Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

Love Never Fails (Love Is... Series) This is the final episode in our love is series on how to love unconditionally . . . a love that never fails. I am fresh off of a world-class trip all the way across the world to Tanzania, East Africa, and if this is maybe your first time listening to the podcast, maybe you didn't know that I was away for so long. Well, of course I have to update you on all the wonderful things that happen on that trip and maybe I'll do a bonus episode just to kind of give you guys, those of you who want to know all about the trip, I'll be able to share with you some really great details.    It was really a great time. There were so many things that God did in and through our team. Just some things I just don't even have words for yet. I'm still processing, I'm still thinking on what I experienced and what I was able to be a part of as I led this team. It was incredible, you all, it was incredible. One of the things though that I think I was so struck with was these people's hunger and thirst for God.    So what we are here for today, you guys, is to talk about our conclusion to the Love Is series. I'm so sad. I'm like, oh my gosh, this series has been so amazing. I have promoted the Love Is workbook. And if you don't have your copy, please go to http://realrelationship.com/loveis and get your copy today. This is the last time that we'll talk about the workbook  Love Never Fails But People Do Okay, on to our topic: Love never fails. Think about that statement, love never fails. So if you have been in a relationship with someone who has failed you, or maybe you have failed someone, then the question is, was it love that failed or was it you or that person that may have fallen in your expression of love? You see, I believe that when we look at what the Bible teaches about love, the Bible says God is love. And even for those who are not Christians, even for those who do not consider themselves to be believers, that scripture is pretty common. God is love. That means that at the core of who God is, that yes, God is good, and yes, God is powerful, and yes, God is holy, and yes, God is amazing. But at the core of who he is, he is love. He is the very essence of love. And so to know God is to know love. And to not know God is to not know love. As a matter of fact, it says in I John, chapter four, “the one who does not love does not know God because God is love.” So if you're a person and your love is very fickle, your love is conditional. You choose who you're going to love, when you're going to love, how you're going to love, how much you're going to love. Well, this scripture says, my friend, that you don't know God.    God's love isn't fickle. His love isn't inconsistent. His love doesn't have conditions. As a matter of fact, it can be intimidating sometimes when we think about God's love, because we can't live like Him. We're not God. We're not perfect. But you know what we can do? We can choose to love in ways that are like Him. We can choose to love people who don't always love us in return. We could choose to love people who will never be able to give us anything in return. Why did I go to Tanzania? Was it because I wanted these people to give me something that I needed, whether it be finances or affirmations or accolades? No, I didn't want or expect anything from them. I simply went because I believe that God called me to go and because I wanted to just give them everything I had, anything that I had. That is what it means to love. Unfailing Love Changes Us and the World Think about a good parent who loves their baby. That baby can't do anything for you. As a matter of fact, that baby is going to keep you up at night. It's going to cry and scream when you need to go to work in the morning. It's going to refuse milk when you know that that is what the baby wants. I mean, the baby can't give you anything. The baby is not loving you. But because you love that child unconditionally, you will keep showing up night after night after night. You will keep trying to soothe that child. You will keep trying to provide for that child's needs because you love him or her.    I wonder what the world would look like if we all showed up like that in our relationships, where we weren't loving people to get something from them, but we were just simply showing up to love them because we understood that love never fails. You see, our love shouldn't wax and wane. Our love should be consistent. We shouldn't love people based on their performance. I will love you until die. None of us ever gets married and says that in our marriage vows, right? None of us gets married and says, I will love you until . . .  Love doesn't depend on the performance of the one to whom it's given. Meaning, if you're going to love somebody, love them, regardless of what they can do for you. It isn't about how well they perform, how they float your boat, how they meet your needs, how they love you in return. If those qualifiers are present, my friend, your love is conditional and it will not last.   We have to become a people who truly learn how to love people, regardless of who they are, what they're doing, what they're not doing, how they're meeting our needs or not. It's easy for us to love people who are good to us. It's easy for us to love people who are kind to us, who show up for us, who are encouraging us, who support us, right? Who have our best interests at heart. It's easy to love folks like that.  How to Love the Unloveables But what about the people who don't show up for you? What about the people who don't encourage you? What about the people who don't even receive the love that you're trying to give to them? Or who are ungrateful? That stuff hurts, you guys. And I'm not brushing it aside and saying, well, just get over it and just love him anyway. No. Like, it hurts and we have to take a minute sometimes to be like, whoa, that's not what I expected here. But then what are you going to do? Are you going to let your love be conditional because their love is conditional?   Are you going to let your love be inconsistent because their love is inconsistent? Or are you going to show up and say, you know what? I'm going to choose to love you regardless of your performance. You see, I believe that we can't truly love without having the experience of God's love, not just the understanding of it, because a lot of us know in our minds that God is love and he's loving and he's kind and he's all of that. But so many of us have not experienced the love of God. We have not experienced it for ourselves. And so because we haven't experienced it, we can't give it. We still see God as this scary guy who as long as we're doing good, we're in his good graces. But the moment that we mess up, he wants to kind of kick us to the curb.    Think about like a two year-old that knows that his parents love him regardless of what he does. So he can hit, he can bite, he can have a tantrum, he can do whatever he's going to do. But at the end of the day, when he's afraid, he runs into his mommy and daddy's room because he knows that's the place of his protection. That's how God wants us to see Him. Not as some scary God who's judging us for all the things that we're doing. Because if you have that viewpoint of God, then you're never going to draw near to Him. You're always going to stay away. I preached about this when I was in Tanzania, and I'm not going to get into it now because hello, bonus episode. But I will tell you this. If you've not experienced God's love, you're not going to be able to give God's love to people, and you're not going to be able to receive love from other people. You will always be a little bit suspicious. When people love you deeply, you'll always think, what do they want? They have something in mind. What's the catch? But people who are loved well love well. And people who are loved well know how to be loved well.  