Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

The Financial & Legal Benefits of Marriage (Marriage Vows Series)   “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” On today’s episode, we’re talking about the financial and legal benefits of being married. Marriage is much more than a piece of paper. However, that little piece of paper is extremely valuable and comes with rewards, responsibilities and yes, even risks. We’ll talk about many of them and debunk some myths about common law marriage and states rights.    But first, a refresher. I’m including the traditional marriage vows for you to ponder below:   I, _______, take thee, _______, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and OBEY, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law.   Being Married Comes with Benefits   If you’re married, you know that being married comes with many benefits, and let’s not overlook some of the more “non-romantic” benefits it includes like the financial and even legal benefits. On the show I include some well-known and even some lesser-known rewards of being married. And to keep it fair, I also discuss some of the risks involved with being married.   Take a listen to the full episode and let me know what other financial and legal benefits we can add to this list.     Links Mentioned in this Episode Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.                Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How Are Marriage Vows Sacred? (Marriage Vows Series)   “Dearly beloved, we are gathered together in the sight of God . . .  Today we’re diving into the weight of our marriage vows. Too often the wedding vows are treated as an afterthought for many couples. Some don’t even remember what they said on their special day. I want couples to go from reciting rote rituals to pronouncing passionate promises.   We’re launching a new season and a new series on the podcast today that will focus on each aspect of the marriage vows. I’ll be bringing some special guests along for our journey. I know you’re going to find incredible value from what they have to share. Traditional or Non-Traditional Wedding Vows To lay a foundation, I’m including the traditional marriage vows below:   I, _______, take thee, _______, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and OBEY, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law.   Now most 21st century women would rather choke on pudding than say the words “obey.” This is my story, and I’m sticking to it. Respect, yes. Obey? Nah. Still, many couples opt to write non-traditional vows or (gasp!) leave the vows out altogether. I share my thoughts on this in the episode, so be sure to listen to the full episode (it’s a short one!) and get excited as we break down each part of the marriage vows in the episodes to come.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community! History of Wedding Vows article     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.              Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Why Should I Get Premarital Coaching? (Young & Married Series)   A few years ago, I ran into an old friend who was recently engaged and about to get married. I immediately asked her who was doing her premarital counseling, and she just gave me a blank stare. Then she slowly said, “We aren’t getting premarital counseling, because we don’t want to open up a can of worms.” To my surprise and utter bewilderment, I responded, “Honey, you can either open the can of worms in premarital coaching or the can of worms will burst open during your marriage.”   Too often, couples have rose-colored glasses on when it comes to marriage and, instead of diligently doing the work of marriage, they choose to spend all their energies on the wedding and the festivities that surround that one day. I think this is a huge mistake. We’d never buy a car without first doing our research and checking its history. Nor would we invest in a home or even daycare for that matter without finding out all we can about the home or organization. How much more diligent should we be about our marriage?   Reasons Couples Choose Not to do Premarital Counseling   Some couples think “love conquers all,” and that as long as they love each other, they’ll be fine. But all it takes is a brief look at the millions of couples who divorce each year who really loved (and often still love) each other. Love is wonderful. It’s necessary. But it’s not enough. Marriage takes commitment, time, trust, selflessness, and a lot more in order to work.   Other couples have this notion that their problems “won’t be that bad,” and that as long as they believe for the best, they can overcome any problem they’ll face. While I applaud the obvious optimism here, I must say that the best defense is a good offense. You don’t learn to play the game of marriage once you’re married. You prepare for a great marriage before you get married.   Thirdly, some couples have bought into the notion of “you complete me.” That makes for a good movie line, but not so great for a life principle. Marriage isn’t about completing you. It’s about discipling you, to be honest. We’ve heard it said that “most people don’t plan to fail; they fail to plan.” True that.   What to Expect in Premarital Coaching   A good premarital coach is one who can see the big picture and help couples attack the warning signs in their relationship. In premarital counseling (coaching), couples will be asked probing questions, discuss their families of origin, talk about emotional triggers, and current problems the relationship is having.   