Real Relationship Talk:  Conversations About Communication, Intimacy, & Rebuilding Trust
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Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage

April 18, 2023
00:00 36:17
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Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage 

 In this episode, we discuss the unrealistic expectations that people have in their marriages. You should have expectations in relationships, but it is important to learn how to manage and overcome unrealistic expectations. You've likely heard, "No expectations, no disappointments," but I think that's a terrible way to live in a marriage. What are your expectations? What are you looking for?  We will explore where these expectations come from and whether they are realistic or not. Also, we'll talk about the importance of communicating your expectations to your partner.

Unrealistic vs Reasonable Expectations

We'll start by discussing the difference between unrealistic and reasonable expectations. Often, people have expectations that are unrealistic, and that leads to disappointment and frustration. For example, expecting your spouse to be your best friend or provide a beautiful home may be reasonable but is it a realistic expectation for him/her? It's important to examine where these expectations come from and whether they are truly important to you or not.

Where Do Expectations Come From?

Next, we'll explore where these expectations come from. Expectations can come from a variety of sources such as family of origin, religious beliefs, media, culture, personal desires, and other people's expectations. We'll take a closer look at the expectations that are rooted in religious beliefs or cultural norms and whether they are realistic or not. Again, what might be realistic for one spouse may be unrealistic for another.

ALSO LISTEN TO: Setting Realistic Expectations in Your Marriage

Communicating Your Expectations

In this segment, we'll discuss the importance of communicating your expectations to your spouse. Often, people have unspoken expectations, assuming their partner should know what they want. However, unspoken expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration. I'll provide some tips on how to effectively communicate your expectations and ensure that both partners are on the same page.

5 Common Unrealistic Expectations

I share about five unrealistic expectations that people often have in their marriages. These include expecting your spouse not to change, thinking you can change your spouse, expecting your spouse to make you happy, assuming your spouse should know what you're thinking, and expecting your spouse to be like you. How can spouses overcome these unrealistic expectations in their marriage? We'll discuss why these expectations are unrealistic and how to reframe them to create more realistic expectations.

Finally, I share several solutions to overcoming unrealistic expectation in your marriage and how your marriage can benefit from proper communication, Remember, unspoken expectations can lead to unmet desires, which leads to unnecessary disappointment. 

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

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Meet Your Host
Meet Your Host
Dana Che is the founder of Thrive Relationships, where she serves as a marriage and relationship coach and host of the Real Relationship Talk podcast. She also serves as a pastor at her church. Whether in the church or on her podcast, Dana's mission is singular: to help people thrive in their relationships with the Lord and with each other.

On Real Relationship Talk, she is known for her graceful candor, humor, and her encouraging yet challenging advice. Dana holds a B.A. in communication from Regent University. She has a fierce passion for fashion and is a lover of all things sparkly. She shares her life with Shaun, her loving husband of twenty-three years, their four amazing children, and their “multi-cultural” dog in beautiful Virginia Beach, VA.

Connect with Dana:
Instagram: @mrsdanache
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