Unconditional Love Heals Broken Hearts If you are someone who you've been in relationships that have been unhealthy, that have been toxic, that have been inconsistent, maybe you've been betrayed, you've had your heart broken. My prayer for you, my friend, is that you would experience the healing power of God's love so that you can not only be a person of love, but so that you can also receive real love when it comes your Way. You see, I believe that when God is the source of your love and again, I'm not talking about just having an understanding of his love, but I'm talking about when he's truly the source of your love. And when you have that experiential knowledge and depth of his love, it will fuel you to love other people. That's the kind of love that doesn't fail. This is how you can still love people when they abuse you, misuse you, or even try to hurt you. Now.   There is a difference between loving somebody and being in proximity with that person. I've talked about this on other episodes. A lot of times I'll say there's a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. You can forgive someone and not be reconciled to them in a physical relationship. The same is true with love. You can love someone and not be in close proximity to that person. Maybe that person is not a safe person. Maybe that person is not someone that can be trusted. And so, therefore, you cannot be in proximity to them, but you can still keep your love on toward them.  Keep Your Love On Danny Silk wrote a book several years ago called Keep Your Love On. And he, likens love to a faucet. And he says that it is up to us whether we're going to turn the faucet on keeping our love on or whether we're going to turn the faucet off turning our love off. And that simple little analogy. You all was such an eye opener for me because I realized that in my relationships, I would turn the faucet on and off, depending on how the other person was acting. So if you were treating me good oh, man. We're going to have a full faucet here. Full of water pressure. I was going to turn my love on. I was going to go through all the hoops and the bells and the whistles, but the moment that that person started to treat me anything less than what I felt like I should be treated, off went the spigot. And I turned my love off. And I got to a point.   Going through that study with a group of married couples, Shaun and I leading these groups of married couples, I realized I don't want my love to be like that. That's easy love that's cheap love I wanted my love to remain on even when people were inconsistent with me. And y'all, I am challenged in this every single day, just like you are. And sometimes I fail the test and sometimes I pass. My goal isn't perfection. My goal is to choose to show up for people, regardless if they're showing up for me or not. My goal is to have a love that does not fail. A love that sands the test of time. A love that when people when I'm done loving these people, that they can look back and say, you know what? I didn't always treat Dana the way that she deserved to be treated. But she loved me, didn't she?   The Bible says that God is kind to the ungrateful. I've said that many times on the show, and it's true. And when we have that understanding of who God is and how he shows up for us, even though we don't always show up for Him, it humbles you. I know it humbles me because I can't give God a list of all of my accolades and all the wonderful things that I've always done. No, it's quite the opposite, actually, where I have a list of my flaws and my faults, and I'm like, God, why do you still love me? Why do you still bless me? Why do you still give me these incredible opportunities? Why do you give me influence? Why do you trust me? And he's like, because I love you. It's not because you're the greatest. It's not because you're the smartest. It's not because I couldn't choose anybody else. There's nobody else available. I just love you. It's just as simple as that. You Have to Experience Love to Give Love Some of you have never experienced God's love. You show up on this podcast. You listen to all these other podcasts. You're trying to figure out how to make your relationships work, and it's not working because you haven't experienced God's love. Can I encourage you to start there? If you don't have a relationship with God, would today be the day that you open your heart to Him and you say, god, there's a lot of junk in my heart. There's a lot of bad teaching, maybe philosophies that I believe that have gone against what I believe now about who you are. Don't worry about all that. God will clean all that stuff up. The only thing that he needs from you is a willing heart to invite Him in and to surrender your life to Him. And when you do that, he will show you things that you never could have imagined. Your relationships that have been struggling, some of y'all going around the same old Melbury tree for ten years, you will not have that struggle any longer. Once you get a taste of God's love for you, once you allow Him to love your spouse, your partner through you. You see, that's what I realized. That for me, when it was very difficult for me to love Shaun, it was because I was trying to love him the "Dana way." Well, the Dana way doesn't work, okay? I had to learn how to love him the God away. I had to learn how to go first, how to initiate some things, how to say I'm sorry, even though I needed an apology. I had to learn how to lay my life down and lay my desires down and stop keeping score and stop thinking about all of my needs that were not being met. I had to learn how to love the God way.   And I will tell you something that when I learned how to love the God way and I'm still working on it, you all, I am not an expert here. I am not on a high horse. But when I learned the difference, it made all the difference. People always ask us, what changed in your relationship? What was the thing that took you guys from this horrible adulterous relationship to where you are today? And Shaun and I have both tried to think of, like, a real quick response and answer something that sounds like profound, but the truth is, you all, we just decided to do things God's way. That's it. We just decided to stop trying to do things our own way because our way wasn't working. And maybe you're looking at the shards of your relationship and you're starting to have an understanding of revelation that your way isn't working. Listen, friend, there's no shame in that. Don't feel bad or guilty about that. Praise God, you've seen the lights. Now the question is, what are you going to do about it?   Are you going to keep on trying to love in your own conditional, inconsistent way, tit for tat? Or are you going to choose this love that never fails, this love that doesn't end, this love that isn't based on conditions or performance, that's the love that never fails. That's the love that we're after. And every episode that you're going to hear on the Real Relationship Talk podcast is going to be talking about that kind of love. Am I not going to talk about things that you need to do and tips and tricks that you need in your relationship? Absolutely. Because we all need that. But the tips and the tricks and the tools only work if you have first surrendered to unconditional love. That never fails. That's the only way it works. You all, you can keep on trying to do this in your own strength. You can keep on putting the bandaid on, you can keep on going from one relationship to the next to the next to the next. Think that's the next person. That's going to be the magic pill. But at some point, you're going to have to come face to face with, am I going to receive this love that God has for me? Am I going to first receive it for myself? And then, am I going to give it to those people that God has placed in my life? When you do that, everything's going to change for you. Maybe you have an incredible relationship, an incredible marriage. Keep it up.  