religious, sincere in my passion for God, loved not only God, but loved the church. So much so that I did one thing. I'll tell you this quick story. When I we were married for five years, four years before we had our first child, five years before we had our first child. And I had developed this regiment. On Friday nights, I go to church. I come home, work all day, one that works all day, become home, and I go to church because I was a musician. So at 06:00, I need to rehearse the choir, and then following that was a church service at around 08:00, so I wouldn't get home to about nine or 10:00 that night. Okay. So when we had Kevin, I picked Wanda up. It was a Friday that she came home. We came in the house and I said, okay, sweetheart, you got everything. And guess what I did.   Dana Che: You went to church after your new baby had just been born?   Kevin: It took some time for me to live that way down, but that was an issue that was out of total ignorance, and it really sent a really bad message to her, to where she felt, okay, this is the way my life is going to be. I got to find a way I'll stay long enough to get things stable for my son, but I don't know if I could stand this relationship.   I didn't have a clue, the message that I was sending. And at that time, Wanda wasn't a big talker. She was just saying, well, if this is his life . . . she’s not that type that's going to intrude. If that's who you are and that's what you want, I'm not going to interfere. So she didn't communicate that, but I picked it up, and there's some more to the story. But that's when I really began to kind of understand that, no, I need to learn some things. I need to mature and need to allow her to be who she is. And not try to make her who I think she should be based upon some idealistic, religious, spiritual ideology.   Married with a Spiritual Imbalance Dana Che: Yes. That is so good that you're talking about that, because I do think a lot of Christian couples are dealing with that, where you'll have kind of this imbalance in spirituality and one spouse. I mean, I was this way where I would do the whole shaming Shaun because he didn't want to go to church and trying to make him go to all the meetings and stuff that I wanted to go to and doing the whole blame and shame game. So I think that there's always that tendency because like you said, our intentions are good, but the way that we present it, it really just pushes the other spouse in the opposite direction. WATCH MY VIDEO: WHEN YOUR HUSBAND DOESN'T LEAD SPIRITUALLY Kevin: It is absolutely right. That was, for me, one of the things that I did that I learned later as I matured, that boy did that damage the relationship early on that needed some time to heal, and I had to prove it was more than words, really. You count and I really respect you. I had to demonstrate that and prove that.   Dana Che: So, Wanda, you weren't much of a talker in those early years. Was it just kind of this idea that he's going to do what he wants to do anyway, there's no need or was there something else going on inside of you that you didn't communicate, like what this was really doing to you?   Wanda: First of all, my personality is I'm an internal processor. I don't process outwardly. And also, I wasn't trying to compete with God. Now, when Kevin I'm going to go back a little bit. When we first started dating, he wasn't really well, he was involved in church, don't get me wrong, but I very much was at the top of his list. And then we get married and people say this all the time. You find out who the real person is when you get married. And I always say men like to hunt. They like to do all they can to get the prey. And then when they have the pray, they're like, okay, so I can go back to my regular life. So this part of Kevin's life, I really did not know how in depth he was or connected he was to the church.  What Most Black Fathers Want for Their Daughters My dad raised three girls. So I had a mom and dad all my life. I don't know anything without a mom and dad. And my dad raised three girls. And his philosophy was, I don't know that you're going to get married. I hope that you find someone special, but if not, I'm going to make sure you know how to survive. So survival, I felt like, wasn't going to be that hard for me because I kind of knew how to do it. But it was important because I already had my son, that he was connected to Kevin, even though I wasn't really connected to Kevin. So I said, well, I'll stay long enough so that I don't destroy my son. I want that bond to be there between he and his dad. And I'm not going to compete with God. If God is number one in your life, then fine. And we are at the bottom. That's where we were going to stand. So I wasn't going to try to compete with God, but I realized later it wasn't per se God. It was the religious environment that we were in.     Wanda: Dana, I want to say this. I think most people plan for the wedding, but they don't plan for the marriage. And it's very difficult. You're taking two different, totally different personalities and trying to bring them in along with your family dynamics. And we have a great relationship with both sides of our family, which I know a lot of people don't have, but we do have that. We were raised similar as far as morals and your love for your family, but the difference was the religion. Church was a part of our life, but it wasn't everything in our life.   