How to Help a Loved One Who Is Struggling with PTSD: What to Do and What Not to Do

Episode Summary:

When someone you love is living with PTSD, it can leave you feeling helpless, confused, and afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. You want to help—but what if your well-intended words make things worse?

In honor of PTSD Awareness Month, Rev. Jessica Van Roekel and I address the questions so many caregivers, spouses, friends, and family members quietly ask: How do I support someone with PTSD? What helps? What hurts? And how do I walk with them without losing myself? This conversation offers practical guidance, psychological insight, and biblical hope for anyone loving someone through trauma.

On a recent episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective, I offered an episode discussing Understanding PTSD: What it Is, What It Isn't, and How God Meets Us in the Aftermath of Trauma. We are continuing this important discussion with How to Help a Loved One Who Is Struggling with PTSD: What to Do and What Not to Do.

Quotables from the Episode:

• PTSD is not a character issue or a lack of effort. It's a nervous system injury.
• What looks like withdrawal, irritability, or emotional distance is often the brain doing its best to keep a person safe.
• Change does not mean broken beyond repair. The brain is wounded, but it's also capable of healing.
• When we name trauma responses accurately, we reduce shame and increase compassion.
• PTSD behaviors are not about a lack of love. They're about a lack of felt safety.
• A regulated nervous system helps regulate another nervous system.
• You don't have to fix the trauma, but your calm, consistent presence communicates safety.
• Validation quiets the brain's alarm system and reduces emotional intensity.
• Trauma healing doesn't follow a timeline. It follows safety.
• Loving someone with PTSD is not about doing everything right. It's about doing your best with compassion.

Scripture References:

• Romans 15:1 “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.”
• Isaiah 42:3 “A bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench.”
• Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”

Recommended Resources:

• Reframing Rejection: How Looking Through a Different Lens Changes Everything By Jessica Van Roekel
• Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide
• Free PDF Resource: How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win
• Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
• Free Webinar: Help for When You’re Feeling Blue

Social Media Links for Host and Guest:

Connect with Rev. Jessica Van Roekel:

Website / Instagram / Facebook

Connect with Dr. Bengtson:

Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple

Co-Host:

Jessica Van Roekel is a worship leader, speaker, and writer who believes that through Jesus, personal histories don’t need to define the present or determine the future. She inspires, encourages, and equips others to look at life through the lenses of hope, trust, and God’s transforming grace. Jessica lives in rural Iowa surrounded by wide open spaces which remind her of God’s expansive love. She loves fun earrings, good coffee, and connecting with others.

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Audio Technical Support: Ashton Bengtson

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