Don't Allow Your Love to Fail Don't let your love wax and wane. Don't let it fail, y'all. We're going to go through seasons in our lives and seasons and relationships. Relationships have seasons. You're not always going to be up. There are hills and there are valleys, but when you go through the valley, you have to keep your love on. As hard as it is, I'm still tempted to turn my love off because it's a protection, it's a self-preservation mechanism. That's what it is. So when we turn our love off, we feel like we're protecting ourselves from getting hurt. But the truth of the matter is we're actually just closing ourselves off. It doesn't protect us at all because we still get hurt and then we become bitter. And then that bitterness leads to resentment, and resentment left undetected and unhealed, turns into hatred, which is absolutely the opposite of what we're going for here. One of my favorite scriptures is out of Romans 8:38, 39, “For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.”   Being a Christian isn't about belonging to a specific church or a denomination or wearing dresses or home schooling your children. That's not what being a Christian is all about. Being a Christian is about experiencing and surrendering to the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, that he gave his very life for you, that he died a cruel, cruel death so that you wouldn't have to. And it's just simply saying, I receive that love now. I want to give that love. I want to be conformed into your image. I want to spend the rest of my life learning how to be like you God. That's what being a Christian is. And I'm sorry for the many Christians who have messed it up and who have treated people way less than what God would ever treat someone as who have given the word Christian a bad reputation and a bad name. But I want to tell you something. Don't judge God by his children, okay? Because some of them are illegitimate anyway, but even the legitimate ones who get it wrong, don't judge God by them. That's not who he is. When you experience his love, you'll know, and you'll be forever changed and so will your relationships.   LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE How to Forgive Someone Who's Hurt You Keep Your Love On Book by Danny Silk The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love Rejoices with the Truth (Love Is... Series) We are talking about truth today, but many people want to know what truth is. Love rejoices with truth. I’m here to tell you first hand that understanding the truth can be difficult, especially when it comes to the truth about love. Truth affects our marriages and relationships, but I believe that it also affects every other aspect of our lives. We can discover truth from the word of God by listening, reading, and understanding what God’s heart is for us. In today’s episode, we dive into what truth really is, what may be preventing you from seeing the truth, and how to live a life full of truth and love.  What is Real Truth? 1 Corinthians 13:6-7 says, “Love rejoices with truth.” That is a very simple, yet complicated scripture. Love rejoices with truth, but what is truth? Truth is not something that we get to create based on our culture, experiences, or preferences. Truth is a matter of fact. There are some things that are true, and some things that are not. God is the author of truth and the Source of love. It is possible to have truth and love at the same time, although sometimes, the truth can hurt. In your relationships, you can speak truth and also be speaking love. Sometimes in relationships, your partner could be saying something that's true, but due to your own personal wounds, it could cause hurt. Your friends, family, and partner may want to express truth to you, not to embarrass or criticize, but to show you they truly love you and they care. You have to accept and expect for people close to you to want to express the truth and about you and welcome it with love.    The Truth Sometimes Hurts Do you remember a time when someone told you something about yourself that you didn’t want to believe? You may have felt a knee jerk reaction to be upset or deny what they said. Sometimes the truth about ourselves can trigger us because we don’t want to seem like flawed individuals. People who love us and have the best intentions for us will speak truth in a loving way for our growth as humans. Love rejoices in truth. When you find people in your life who are willing to step out there to tell you the truth by God's grace, that's love. It is helpful to surround yourself with people who will speak the truth to you in love. People that love you will help guide the way. It doesn’t always feel good, but sometimes things need to be said. It’s our personal job to not take truth as criticism, but to hear truth as is it. It sometimes can feel like tough love, but at the end of the day, it’s love.   Speak the Truth in Relationships . . . in Love Healthy relationships are not relationships that avoid conflict. Healthy relationships are measured by how quickly you recover from conflict. When you think of your relationship, do you feel conflict consumes the majority of your relationships? If you answered yes to that question, you may need to look at how truthful and loving you and your partner are being. Healthy relationship are ones where love rejoices with truth. It’s about being grateful to your partner for having the ability to be truthful to you about things and accepting you for who you truly are. Hopefully, you can have a relationship where you both recognize the truth about one another, imperfections and all, and still stand by each other. It can be challenging to speak the honest truth in relationships, but sometimes partners need to hear it. We all have blindspots that we don’t see about ourselves, but our partners love us enough to speak up and communicate things that we may not see about ourselves.   Links Mentioned in this Episode 5 Guidelines to Speaking the Truth in Love  7 Tips to Become a Better Listener   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs (Love Is... Series) - with Dr. J. Calvin Tibbs Friends, love is not easy. We are all flawed humans and mess up from time to time. The truth is, love doesn’t keep score. Why do we keep records of wrong doings? Sometimes, it can be a form of protecting ourselves. In today’s episode, I had the honor of speaking to Dr. J. Calvin Tibbs. Dr. Tibbs is the senior pastor at Kingdom Dominion Church in Georgia. Today we talk about how we can let love win, start forgiving, all the while letting go of keeping score.   Stop Holding Anger and Forgive We often hold on to bitterness, resentment and anger while trying to keep score in relationships. This is no way to love our partners. Again, love doesn’t keep score. We are conditioned, as humans, to hold on to anger. This learned behavior closes us off to fully love our partners the way God intended us to love them. When we hold in anger, it can build up, causing more tension and pain in the relationship. It is so important for couples in relationships to be able to communicate freely and let their partner in when something may be bothering them. When we stop our anger from building up, we allow our partners to get closer to understanding where our real pain may be stemming from. When we step out of anger and begin to forgive quickly, it allows us to move through the healing process more efficiently.    