Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

Trust and Accountability in Marriage How many times you have thought, I need to keep my husband accountable or somebody needs to keep me accountable and help me to stop eating Ben and Jerry's at 10:30 at night. When we look at accountability in that way, we are completely missing the foundational truth of what accountability is all about. The definition of accountability is acceptance of responsibility for one's own actions or behaviors. Did you guys catch that? Some of you need to let that sink in. It's accepting responsibility for our own actions, our own behaviors, and our own thoughts. When we think about accountability being external, or being directed at somebody else, we have already started to infringe on somebody else's boundaries, and we are trying to manage that person's behavior.   In today’s episode we talk about how accountability should show up in your marriage or in your relationship and then how we can, first of all, keep ourselves accountable. If you're not willing to be accountable to yourself, chances are pretty slim that you're actually going to be accountable to somebody else. So how can you actually become accountable for your actions? And then if you are in a marriage or relationship, how then can you help to support your partner in helping them to be accountable?   4-Step Process to Accountability in Marriage   FocusU.com is a website that's dedicated to providing impactful and engaging learning methods. It's really more of a business website, but I love a lot of the knowledge that they provide and find it’s helpful for relationships too. According to them, they actually have a four-step process to accountability.   Step 1: See it Step 2: Own it Step 3: Solve it Step 4: Do it   You have to muster the courage to see it. To see what? To see whatever the behavior is, whatever the action is that you need to be accountable for. It takes courage to be honest. It takes courage to really look inside of ourselves and to say, you know what, maybe I'm not strong in this area or maybe I'm not as strong in this area as I think I am or as I hope to be. That takes courage and it takes humility to do that.   Next, we have to own it. Find it in your heart to own it. When I think about this, the word vulnerability comes to mind. Vulnerability goes a little beyond transparency; it takes it a step further where not only are you able to see me, not only am I showing you the truth of who I am, but I'm also willing to show you my heart, my internal motivations of why I do the things that I do. Not just looking at what I do, but why I do the things that I do. And so when we own it, then we have to be willing to be honest with ourselves, to deny our pride, and to be humble. We have to be willing to apologize for mistakes that we've made. That's all a part of owning it.    Thirdly, solve it. Obtain the wisdom to solve it. What does this mean? Put those boundaries in place if need be. It's super important that we understand how to set boundaries in marriage. Another part of solving it is getting the wisdom to solve the problem. Get coaching, get help, get an outside perspective. Read your Bible; just do something, and find solutions to solve the problems that you are facing.    Lastly, number four, do it. Exercise the means to do it. What does that mean? That means commit. Commit to doing the heart work. Commit to following through on your commitments. Okay, so now that you've gone through the steps, you've got the courage to see it, you've got the heart to own it. You're seeking out wisdom to solve it. Now you've got to commit to doing it.   Holding Your Spouse Accountable A part of accountability in marriage is sometimes helping to hold your spouse accountable. Some of these areas include decisions, finances, sexuality, and technology. The truth is, you can’t “hold your spouse accountable” if they won’t allow you to. If they are open to accountability, you must be willing to offer feedback (positive and negative) and follow through on appropriate consequences.    I hope this episode helps you to take your marriages to the next level, to begin to incorporate accountability as a welcome visitor, not like an expired tenant, in your relationship. Because without true accountability, there can truly be no trust. Accountability helps your partner, your spouse, to trust you. It helps you to be a trustworthy person. So embrace accountability and all of its facets in your marriage.   Resources Mentioned in this Episode Episode 48: Setting Realistic Expectations in Marriage Episode 49: Setting Boundaries in Marriage Wife Life Coaching Mastermind Follow Real Relationship Talk and Dana Che on Instagram!   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

