What to Do When You Think, This Isn’t the Story I Wanted with Nicole Langman
What do you do when you’re grieving, but no one has died? Maybe it’s the loss of a marriage, a relationship, a dream for your child, your health, or simply the life you thought you’d have. In this conversation with therapist, speaker, and author Nicole Langman, we talk about how to recognize and process the losses we don’t always call grief. Nicole shares practical ways to stop unhealthy thought spirals, make space for honest emotions, and keep trusting God when life hurts. If you’re carrying a story you never would have chosen, I hope this conversation reminds you that grief and hope can exist at the same time and God is still at work.
And that He loves you deeply, no matter how things look right now.
This is a conversation you don’t want to miss and you will definitely want to share.
Remember, I'd love to connect more on Instagram, where you'll find me at @donnaajones or on my website at www.donnajones.org. And don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss a single episode!
Xo,
Donna
Key Takeaways:
0:03:14 - Naming Hidden Grief
0:04:38 -What Nicole learned from responses to the death of her marriage versus the death of her mom.
0:11:42 - How to Grieve Losses No One Sees (free advice from a therapist who's been there!)
0:16:09 - Carrying Scars, Not Open Wounds
0:23:09 - Breaking Rumination with Simple Habits
What We Talk About
- Why we can grieve even when no one has died
- Nicole’s experience with betrayal and the loss of the life she expected
- Why certain types of grief can feel invisible
- Divorce, infertility, health crisis, job loss, estrangement, addiction, mental health struggles, disability, prodigal children and other life-altering losses
- Why comparing or minimizing grief keeps us from healing
- How to support someone when you don’t know what to say
- The difference between healthy grieving and unhealthy rumination
- How grief can become part of our identity
- Practical ways to interrupt negative thought spirals
- Why where we put our focus matters
- Trusting God when we’re hurt by what He allowed
- Moving from asking “Why?” to asking, “What now?”
- How grief can become a scar instead of an open wound
- Holding grief and hope at the same time
Nicole’s Practical Path Through Grief
- Pray honestly.
Bring the real hurt to God—even when all you can say is, “God, help.”
- Name the loss.
Ask yourself: What exactly hurts so much? What did I lose? What story did I think I would have?
- Face it instead of running from it.
Grief is messy and rarely linear. Give yourself permission to do the work instead of rushing yourself to “get over it.”
- Notice your thought patterns.
Ask: Does this thinking heal me or hurt me? Help me or harm me? Move me toward God and the person I want to become—or away from them?
- Interrupt unhealthy rumination.
Move your body, engage your senses, listen to worship music, write Scripture, or call a healthy friend who can help redirect your focus.
- Ask, “What would my future self want me to do right now?”
Choose the action that moves you toward healing, even when it isn’t what you feel like doing.
- Move from “Why?” to “What now?”
You may never receive an answer that makes the loss make sense. Instead, ask God how He wants to meet you, grow you, and use your story from here.
Donna’s Resources:
Order a copy of my latest book -
It is available anywhere books are sold– here is the link on Amazon.
If you need a helpful resource for someone exploring faith and Christianity or simply want to strengthen your own knowledge, you’ll want a copy of my book, Seek: A Woman’s Guide to Meeting God.
It’s a must for seekers, new believers, and those who want to deepen their faith.
Connect with Nicole:
Nicole’s Website: https://www.nicolelangman.com/
Nicole on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_nicolelangman/
Nicole’s Book: This Isn’t the Story I Wanted: Grieving the Life You Lost and Trusting the God Who Stayed: https://www.nicolelangman.com/thisisntthestoryiwanted
Let’s Connect:
Instagram: @donnaajones
Website: www.donnajones.org
Donna’s speaking schedule: https://donnajones.org/events/
Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
Donna is the author of three books, including Seek: A Woman’s Guide to Meeting God and Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life. She’s written six Bible studies, four that deal with topics near to a woman’s heart: family, friendship, confidence, and contentment. Her works have been featured on Proverbs 31 Ministries, Focus on the Family, and Crosswalk. A national and international speaker, Donna has spoken to audiences in 28 states and on four continents and has been a guest on numerous podcasts and television shows.
Connect with Donna at www.donnajones.org, on Instagram @donnaajones or Facebook at Donna Jones, Speaker & Author.