Stop Keeping Score So many people are operating relationships in autopilot. When we wake up and realize we are doing something wrong, we need to also give grace to our partner and give space to forgive. Each partner needs their own time to heal. When an issue arises in a relationship, it can be difficult to move on when one partner continues to keep score. Couples need to realize that they are on the same team. Some couples feel that keeping score allows them to have justice for the wrongdoings. They use justification for the way they may treat their partner because they feel like they have one up on them, but love doesn’t keep record of wrongs. Sacrifice is needed in every single relationship. When you are able to love your partner in their imperfections, you can give them grace and love for the mistakes that they make.   Serve Your Spouse Without Expectations Couples can transform their relationships by serving each other to the best of their abilities. When you let go of the need to receive and simply give love freely, you will see the blessings unfold. Each partner who gives their love without expectations will nourish something beautiful in their relationship. Dr. Tibbs said each partner should ask themselves, “Why am I here?” When partners realize that they are here to serve God as well as their spouse, they can fully understand their purpose. When couples can slow down in the relationship and understand where the resistance is coming from, it can give them direction on where to go. When you seek God in the pursuit of your relationship, love keeps no record of wrongs.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Calvin Tibbs Inc: Dr. Tibbs’s Website and Coaching A Man Made For Marriage: Dr. Tibbs’s Book The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love Is Not Easily Angered (Love Is... Series) Are you someone who is easily angered? Or, maybe, you are in a relationship with someone who is. Either way, this episode is going to be very beneficial for you. Today we are talking about the damages of anger in relationships and how anger, a natural emotion, can sometimes get the best of us. I know it can be a very difficult thing to deal with someone who is always angry. Love is not easily angered. If we are going to be people of love, we are going to be people who need to address our anger issues. Struggling with anger in marriages and relationships can be very shameful at times, so it’s important to understand why we get angry. What is anger? Can anger ever be beneficial? If so, how?   Anger is a Cover-Up Anger is always a secondary emotion. When you get angry, what is the first emotion you feel? For me, it’s usually fear or feeling out of control. Anger is often triggered when you are feeling emotions of disrespect. This can often show up in families when you ask your children to do something and they don’t listen. When feelings of anger arise in you, it is possible to slow down and try to understand where that emotion is coming from. Instead of jumping to anger and lashing out, you can choose to slow down and recognize that maybe you are feeling hurt or upset. Angry outbursts are a true sign that there is some healing that needs to be done. Anger is a light that shows you that you need to start owning your own true emotions and communicating your needs. Ask yourself What is this anger covering up? What am I really feeling? Then deal with those emotions.   Be Slow to Anger  James 1:19 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Oftentimes when we lash out in anger, we aren’t listening for the other person's perspective. When we lash out in anger, our mouths are running faster than our brains can catch up. This is why when we are angry, we often say things we don’t mean.  When you are slow to speak, it will keep you from saying things in anger that you don’t mean. We are all going to experience anger at times, but it’s our choice to choose what we do with that anger. We get to choose if we are going to lash out or exercise self control. We get to choose if we are going to blame others for the way we feel, or reflect on our of actions and how we may be affecting the situation.    A Soft Answer Turns Away Wrath I used to really struggle with anger. When I would get in my angry outbursts, the worst thing someone could do was to lash back. Typically, when you meet an angry person with the same energy, it will build the tension and anger in the air. The Bible says, in Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath.” This doesn’t mean that you diminish yourself or allow people to abuse you. When you answer someone with a soft answer, and they are angry, it can be disorienting. Because when someone is in a volatile state, raging, and angry, and someone responds in a genuine, soft, respectful way, it’s almost discombobulating for the angry person. This can ease the tension and de-escalate the situation.   Healing from Anger It’s easy to be angry, it’s much harder to say how you feel. We do not have to be controlled by anger. Anger doesn’t have to define who you are. Anger doesn't have to be something that you live in shame with for the rest of your life. The best thing I’ve done in my life is to expose the things I’ve struggled with. By bringing to light the pain that anger caused in my life, and taking responsibility for my actions without blaming anyone else, I was able to heal from anger and learn new ways to deal with my emotions. And, so can you, friend.   Other Helpful Resources  How to Love Your Spouse When You Don’t Like Your Spouse  Control Anger Before It Controls You  Connect with Me on Instagram @mrsdanache or @realrelationshiptalk .     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love is Not Demanding (Love Is... Series) - with Dr. Mike Frazier We have a lot to learn about love. One key aspect is love is not demanding. Most relationship and marriage advice focuses on how women can make their relationships better but today it's about the men. I talk to Mike Frazier about how men can show up better in their relationships. Mike Frazier, M.D., is the founder of Strong Men Strong Marriages. He is a licensed psychologist and marriage coach dedicated to helping couples achieve the relationships they want and deserve.   Give Without Expectations We can often get caught up in competition when it comes to marriage and relationships. Sometimes, partners enter into a cycle where they think I did this for you, now you owe me something back. Mike says, “I call it the mosquito mentality , because you're trying to suck off the attention and approval of your partner.” Typically, individuals will serve their partner in the beginning of the relationship and do the things their spouse or partner wants, but eventually a partner will want something back for their “service.” Often, in marriage, couples begin to keep score and wait for their partner to return favors in order to provide them with more.  Mike shares most guys have the same basic expectations: attention, affection, appreciation, and sex. Ladies, take note. Typically, a man will love you in order to receive these things in return. While that’s not wrong, love is not demanding, so what happens when those expectations are not fulfilled?   