Premarital coaching prepares couples to attack (not ignore) their issues. Pastors can provide a wealth of wisdom when it comes to the spiritual ramifications of marriage. However, not all pastors are good counselors. Marriage coaches, on the other hand, are specifically trained in all matters of healthy relationships. But not all marriage coaches will help you to understand the spiritual implications of the marriage covenant. Both are needed, and if you have a pastor and marriage coach, all the better!   This is one episode you need to share with anyone you know who is engaged to be married or about to become engaged.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class   Episode 55: How to Get Out of An Argument       SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.    Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How to Get Over an Argument Quickly (Young & Married Series)   If you’ve been married longer than 20 minutes, you’ve likely had an argument or two. The key to resolving conflict isn’t avoiding it but approaching it with a new perspective. In today’s episode, I’m giving you five takeaways for conflict resolution that will help you to get over your disagreements quicker.   Focus on the Issue at Hand So often, we get off on tangents, and instead of resolving the original conflict, we actually create more conflict because we haven’t learned how to focus on the issue at hand.   Ask, don’t accuse You can win more arguments by asking rather than accusing. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Don’t jump to conclusions, and by all means, don’t make rash accusations. I give a big coaching tip in this part of the podcast about making the “right” statements.   Have a resolution in mind What’s your end goal? How will engaging in this conversation (or disagreement) help to better your relationship? Is this a conversation that needs to happen or can you jot down your frustrations in a journal? Seriously, what’s the point of the conversation?   Don’t let the conflict linger If you feel things getting out of hand and you need to take a break, take a break, but come back! Don’t allow the conflict to linger on and on with no real resolution. I also talk about forgiveness here and how forgiveness plays out without you saying a word.   Don’t hit below the belt. I wish I didn’t have to explain this one, but oftentimes, in arguments, couples tend to say hurtful things that they can never get back. Be careful of your words, because contrary to popular thought, “Words do wound.”   You’ve got to listen to the full episode to get the full gist of today’s conversation. This might be one episode you want to bookmark to come back to later, and if your spouse is willing, listen to this episode with him/her! Remember that conflict does not destroy relationships; unresolved conflict does. So make a decision today to get over your arguments quickly to avoid conflict ruining your marriage.   Quotes mentioned in this episode: “Conflict cannot survive without your participation.  - Wayne Dyer   Links Mentioned in this Episode Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community! BONUS LINK: Setting Realistic Expectations in Your Marriage with Jenard Moore     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.            Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Ep. 54 - It’s Our Anniversary! Let's Celebrate   Marriages and relationships have been restored, new friendships have been made, and lives have been changed across 33 countries and more! I can hardly believe a year has gone by already! Our marriage podcast is growing and going thanks to you! Come along on today’s episode as we do a fantabulous year-in-review! Listen as I share some of the highlights of the past year, including favorite episodes, most talked about guests, and what’s in store for Real Relationship Talk as we enter into year two.   This special edition episode had me gleaming and beaming. Can I just say we have not missed one week of the podcast! Glory to God. Every single week we have brought you amazing guests, relevant relationship topics, and questions from our listeners. It has been such an honor to host this show. I am already working on some new things to continue to bring you my best.   Some of our highest talked about episodes include:   Episode 13 – The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships   Episode 2 – Overcoming Infidelity in Marriage – with Dr. Cyrus Williams   Episode 3 – Rebuilding Trust, Rebuilding Us – with Shaun Williams   Episode 26 – Making Love Outside the Bedroom – with Shaun Williams   I feel like we’ve only just begun! THANK YOU to those who have reviewed us on Apple Podcasts! Your recommendations go a long way! Please consider writing a review to help us reach more people with this message of hope.     Links Mentioned in this Episode Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community! Get my e-book The 5 Relationships that are Wrecking Your Life for FREE     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Is This All There Is? (Young and Married Series)   I don’t know about you, but I used to look at my marriage and wonder, “Is this all there is?” Is this the best it’s going to get? Disappointment can quickly settle in even to a new marriage and rob you of the love, joy, and wonder you felt on your wedding day. Newlyweds and long-term married couples, alike, often find themselves asking these same questions. The truth is you are the one who gets to determine the answer to that question.   In today’s episode, I share 7 relationship tips for you to begin to ask different questions about your marriage. Here are the tips:   Marriage Advice for Dealing with Disappointment   Ask yourself why are you disappointed? Go beyond your feelings. Understand that in marriage, seasons come and seasons go. Let go of what was to make room for what is. Get real with yourself. Remember that it’s about growth over perfection. Be the person you’d love to live with.   I want to encourage you to take an active stance in the formation of your marriage. Far too many spouses are passive about their own progress. You’re in the driver seat. You get to have the marriage that you work for. So, what’s it going to be?   For more on disappointment, check out Episode 40: Dealing with Disappointments in Relationships.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Get on the list for the upcoming Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