10 Signs Your Spouse Might Be Having an Affair Do you have a gut-wrenching feeling that your partner is being unfaithful to you? In today's episode, I'm sharing some not so obvious signs that your spouse might be having an affair. How do you know if something is really going on or if you're just being overly suspicious? There are many tell-tale signs that will help you to determine if your marriage or relationship has become vulnerable or even victim to infidelity.  Don't Ignore the Red Flags It's important to not ignore the red flags. You know when something's off in your relationship, so instead of excusing it, deal with it. After you hear these ten warning signs, it may be difficult to have the hard conversation you need to have, but you must. Infidelity does not just go away on its own. Even if you never find out, the damage done to your relationship must eventually be addressed.  There's an old saying that says, "When you see the world through rose-colored glasses, even the red flags just look like flags." In other words, when we choose to have our head in the sand instead of being aware and wise, we will overlook obvious warning signs. 5 Tell-Tale Signs Your Partner is Being Unfaithful  Because you will glean so much more out of these warning signs when you listen to the full podcast, I'm only sharing five of the ten here in the show notes. In no particular order, five warning signs your partner or spouse is being unfaithful are as follows:  Money goes missing and/or they begin using ATMs all of the sudden  There is a lack of friendship, interest, or connection in your relationship Your partner becomes accusatory of your actions  They become obsessed with their looks  They start staying out late or taking extra “work trips” The other five signs are very eye-opening, so be sure to listen to the episode in its entirety.  I want to leave you with this: I truly believe that every relationship has the potential to heal from infidelity. You don't "have" to stay or reconcile, and there are time when you shouldn't. However, if you want to restore your marriage and are both willing to put in the work, it can work.    Links Mentioned in this Episode Episode 102: 12 Steps to Rebuilding Trust in Your Relationship When to Divorce Sign up for Wife Life   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

4 Steps to H.E.A.L After a Broken Heart Has your heart been broken due to a painful relationship or have you had your trust violated? Most of us have been through this unfortunate situation at some time or another. It's never easy mending a broken heart, but it is always possible. In today's episode, I'm sharing four ways to heal your broken heart using my acronym: H.E.A.L. These four steps are simple but, I'll admit, not easy.  It's important to put to rest the myths concerning healing your broken heart if you are going to experience true and complete healing. You've heard the feel-good mantras like, "Time heals all wounds," or "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." While there may some truth to these, they don't give us the full picture.  Time is a good accelerator to healing but it doesn't actually heal you. Listen in as I describe how to actually begin and complete the healing process for your heart, whether you've been betrayed by a spouse, a loved one, a friend, or someone else. These principles apply to all situations.  And be sure to share this episode with someone who needs their heart to be healed too.  Links Mentioned in this Episode Episode 13: The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships Episode 102: 12 Steps to Rebuilding Trust in Your Relationship   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

12 Steps to Rebuild Trust in Your Relationship Did you know that 1 in 4 marriages will experience infidelity? The good news is half of these marriages will survive it. Today, I'm giving you 12 steps to rebuild trust in your marriage or relationship. This is one episode you will want to refer back to should you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of affair recovery.  I truly believe that all is not lost when someone commits adultery. Your marriage or relationship can survive this, but you need an action plan in order to succeed.  You Need a Plan  You've heard the saying: "Most people don't plan to fail; they fail to plan." Well, that's exactly how affairs happen and that's also how couples whose attempts to rebuilding after an affair go sideways. Again, you need a plan of action.  Shaun and I know this path well. We've had to walk it out in our own lives. You can learn all about our journey of rebuilding our marriage after infidelity on Episode 3: Rebuilding Trust, Rebuilding Our Marriage.  All is not lost in your marriage, and I believe that you truly can rebuild trust after an affair. Now, let me show you how.   