Becoming More Attractive in Your Marriage  As time goes on, the spark can fade and the attraction can die down in a marriage. That doesn’t have to be the road you go down if you desire a marriage and relationship full of passion, attraction, and love. Typically this determent in attraction comes from a wife not getting her needs met and/or a husband feeling resentful. When resentment and negative thoughts and feelings arise in a partner, it’s important couples come together and communicate.  Mike said, “It’s about generating feeling states and intentions that are attractive. Really trying to live in the fruits of the spirit. Love, patience, peace, self control.” When partners can learn to switch their thoughts and feelings and find gratitude and love for their partner, the attraction will again become ignited. It’s also important that each person in the relationship is able to look at themselves and see how they view themselves. If you think negative thoughts about yourself, it’s possible that you will project that onto your partner as well which is not attractive.   Just Ask for What You Want Resentment can come from men not getting what they want in their marriage or relationship. But in order to get what they want, they must ask. For men, asking what they want can be difficult. Mike said that there are three things that get in the way of men asking for what they want. The first thing being that men aren’t clear on what they want. Sometimes men in relationships desire something but they aren’t exactly sure what that is or how to receive it. They also are often afraid they are going to get turned down (fear of rejection). This can be one of the preventing factors for men asking what they want, because if they risk being vulnerable, and being turned down, that can hurt them. Lastly, men sometimes don’t ask for what they want because they are trying to control their partner's emotions. Because they don’t want to inconvenience their partner, they beat around the bush and don’t just straight communicate what their need is and where they may need support.    But First Get Clear on What You Want In many marriages and relationships, one partner may want something from their partner and use different tactics and situations to force their partner into doing something they want. This is a form of manipulation that couples use to get what they want. They are looking for an outcome, but aren’t actually getting to the root of the need. The first thing that they should do is get clear on what they really want.  Simply communicate what you want and give the reason why you want that thing. This allows your partner to understand why that thing may be so important to you. Mike says, “When you give a reason for your request, there’s something about it that makes us more likely to want to do it for the other person.” This is an exercise for both partners because the person asking must get clear on what they want and communicate why they may need that. This is where boundaries come in. Each partner has the opportunity to withstand their boundaries based on the asks and requests in the marriage.  There’s so much more in this episode. Be sure to listen to the full episode and learn how love is not demanding.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Mike's Website Strong Men Strong Marriages Podcast Episode mentioned about Comparison in Marriage     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love is Not Proud or Passive (Love Is… Series) - with Chris and Jamie Bailey Continuing with the Love is series, I had the honor of chatting with Christian marriage counselors Chris and Jamie Bailey of Expedition Marriage. Chris and Jamie have been married over 27 years, but their journey hasn’t always been easy. In today’s conversation we talk about taking responsibility for your baggage. If we are always looking at our spouse as the problem, it will cause friction in our marriages and relationships. This doesn’t allow us to love freely and be fully supported in our partnerships. We go on to discuss how love is not proud or passive. They are two opposite extremes that show up in a lot of marriages. Pride destroys, and passivity can cause resentment in our marriages. The solution is that we must learn to allow each other’s voice to be heard without resorting to either extreme.    How to Support and not Compete  It’s important for couples to understand the amount of refinement that comes with marriage. It takes work y’all! It is a learned skill to learn how to support and encourage each other without competing with each other. Jamie said, “I learned that my job and my success is helping him become what God created him to be. Success looks different in marriage. It’s the goal of becoming one and looking out for each other. When you bring pride into that, it’s one looking out for themselves.” It feels so good when we can support our partners fully and help them become a better person and better partner. Chris said,“Next to God, your partner should be your most impactful resource. When you are able to be there and support your partner, you can celebrate your wins together.” That’s what it means to support one another without competing.    Self-Protection vs Vulnerability in Marriage Many couples are dealing with a fear of disconnection. At times, we are afraid of our emotions and how these emotions will affect our partners. Often, we quiet ourselves in order to keep the peace, but this quieting can cause bigger issues down the road. Jamie said, “It’s not peace making; it’s ’peace faking.’”  Chris added, “It’s fear of disconnection, fear of losing the relationship, fear of I am not enough as I am. If she knew my real answers, I wouldn’t be enough, and now I'm vulnerable. It takes vulnerability to speak your truth and puts you in a situation where loss could happen.” Men like to feel strong and have their protective barrier even though that protection may not always be giving the desired outcome.    Pride vs Passivity It’s interesting how we are contrasting pride and passivity. Love is not proud but neither is love passive. Many men fall into passivity trying to appease their wives. But strong women need (and want!) strong men. Strong women want a man who can lead without being proud or arrogant but also one who will listen, support, and build with her. Chris talked about how he was raised in a house where his father leaned more toward passivity than pride. For some men with similar experiences, this can make them passive as well. Neither extremes are helpful.    Doormat or Jerk Chris said, “Many men think they only have two choices: being a doormat or being a jerk.” Men think, if I stand up and push back, that will come across as being a jerk. Sometimes men think it’s either one or the other. You're either falling in the tracks of toxic masculinity or you're a doormat. The beautiful thing about marriage and relationships is that it does not have to be one or the other with healthy communication. Love is not proud or passive. It’s about finding the middle ground to make your marriage or relationships flow easily. When one partner feels as if their voice isn’t being heard, it can cause resentment, control, and domination.    Both Partners Matter in Marriage Both people should have the ability to show up fully as they are and allow each other the opportunity to manage their emotions. We need to feel confident in showing up as ourselves and knowing and believing that our partner will accept us the way that we are. It takes work and healing in the marriage to get to that point, but it’s possible. When you see yourself on the same team, rather than as competition, you are able to work together and have a beautiful and successful marriage.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Expedition Marriage Not Your Average Man Podcast Get Your Love Is...Workbook!     