Dana Che: Wanda, you said two things that I think are and correct me if I'm wrong or if you have a different perspective, but two things I think that might be kind of unique to black culture. One, you said that your dad raised you to basically survive. He was like, I'm going to raise these girls up to be able to take care of themselves so they're not dependent upon a man. And I find that that is something that is unique to our culture, whether you're being raised by a single mom. I was raised by a single mom for the majority of my childhood, and that was my mom's purpose. It's like, you need to be able to take care of yourself. You need to be able to be independent. And not to say that our other cultures don't teach their kids that, but I do think that there is something very unique about black culture that we want to make sure our kids are going to be all right.    They're not going to be dependent upon anybody. And then the second thing that you said that I thought was really impactful you were talking about just kind of how you grew up and the fact that both of you guys have both of your parents. And I love that because I feel like a lot of the stereotype about blacks is that all black people grew up in single parent homes, and no black people grew up with their fathers. And both of you are living witnesses of the opposite, that you both did grow up in families that were intact, not perfect, I'm sure, but impact families. Black Families: Legacy Leavers Wanda: Right. And we even grew up with our grandparents being married, so there was never divorce. I didn't see divorce until I got older and some family members that just didn't make it. But as far as my family and our grandparents, we always saw marriage. So that probably also Dana was a benefit to our marriage, because you just don't leave. I'm sure had some tough times, but you just don't leave. You work it out. Now, there are some things that it's harder to get over than others, but you work it out and you stick it out until hopefully it does work out and your marriage makes it. And we can say for both our parents, they have wonderful marriages, though. My dad died two years ago. 63 years for my parents and 72 years for Kevin's parents.   Dana Che: Wow.   Kevin: We saw strong marriages. Not perfect, but they modeled, particularly later in life. My dad is 92 and waits on my mom hand and foot, but my mother waits on him, too. So there's that reciprocal relationship, and now it's sweeter than ever. God has blessed us with tremendous role models of what a marriage is.   Dana Che: You know, I came across a quote that said, black love is revolutionary. And I've been, like, marinating on that quote. And then one of my friends said it to me not too long ago, and she's a single girl, and she's like, I'm not going to settle. I'm not going to settle for just anybody. So I asked her, and I've been asking different people, like, what does that mean to you? Black love is revolutionary. So I want to ask you guys, what do you think about that quote? Do you agree? And if so, what does that mean to you?   To hear the rest of the conversation, be sure to listen to the full episode of the podcast!      Links Mentioned in this Episode Grab Your Free 7 Secrets to a Happy Marriage Resource Learn more about the Life Enrichment Center  Listen to 5 Ways to C.O.V.E.R Your Marriage in Prayer    SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

From DUI & Deception to Deliverance (Black Love) - with Shaun Williams My hubby Shaun is back with today! We spill the tea on how we met, our tumultuous dating, including a tragic car accident & DUI, the ups and downs of getting pregnant and married at a young age to where we are today.  Whew! The first real situation we experienced together was at Shaun’s senior prom. I left with one of my guy friends and Shaun, in a drunken rage, followed and ended up in a car accident. One of the lowest moments in my teenage years was this night. Shaun totaled his car and went to jail. After the accident, we didn’t see each other because my mom wouldn’t allow me to see him. Shaun lost his football scholarship, experienced depression, and was shipped off to boot camp.   Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Once Shaun decided it was time for change, he left for boot camp. He really felt that this experience helped grow him into a man. He would write several letters to me as he was away, but I was never the long distance type. After many months of being away, Shaun returned from boot camp and ended up running into my mom and me at the mall. Shaun said he was getting married (which was a lie), but once I got ahold of this news, I knew I couldn’t let this happen. We slowly rekindled our relationship and got back together.   Surprise Visitor It was time for me to go off to college and Shaun decided to join me. One month into college, we got a big surprise. I was pregnant. This news completely changed the trajectory of our lives. I knew that it wasn't possible for me to raise a child in a dorm room, so I knew I had to drop out and leave college. Since our church taught us that we must get married because we’d had a child out of wedlock, we married at 18 and 21. Ahem, not advisable.    Early Marriage Infidelity Shaun and I experienced so many struggles when it came to being new parents and newlyweds. We suffered from infidelity on both sides and experienced a really tough relationship in the earlier years. It got so bad that I didn't think that I would be able to continue on with this marriage. It was extremely challenging trying to build a family foundation when nothing in our life felt stable. We both knew something had to give. It was time for us to both start working on ourselves, creating a relationship with God and healing things that held us back from being all we knew we could be.   