Other Links Mentioned in this Episode: Episode 88: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Relationships Episode 79: It Will Work If You Work It   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How to Love Your Spouse When You Don't Like Your Spouse Many couples go through a stage in their marriage or relationship where they don't like each other. You know you should love your spouse, but if you're honest, there are times when you don’t even like them. This episode speaks to that dilemma and will give you some practical steps to take to rekindle the likability in your relationship. If we are ever going to grow into mature husbands and wives, we must first settle on the fact that love is not a feeling. Sure, you can "feel" loving feelings, but love is so much more than that. I learned this the hard way. Due to the marriage problems Shaun and I had for so long, I had started to become hopeless, thinking there was no way I could ever look at him lovingly again. I didn’t like him. I was often angry. I had been hurt too much. The Most Dangerous Prayer I remember back when we'd been married for around five years, I prayed a dangerous prayer: “Lord, teach me to love my husband like you do. Give me unconditional love.” I think that’s when the bottom fell out. I could not have imagined the trials we would encounter or the way God would take me up on my little prayer and teach me how to love . . . His way. God’s love is radical. It’s illogical. And we are so undeserving of it. He shows us this crazy, radical love and then asks us to show it to our spouse. And yes, you can do this even if you don’t like your spouse. I John 4:19 tells us that, "We love because he first loved us." When you realize the Source of true love, it becomes easier to love.  In order for God to teach you how to love unconditionally, he has to show you people in their full humanity. #TweetThat. RECONNECTION IS THE KEY TO LOVING YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN In order to learn to like your spouse again, you are going to have to be intentional to find ways to reconnect. So many marriages are in habitual disconnection, caught in the hustle and bustle of life or trapped by past mistakes and unforgiveness. For more on unforgiveness, check out Episode 13: The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships.  You can learn to like your spouse even if you don’t like him. A resource that might help you to do this is Keep Your Love On by author Danny Silk. Shaun and I took our marriage small group through this book over the course of a year, and it was super beneficial. Don't turn your love off! You can learn to love AND like your spouse again.  If you need more help walking through this, why not schedule a discovery call with me at http://danache.com/coaching. It might be the first intentional step toward a revived relationship for you!   Other Links Mentioned During this Episode: Episode 12: How to Stop Comparing Within Your Marriage or Relationship Episode 14: How these Hidden Fears Are Ruining Your Relationship   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How to Get Your Spouse to Go to Marriage Counseling  Why is your spouse so resistant to marriage counseling and what can you do to get him/her to go with you? I’m sharing 7ish relationship tips on today’s episode that you can do today to help your spouse or partner to be more interested in marriage counseling or coaching. Now, off the bat, there is a difference between counseling and coaching, which I share about in the show. You can also see some of the differences between coaching and counseling here.    For many years, I tried, unsuccessfully, to get my husband to go to marriage counseling. The more I tried, the more Shaun resisted. So I upped the ante and moved to manipulation and shame. Those two always work, right? Um, wrong. The brother would not budge. I learned some very valuable lessons during that time in our marriage and to keep you from having to go through years of unnecessary trauma and drama, I’m sharing them with you today.    7 or 8 Tips to Get Your Partner to Go to Counseling  Decide if counseling is really necessary.  Encourage, don’t demand.  Have the right motives (Beware of ulterior motives.)  Don’t shame, blame, or compare.  Work on yourself.  Be careful what you wish for.  Trust God and pray for a changed heart (yours included). Bonus: Don’t stay in counseling or coaching too long.   Don’t just read the bullet points, though. Be sure to listen to the entire episode. I think this one is going to be a game changer for your relationship!    Also, friends, WE ARE CELEBRATING OUR 100TH EPISODE TODAY!! Would you help me celebrate by writing a review on the podcast? It takes  less than one minute.   Thanks for listening. See you next week!    Links Mentioned in this Episode Episode 12: How to Stop Comparing Within Your Marriage  Episode 98: The Difference Between Nagging & Reminding  Join an amazing community of wives in our next Wife Life cohort!   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How to Stay Connected When You're Apart - with Shaun Williams In the lifespan of a marriage, you are likely to spend time apart, whether temporarily or more long-term. Today, we're discussing some creative ways to stay connected even when you're unable to be face-to-face. This episode was actually Shaun's idea, likely because we have spent a lot of time apart lately due to various business and work trips.  