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love is Not Jealous or Envious Either Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who’s jealous? Jealousy is like a cancer to a relationship. Thankfully, there is a cure to jealousy. Before we talk about the cure to jealousy, we first have to talk about what are the root causes. Jealousy comes from 3 things; Insecurity, lack of trust, and fear. If we are going to be people in secure relationships, we need to have the ability to be aware of how these things may be causing jealousy in our relationships and marriages.    Jealousy. Normal or Nah? Feeling some jealousy from time to time is a normal feeling in a relationship or marriage. I believe in most healthy relationships, a bit of jealousy should be present. Imagine if you saw your spouse flirt with another person, yet you felt no jealousy concerning their actions. Think about why you don’t feel any jealousy or envy. In that scenario, your devotion to your partner would be questionable. When we feel threatened or when we feel our love being threatened, the feelings of jealousy are evoked. We can have a healthy relationship with jealousy but if there are consistent or habitual feelings of jealousy, you have a problem. Jealousy, when not misused or abused,  is a sign that you care deeply about your relationship and you are willing to do anything to protect it.    Insecurity: The Root Cause of Jealousy I believe the number one thing that causes jealousy is insecurity. Typically you don’t feel secure in yourself or your relationship. When this insecurity pops up, you try to hold on too tightly to the relationship. This is a vicious cycle because most healthy people don’t want to be constrained and controlled. When jealousy pops up in a relationship, the other partner typically feels like they are walking on egg shells and has to watch out for every little thing they do. The jealous partner will often become triggered by every little thing, causing them to hold on tighter and try to keep things in their control. This all stems from insecurity. Lack of confidence and security can often cause this type of jealousy in a relationship. The triggered jealousy may not even come from something that happened in the relationship, but something that caused the insecurity prior to the relationship forming. You can’t ever make an insecure person secure. They need to do the work on themselves to heal this.   A Lack of Trust Triggers Jealousy If there has been trust issues or past cheating in the relationship, you will typically see jealously flair up in a relationship. It’s important that each partner is able to heal if there was lack of trust in the past. If the healing did not happen, the problems will consist in the relationship. You can’t just simply forget infidelity happened; you have to be relentless and intentional to destroy the toot and its effects if that’s the case.   Fear Feeds Jealousy Fear is similar to insecurity and can show up in many ways in relationships. Oftentimes, people are afraid of losing the relationship and being alone. Fearful thoughts then become jealous thoughts. Some spouses fear not being fully loved by their partner. The fear of not having full commitment can cause partners to spiral and be overcome with jealousy. This fear can cause people to unintentionally sabotage the relationship. Fear has been called False Evidence Appearing Real. This is exactly what happens in jealous relationships.    How To Cure Chronic Jealousy There is a cure to jealous relationships. We need to start getting real with our insecurities. This starts with going inward and understanding things that you are struggling with in yourself. Oftentimes, we project our insecurities onto other people. Don’t do this. Self-awareness is key when it comes to overcoming insecurities. You can start by recognizing an insecure thought and redirect that thought to love and empathy. Change your thoughts and begin to think about the good qualities you have.  Next, look and probe your relationship for breaches of trust. There are times when you are simply discerning something that you need to pay attention to. It’s one thing to be aware of how your discernment may be watching over to protect your relationship, but it’s another if this discernment becomes obsessive and controlling.  Last, be willing to deal with the fears that are controlling and sabotaging your relationship. We often have fears that pop up in our marriage that makes us jealous. We need to get real with these fears that pop up that cause us to think our partners will leave the relationship. Returning to love will help with overcoming fears.     Links Mentioned in this Episode Get Your Copy of the Love Is Workbook 12 Steps to Rebuilding Trust in Your Relationship The Hidden Fears that are Ruining Your Relationships     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love is Kind.  But Are You? (Love Is… Series) - with Anne Visser   I was reading an article last year about when a mutual friend set up Prince Harry and Megan Markle on a blind date.   Megan says she had only question in mind: "Is he kind?" Love is kind, so let's talk about kindness. We’ve seen the t-shirts, we’ve used the hashtags, but how important is kindness to a relationship? Or to a marriage for that matter? To be honest, ya’ll, I wouldn’t rate kindness as one of my top attributes.   I mean, I’m not mean, but it’s just that there are so many other qualities that rank more important to me than kindness.  Like responsible.  Dependable.   Faithful.  Heck, even a sense of humor.   But the more I think about it, I realize being in a relationship with someone who isn’t kind is kinda rough.    What do you think about when you think of the word kindness? For some reason, Barney comes to my mind.   He’s always smiling.   He never seems to have a bad day.   He’s forever optimistic.   And Barney loves everyone. Kindness is usually synonymous with gentleness.   Therefore, many men don’t readily identify with this word.   Can you be tough and kind? Can you have swag and be kind? Cool and kind? Or do you need to act like Barney? I think kindness is more about a heart expression than a facial expression.   Kindness is more than just being nice.  It’s compassionate, selfless, and its very definition is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.   Kindness is putting others first.   And you can do all of that without smiling.    In Ephesians 4:32, Paul instructs Christians to be kind to one another.   Tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God, for Christ’s sake, forgives us.   Elsewhere, in Galatians, we see that kindness is a fruit of the Spirit…basically it’s one of the evidences of God’s spirit in you… or not. We all know about those mean ol’ church ladies, right?    Random Acts of Kindness I’ve been the recipient of random acts of kindness more times than I can count.   Several years ago, after a long and stressful day of non-stop sports, I pulled my weary self into the Chick-fil-A drive through.   I knew it would be the cashier's pleasure to serve me, or at least that's what they always say, I mean kindness is literally written all over their employee handbook.   But what I didn't expect is the person in front of me to pay for my whole ticket.   Do ya'll know how expensive Chick-Fil-A is for a family of six? You might at well go sit down somewhere at a restaurant.     Another time at Starbucks after ordering an especially sugary drink and battling shame as I inched my way through the drive-through.   Again, someone, a complete stranger, paid for my drink.   FYI: I haven’t battled shame in the Starbucks line ever since. Kindness literally destroys shame.   Ooohhh...    Hesed: the Biblical Definition of Kindness Kindness is a theme all throughout Scripture.   