ALSO LISTEN TO: Rebuilding Trust: Rebuilding Us: Our Journey Out of Infidelity    Turning Shadows to Light We both knew that there was healing needed in order to allow our relationship to survive. I got my relationship with the Lord back on track, and my life completely changed. Shaun got therapy and started realizing who he actually was. We both started healing from things that caused us pain in the past.  It sounds super simple, but it’s true: this healing really allowed us to come together and create the family that we have today. Through God's love, grace, and guidance, we were able to not only survive our marriage but thrive in our marriage. Our journey from DUI, deception, near-divorce, and doubt has led us to sharing our testimony with as many people as we can. We are a living witness that if God can do it for us, he can do it for you too . . . if you’re willing to surrender, forgive, repent, and let him make you new. Listen to the full episode and share with someone who can use some encouragement in their marriage today.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Learn the 7 Secrets to a Healthy Marriage  Teen Pregnancy, Parenting, & Talking to Your Kids About Sex  How to Get Your Spouse to Go to Marriage Coaching    SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

5 Ways to C.O.V.E.R. Your Marriage in Prayer One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to pray for your marriage. Learning communication skills, conflict resolution techniques and intimacy hacks are great. However, if you’re leaving your marriage uncovered by failing to pray for your spouse and your marriage, it will always be vulnerable to attacks. Prayer is an essential guiding tool to get you and your spouse on the same page and create unity in your marriage.  In today’s episode I am sharing with you about my acronym C.O.V.E.R. which teaches you how to specifically pray for your marriage.    Pray with Compassion I believe that when we are praying for our spouses, we need to start with compassion. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God has forgiven you.” Think about that for a moment. How are you treating your spouse? Are you treating him/her with kindness and compassion, or are you holding grudges? Are you being kind? The first thing to remember when you go to pray for your marriage is to go to God with a heart of compassion and love.   Pray in Oneness Marriage is all about becoming one. The goal of marriage is not simply to become happy; the purpose of marriage is that you and your spouse become one. Did you know your marriage is a living witness of the realness of who Jesus is? Pray for your marriage that you and your spouse will walk in oneness. Get on the same page as your spouse and become unified. Let go of the idea that you need to “win the fight” or get your point across or have your own way. Start embracing the journey of becoming one with your spouse.   Pray with Vigor When you pray for your marriage, let your prayers be vigorous. Your prayers should be full of effort, energy, and enthusiasm. Isaiah 40:29 says “He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.” God gives strength to the weary. He is the one who gives us power and energy to put in the effort. When you put in the love, commitment, and vigor into your marriage, God will deliver.    Pray with Expectation I am always talking about praying with expectation. It’s time we all start to pray with expectation, not just hope for the best. When we go to the Lord, we go with a heart of expectation. God hears you when you pray and is willing to make moves on your behalf. When we go to God, we pray to God expecting that he will deliver. It’s important to pray for your marriage with with a heart of expectation and also to have faith in the answer to that prayer. Start praying for victory from a place of victory. When you pray, believe what you are praying for and watch God make himself known in the most magnificent ways.    Pray with Readiness  Are you ready to obey what you hear? Prayer is a dialogue. First you pray, then you get quiet and listen to hear what God has to say back to you. Sometimes you may not like what God has to say in return.  You have to be ready for the Spirit of the Lord to give you guidance that you may not want to hear. When you pray for your marriage, really listen in order to get direction. When you pray for your marriage, be ready to take action. Luke 11:28 says, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.” If you want God to speak to you, then you need to be ready to obey.  Listen to the full episode to hear some specific areas I recommend that you pray for in your marriage. There is no prescribed way to pray. Simply pray from your heart and then listen to what God speaks back to you. Prayer is powerful! Now it’s time for you to get to praying.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Download your 7 Things Free Resource Today   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