We all know how easy it is to lose connection in marriage. Well, prolonged distance makes it even worse. That's why it's important to be proactive and diligent when you know that one or both of you will be away.  Shaun and I discuss several times when we've been apart . . . from just a few weeks and even up to a year when he was away on military leave. We haven't always gotten it right, and each time we're apart, we learn more and more of what each other needs and ways we can help ensure the other spouse feels secure and important.  I'm sharing some creative practices you can do the next time you or your spouse/partner takes a trip. So, grab a pen or better yet, save this podcast to refer back to. Happy listening!    Links Mentioned in this Episode Episode 30: Commuter Marriages with Abe & Elaine Romero from Love in the Air Podcast   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

My Partner Says I Nag: The Difference Between Nagging & Reminding  No one likes being called a nag. Truthfully, we're just trying to help our spouse/partner anyway, right? Just how do you tell the difference between nagging and reminding? I'm giving you six simple tips to stop nagging your spouse on today's episode.  But first, did you know the Bible actually has something to say on this topic? Proverbs 27:15 says, "An endless dripping on a rainy day and a nagging wife are alike (CSB). The Brenton Septuagint Translation puts it like this: On a stormy day drops of rain drive a man out of his house; so also does a railing woman drive a man out of his own house. Dang.  Basically, nagging drives our spouses crazy! It's ineffective communication that can actually cause resentment.  How to Stop Nagging  There are better ways to ask and even remind your spouse to do something you need. And speaking of reminding, don't do it more than twice. Here are some tips:  1. Ask, don't tell.  2. Be patient. Timing is everything.  3. Make it their decision. (We talked about this on episode 95: How to Get Anything You Want from Your Spouse 4. Use humor.  5. Use a (shared) calendar. 6. Do it yourself. Number six will change your life. Oh, the freedom of learning that you are not at the mercy of your spouse's slowness!  If you find yourself nagging, which of these tips can you employ? Enjoy the podcast! And leave a positive review!    Links Mentioned in this Episode Join an amazing community of wives in our next Wife Life cohort!   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Quick Tips to Fix Your Boring Marriage - Part 2 Friends, every marriage gets boring sometimes but it shouldn't stay that way. On today's show, I'm sharing some simple solutions to get your marriage out of a boring rut.  If you haven't yet listened to episode 96 (I'm Married and Bored to Death!), you'll want to do so before listening today, as we're building on a foundation here. With all due respect, some of what you'll hear today might step on your toes a bit. I'm inviting you into some introspection and perhaps, even, a perspective shift.  One thing we have to be careful about doing when assessing the state of our marriages is comparing them to someone else's marriage. It's easy to see the highlight reels of everyone and think we're missing out or we're stuck, when in all actuality, that might not be the case at all.  So take a listen and let me know what other tips you'd share with someone who is dealing with a boring marriage.    Links Mentioned in this Episode Episode 12: How to Stop Comparing Within Your Marriage  Request marriage coaching with Dana Che   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

I'm Married and Bored to Death! If you've been married longer than a week, you know that sometimes marriage can be boring. But, boredom in marriage should only be temporary. In today's episode, I'm shedding light on why marriages grow stale and what's behind the perception that our marriages have gotten boring.  For starters, let me say there is a difference between love and the feeling of being in love. If you're chasing "those loving feelings," you will make yourself susceptible to being bored in your marriage. JLo, one of my favorite celebs, has been quoted as saying she "loves the feeling of being in love." Think about that. If someone is looking to "be in love," what happens when the feelings die down? Boredom. It's no wonder why we have a generation of people unsuccessfully "searching for love."  Today is part one of a two-part series I'm doing on this topic, because there are some key practices you can do to help alleviate boredom in your marriage. So, be sure to tune in for those marriage tips next week.  In the meantime, enjoy today's show as we talk about a topic many married folks will not admit, but likely all have experienced.  Ladies, check out my upcoming Wife Life group coaching mastermind launching in the fall!   Links Mentioned in this Episode Episode 79: It Will Work if You Work It Episode 80: Feelings aren't Forever Register for the Wife Life Group Coaching Mastermind   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.    Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.