God extends us kindness through giving us grace and mercy.   Jesus modeled kindness by caring for the poor, lifting up women in a hyper-mysoginistic culture.   From the patriarch, Abraham, who showed hospitality to strangers (who just happened to be angels), to the prostitute, Rahab who hid the Israelite warriors from her own people who were trying to kill them, and the prophet Hosea, who married a wayward prostitute and kept pursuing her while she was pursuing other men, all of these people extended kindness without expecting anything in return.   But ya’ll know what, when you do something kind without expecting anything in return, God has a way of returning it back to you.    There’s this really beautiful Hebrew word Hesed that shows up in the Bible.   Hesed means loyal love, faithful devotion and unfailing kindness.   Sounds just like God to me.   But did you know we are called to show hesed in our marriages and relationships? Loyalty, faithful devotion, unfailing kindness.   These are all action-oriented nouns. Hesed is kindness rooted in love. So we know kindness is good for us spirit, but can talk about science for a bit?    How Kindness Affects our Physical Bodies Did you know that according to Mayo Clinic Health, being kind boosts serotonin and dopamine, which are neurotransmitters in the brain that give you feelings of satisfaction and well-being, and cause the pleasure/reward centers in your brain to light up? Endorphins, which are your body's natural pain killer, also can be released just be practicing kindness.   So hesed is good for your physical health too!  Being kind just feels good.      How to be Kind in Marriage & Relationships I think one of the most obvious ways we can show hesed is in how we communicate, specifically how we talk to those we’re in relationship with.   When I was a kid, my sister and I would mock my mom’s telephone voice, you know you made fun of your mom too.   You know the voice I’m talking about? That super nice, cheerful, proper voice (hello) my mom would answer the phone after she just got finished yelling at my sister and me for not cleaning our rooms. Well, much to my dismay, my own kids joke my podcast voice! Ya’ll, I don’t have a podcast voice. Really what they’re saying is my tone with them is lacking the same sweetness I obviously have with my listeners.    But let’s talk about marriage for a bit.   This is a marriage podcast after all.   We all have a tendency to take our spouses for granted.   Think of the last conversation you had with your spouse.   If you were to be rated on a scale from 1-10 on how kind that conversation was, how would you score? Think about when you were dating vs your conversations now.   Remember how you’d be so excited to talk to each other on the phone or you’d get that tingling feeling deep in your stomach when you saw your future mate had emailed, texted, or reached out to you on social.      Now, that you’re married, how often do you think of kindness in your conversations? No judgment here, you guys.   I, too, am guilty as charged.   And that’s why our guest today is here.   She is going to help us learn to communicate more kindly. I invited Anne Visser, who is a life coach, and also a certified John Maxwell coach, speaker & trainer.   With her husband, Melis, of 42 years, they co-founded 4 Better 4 Ever, which seeks to help Christian women learn to communicate clearly and confidently. Anne is going to chime in on this conversation we're already having on Kind communication.     Kind Communication in Marriage & Relationships Communication is key in relationships. Anne shares how couples can improve their communication, and in turn, improve their relationships. Through healthy communication, we can all learn to give a little more love to the people around us, while building thriving relationships. Anne shares meaningful ways that we can open ourselves up to love through vulnerability, kindness, and patience. Being vulnerable is never easy, but it is worth it. When we take the chance to get vulnerable with our partners, it allows us to enter a space where we can speak freely from our heart, in a safe space. Anne said of kind communication, “It was a shift in Melis’s and my mindset and a shift in the way we communicated.” When Anne and her husband created vulnerability in their marriage, they regained hope in their marriage. Through deep, heart-opening conversations, Anne and her husband were able to overcome strife and regain the love they desired. Conflict will arise in relationships at some point and understanding and communicating your needs is crucial for creating resolution. Anne said, “Conflict is the doorway to intimacy. Into me you see.” When conflict is revealed, it allows you to understand and grow closer by working as a team to overcome the problem. When conflict is fixed with vulnerability, it allows both partners to be heard and seen through the eyes of love.   God is Kind and So Can You Be When we are at the end of our rope it’s important that we can always return to kindness. God is such a pure example of what love and kindness looks like. Kindness shows up in our thoughts first, then it shows up in our words. Anne said, “Kindness to me is being honest with myself. Kindness is being kind to myself and recognizing my humanness and recognizing when I am depleted. Kindness starts with being kind with me.” All kindness starts from within. That’s why when we practice patience and kindness with ourselves, it makes it easier to practice that with others people in our lives. When you have love in your heart for yourself and God, that love becomes contagious and spreads like wildfire. When we create kindness in our lives, it creates a positive experience for us and the kindness can radiate into other people’s lives. Kindness is contagious.   Creating Healthy Communication in Your Marriage Sometimes in relationships, we have things that we want to say, but we don’t always express ourselves in the most efficient way. A lot of times, our emotions get the best of us and we become irrational and say things we didn’t mean. When we practice patiences and kindness, it allows us to shift the way we handle conflict. Anne gives her clients a tip to help with this. It’s called The Three C’s - Check Emotions, Communicate and Clarify, and Create Resolution. When we have something weighing us down it’s important to check in with our emotions. Slow down and check in on how you’re feeling. When we are triggered, emotions will run high causing irrational responses. Once we are able to recognize that, we can slow down to communicate and clarify our needs. This will help with creating understanding and creating resolution with our partners. Often times, in relationships, we think we are going to war with our partner. When we shift our thinking, and realize that our partners are on the same team as us, it allows us to create more love and empathy. When you give your partner the same kindness, grace, and love that you want to receive, it creates healthier communication in the partnership.     Links Mentioned in this Episode Learn more about Anne's Work Here.  Anne’s 7-Day Communication Challenge Get Your Copy of My New Workbook: Love Is . . .   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