What to Do When Your Marriage or Vision Dies What happens when your marriage or your vision dies? What are you to do when the dream you had for your marriage seems like it has come to the end? As a married couple, you may find yourself at this difficult stage, but I believe even then, there is an opportunity to save your marriage. Today, we're going to church! Sort of, anyway. This episode was inspired by a story in the Bible in Luke chapter 8:41- 56 about a man who thought he lost a very important thing to him . . . something that looked like it, too, had died. Friends, I want you to know that the pain and suffering you may be going through right now is not the end of your story.   Do Not Be Afraid: Have Faith over Fear When hard times come, fear gets louder. When our marriages don’t go as expected, we allow fear to creep in and overwhelm our emotions. This fear will not help to repair the problems. Don’t be afraid of what’s on the other side. Oftentimes, when conflict and issues arise in marriage, the first thing we want to do is run. We start going down the rabbit hole of what life could look like if our marriage does truly fail. That thought process doesn’t help anything. Don’t be fearful of what could go wrong. Stand in faith, remembering the marriage and strength you’ve created thus far. Fear will try to creep in. Fear can exist, but it’s the conscious decision to choose to walk in faith in spite of fear. The Bible says we must walk in faith, but what does it mean to have faith? Faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of thing yet unseen (Hebrews 11:1). When you have faith in God and his plan, you can believe strongly that it will work out. When you are in those moments of fear overcoming every thought, return to God. Ask him for the strength you may need to believe in the plan that he has for you.   Words Have Power What are you declaring in your marriage? So often we speak negatively about our lives and our marriage, resulting in those things coming to life; resulting in the death of our marriage vision. Words matter, friends. When we speak limiting beliefs out loud, that is what we will see in our life. The power of the tongue can proclaim the vision in your life. Words create worlds. Think about how you are speaking and how it has affected your life. Are you going around saying positive or negative things about your marriage? My hope for you is that you can declare what you want for your marriage. Speak in the direction that you would like to see for your own marriage. After speaking what we want, it’s important to take on full faith that the declaration spoken will come to life.    Get People Out of Your Business Are there people who could be bringing your marriage down? There could be outside opinions that are constantly telling you how to conduct your marriage. These outside opinions typically aren’t helping, and they could even be hurting. Turn off social media and stop comparing your relationship to other people's relationships. Quiet the noise that you are hearing from people outside of the marriage. It’s time to come together as a team and figure out the issues alone without being impacted by other people’s thoughts.   Marriage Vision Dead Just Temporary Pain?  Your marriage vision might not be dead after all, but rather just going through a temporarily painful time. It may feel like it’s permanent but really it’s temporary. This too shall pass. When you have faith, you can trust that God has the power to resurrect even the deadest of marriages. Do not give up on the thing that you have worked so hard for.  Have faith and believe in your marriage again. You can heal and come out stronger from the trials you are experiencing. This doesn’t have to be the end for you.    Links Mentioned in this Episode Thrive Wives Group Coaching 7 Secrets to a Healthy Marriage Free Resource   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

When Your Marriage Vision Gets Blurry January is the time where we focus on the vision for our marriages, relationships, and lives. If we are not intentional with our marriage vision, we will experience vision loss in marriage. In today’s episode I talk about how it may be time for us to take a deep look inside of our vision statement to see if we are really practicing what we are believing for.   Do You Have a Vision? The first thing to look at is if you have a vision for your marriage. If not, refer back to the episode 126: How to Create a Vision for Your Marriage: My Step-by-Step Process.  Having a vision is so important to understand where you're at, where you're going, and where you want to be. It may seem like common sense, but you could be experiencing vision loss in your marriage by simply not having a vision. Be sure to listen to this hilarious story around the 22:30 mark!   Prioritize Your Marriage It’s important to stop and really take a look at what is important in your marriage. Where is the place in the relationship that you think needs more nurturing? When we pause, analyze and figure out what is most important in our marriage, it allows us to really prioritize the things we want and need the most. Take a look at your vision with your partner. Understand where you are, where you want to go, and what is most important right now. Vision loss in marriage can happen if both people are not focused on what is most important.   Marriage Goals & Alignment It’s time you and your spouse get very clear on what your goals are together. Both partners in the relationship should be on the same page when it comes to the marriage vision. If this is not happening, vision loss in marriage can start. Come together, agree on the things you both want, and create a plan of action. Make sure that there aren’t competing visions that could make you work against each other. This is what unity in marriage is all about. When you become aligned in your marriage vision, you will see your marriage strengthen.    