  Love is Patient and #WorthTheWait - with J and Ginger Simpson   On today’s episode, I had the privilege to host J and Ginger Simpson for our Love Is . . . series. In this conversation we talk about growing love with patience and faith. It’s clear how much love J and Ginger truly have for each other, but it was a long journey of trusting God to get to that point. Throughout their relationship, they both spent long days and nights waiting on God and his ultimate timing to bring them together. Through trust in God, healing, patience, and waiting, God presented them with the gift of love to cherish and grow together as a married couple.    Patience Paves the Road to Love  For J and Ginger, things weren't always easy but they both practiced patience as their relationship and marriage was developed. J found himself in a deep-knowing that Ginger was the person he was meant to be with. He trusted in God to believe when the time was right, it would come.  J said “I just believed that this is my wife. Patience is the partner of faith. When you walk by faith and put on patience while you’re waiting, you are doing the will of God.” It was a long road of trusting in the plan that God had for them, but eventually J popped the question and Ginger said YES!   Stay in Faith and Do Not Waiver But things got rocky when Ginger abruptly called off the engagement. It was time for J to wait yet again. While he waited on Ginger to come around, he admitted to “getting in the flesh.” At times, he was tested but he remembered with faith, God will deliver. J said “Most people say they're in faith, but they don’t understand that faith is a process and the results are progressive.” He soon came to realize that in order to get the love he truly wanted, he must trust in God and that his path would soon be revealed. He believed that as long as he was consistent, the outcome of his faith would be rewarded. J carried patience throughout this entire journey, deeply knowing that God would send him what he needed, when he was ready. God is faithful, and when you trust in God, divine timing will deliver.   How Healing & Patience Ready Us for Love Ginger’s journey to marriage came through a different set of struggles. She wanted to ensure that she was ready to step into the love and marriage that she and J truly deserved. Ginger said “I did not want to hurt someone who had been so good to me.” She knew that J was right for her, but she didn’t want to rush into something that she didn’t feel fully ready for. Ginger said “If I would have moved forward with the spirit of rejection and abandonment [that she carried], I don’t know if we would be married right now.” Ginger spent nine years waiting for a husband. She had to trust in God’s plan that when she felt ready, there would be a sign.  But God was at work, restoring Ginger and making her ready for the love that was waiting for her. The waiting was never easy for this couple, but it was well worth it for the love they are living.   The Waiting Game of Love We can’t talk about patience without talking about waiting. When we pray for things, we expect results right away. In waiting, we are able to grow appreciation about the things we are hoping to receive. When we take our eyes off the goal and focus our eyes on trusting in God’s plan, all will fall into line. Ginger quoted the scripture “Don’t grow weary in well-doing, because in due time the harvest will come” (Galatians 6:9). The key with waiting is trusting in the plan that God has for you. Satan will try to make you grow weary, but with consistent faith, your prayers will be answered. During the waiting time, it’s about practicing patience. Patience is not about sitting back and doing nothing, it’s about doing more. More prayer, more faith, and more serving. When you throw yourself into serving God during the waiting period, the wait won’t seem like the wait. The gifts will be abundant as you practice patience and faith while waiting for God to deliver. So remember, patience is not passive. It’s active. Stay in hope as you allow love to be patient in your life and relationships.      Other Helpful Resources Related to this Episode Visit J and Ginger’s Website : The Restored Woman 5 Principles to Waiting in Hope Purchase Your copy of my newest workbook - Love Is . . .     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

What is Love Truly? Love is in the air! On today’s episode, I was joined by the lovely Kim Sorrelle. Kim is a writer, speaker, entrepreneur, and so much more. In this conversation we talk about what love truly is, learning how to love, and giving love freely without expectations of something in return. Kim helps people discover what the true meaning of love is through her work. Love is the most beautiful gift we have, and when we learn to share that gift, the love will be abundant.    The "Feeling" of Love Love is such a complex topic to talk about. It’s something we all strive to have in life. When hard times strike, love is there to pick us back up and lift us to strength. Kim said, “Love is the ultimate freedom. There is nothing freer than walking in love.” Real, true, love isn’t about fixing people, or judging people, it’s about showing up whole-heartedly with kindness, compassion, and empathy. 1 John 4 says, “We love because we have first been loved,” and this is key for us to remember: when we have an understanding of God’s love for us, we can love others. Thus, love has no boundaries.   Learning How to Love In order to give love, you must be able to receive love. Kim said “Love is universal.” We all are put on this earth to love and be loved. When you learn to give love unconditionally then the receiving of love will come naturally. Often times, we learn how to love through our family and how we were raised as children. As we watched our parents express what love was, we inherited their version of love and carried that with us as kids and into adulthood. Kim says, “You live what you learned.” As adults, it’s our job to learn what love means to us, despite what we may have learned from our parents. We have the opportunity to overcome things that prohibit us from loving and learning how to love. We have the freedom to create unconditional love in our lives without restriction.    Giving Love Without Conditions When we are craving love, we need to look at how we are giving love. Do you give love only to receive something back? Expressing the emotion of love is most powerful when there is no need to receive anything in return. When you give love to people without the need to receive it back, that is unconditional love. 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a  says “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast.” This is about honoring yourself and providing love to people who really need love in that moment. When we stop focusing on receiving something back, we can show up fully in love and help others be seen. Kim said, “Being patient is when you actually hear what people have to say, you stop and listen without having your rebuttal to go, and actually listen to them.” When you take a moment to see a human being and hear their story, that’s when the love will naturally be ignited.    Love Does Not Keep Score Some people see love as, “Because I did this for you, you need to do that for me.” Love is not about keeping score. Love is about giving freely the love that you have. When you give your love freely without keeping score, it will give back to you in abundance. Kim said “Love is what you do, love is something you are, that you give, that you live. Then there’s no score keeping.” Giving love is self-serving because when you give more, you will receive it back naturally. Scorekeeping can often show up in our marriage. In those moments we need to remember to practice patiences and grace, giving our partner the love they need in that moment. When we learn to tap into the love inside our hearts, through the guidance of God, all will prevail.      Links Mentioned in this Episode Visit Kim’s Website : Kim's Website Get my Love Is… Workbook!    SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.      Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.