Tweak & Set New Goals Your marriage vision may need to be tweaked from time to time. Maybe there were situational changes that no longer align with your original goals and vision. It’s okay to change aspects in your vision. Like most things in life, sometimes we need fine tuning to get it just right.  Maybe you and your spouse are high achievers and you are ready to work on something new. Creating new goals in marriage is a way to get clearer on your vision as a couple. Perhaps you’ve started to feel stagnant, leading to vision loss in your marriage. Get a fresh perspective and set some new goals together that you can achieve. Sometimes all we need is something fresh and new to get us going again.   Drastic Measures May Be Needed Course correction may be needed if you feel like you are turning your wheels in the mud. Feeling stuck in your marriage calls for drastic measures. Sometimes couples may need a vision correction. I share a similar example of how I took drastic measures with my physical vision when my health become jeopardized.  It’s possible that some things may have changed when you created your original vision. Change is okay, as long as it works for both people in the relationship. Evaluate your vision, acknowledging where it’s gotten blurry, and decide on a course of action to focus on your marriage vision again.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Thrive Wives Group Coaching Starts Soon!   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How to Create a Vision for Your Marriage - My Step by Step Process So you're convinced you need a vision for your marriage, but what is the step-by-step process to actually creating a vision for your marriage that both you and spouse can grasp? Get ready to nurture and grow your marriage into the one you’ve always desired. Let 2023 be the year you begin creating a marriage vision. I go through this exercise with every one of my coaching clients because of how transformative it is. This is hands down, one of my most favorite topics because of how valuable this exercise can be in your marriage. In today’s episode I teach you how to create a vision in your marriage and how to live by it.    Remove Distractions Step one to begin creating a vision in your marriage is to get in a quiet space and remove distractions. If possible, I recommend going away for a day or two to get some focused alone time together. This will allow each of you to be removed from everyday distractions and settle into the exercise of creating your marriage vision. If that’s not possible, get some quite focused time together right where you are. This can be done in a coffee shop, a long drive, a walk around your neighborhood, or even in your undistracted bedroom. This time is about being focused together to create the vision.    Pray Together as a Couple There are so many benefits of praying together as a couple. When you pray, you invite God into the decision making process of your life. Step two of creating a vision in your marriage is to pray. This is time for you and your spouse to come together and ask God where you need to head in the next year. Allow him to lead you and show you his vision for your life. When you invite God into this time, he will help provide the answers for the direction you and your spouse should go in your vision.   Write the Vision, Make it Plain When you write something down, your brain tends to remember that thing more than if you just think about it. Step three is writing down every word that comes to mind when you think of the marriage you desire to have . Both husband and wife will start by writing down positive words about your marriage. This list should be exhaustive and helpful in creating a vision for your marriage because it gets all the ideas on paper. In writing these words, you will start to think about how you would like to shape your marriage in a more positive way. This is the part in the process where each partner can freely write whatever they desire in the marriage. Together, you should have around 25-30 words written down.    Highlight What Resonates After you write down the words, you will circle or highlight the words that resonate with you and your partner the most. Step four is taking the words that you and your partner felt most connected to and bring them to life. You will then use these words to create short phrases for creating a vision in your marriage. Use the words to come up with a few solid sentences that could be used as your marriage vision statement.   Write Your Marriage Vision Statement Once you have some phrases identified, begin to start forming some sentences. These sentences should be coming from language that you and your partner already use. You really want to embrace authenticity when it comes to creating your marriage vision. Remember, this is your vision statement together! Both husband and wife need to participate equally to feel heard and be excited about this. This is your future after all. Give yourself some time to go through this exercise. This may take a few iterations to get your vision statement to a good place, but it’s worth the time. Repeat Your Vision Out Loud The time has come for you and your partner to rehearse the vision statement out loud. Memorize this special sacred statement that you can return back to each day together. Each person must memorize the vision statement and continue to keep this vision in the forefront of their mind. Together as you rehearse, you will remember the importance of creating a vision in your marriage.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Episode 125: Why You Need a Vision for Your Marriage with Gaby Sundra Real Relationship Talk   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.