[Sweet Repeat]: Making Love Outside the Bedroom – with Shaun Williams   One of our highest-ranked podcast episodes was the episode where Shaun and I talked about making love outside the bedroom. We were 100 percent real and raw and heard from many of you how much that episode helped in your marriages. We were gearing up for a couples’ workshop (of the same name) at the time. The workshop was a huge success, and we are still hearing from couples who attended about how their intimacy (in all forms) has reached new heights.   Well, friends, I’ve been battling a respiratory infection over the last week that took away my voice, so instead of trying to prepare a new episode and introduction, Shaun took the helm on the podcast this week! He wanted to re-air the “Making Love Outside the Bedroom” episode in an attempt to butter me up once I’m better. LOL.   On a serious note, though, we share some major nuggets on this episode about communication, foreplay, understanding the emotional needs of yourself and your spouse, and so much more. Even if you’ve already heard this episode, it’s definitely worth a “sweet repeat.”   So, put the kids out of the room, pop in your earphones or AirPods, and take good notes.   Learn the art of what it truly means to make love.   To read the show notes for the original episode Making Love Outside the Bedroom, click here.   For those who weren’t able to attend the workshop live, it’s now available as a virtual e-course! Click here to access.     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!      Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Marriage Values and Forever Baes (Young & Married Series) – with Joseph and Marissa Msefya   Millennial marriages have different challenges than other marriages. Gender roles, financial responsibilities, and rapid societal changes are among just a few of the various challenges young marrieds face. Joining us on today’s podcast is Joseph and Marissa Msefya, of Forever Marriages, who offer support to millennial marriages. Because they are millennials themselves, the Msefyas have a great way to relate to other young couples.   I wanted to know why Joseph and Marissa decided to start a marriage ministry (platform). Joseph explained that in the beginning, it was really challenging for him, because he didn’t want to “put all his business out there,” plus his relationship with the Lord wasn’t really where he felt it needed to be. I think many men can relate to this. But we are so glad he pressed past his concerns, because the Msefyas dropped some major wisdom on us today.   Shared Values vs Individual Values   Marissa explained that though most married couples come to their marriages with individual values, it’s more important to have shared values. If one spouse values family, for example, more than the other, it can cause major problems. These conversations are critical, although they are often uncomfortable. This is where compromise comes in to help give the marriage direction and purpose. Joseph and Marissa encourage couples to agree on three to five shared values for their marriage and be sure to revisit them on a consistent basis.   This process is very intentional. Joseph and Marissa revealed that they hold year-end review meetings, quarterly meetings, etc. to rate their marriage, celebrate their victories, and create new goals. I love this! I believe this level of intentionality is what sets great marriages apart from the pack.     Gender Roles vs Biblical Roles in Marriage   One of the topics that Joseph and Marissa are great at sharing on is the difference between traditional (gender) roles and biblical roles. In their estimation, gender roles are negotiable and often change with the times. Biblical roles, however, are non-negotiable for the Christian, because they are based on what God says about how marriage should operate, according to Ephesians 5 and other areas of Scripture.     Lessons Learned from Being Young and Married   I wanted to know what specific lessons the Msefyas learned in their own marriage, because I realize, again, millennial marriages face unique challenges. Marissa advised she didn’t really know how important community would become in her marriage. She wasn’t prepared for that. Like many couples, she and Joseph minimized the value of “the village.” Joseph added that prior to marriage, he didn’t realize the level of intentionality behind the sexual intimacy of a great marriage. Sex isn’t always taught well, especially in the Church, and there was much to learn in this area of their marriage.   This episode is chock full of practical wisdom, so be sure to listen to the entire episode to help you or another millennial married couple to thrive in their marriage.   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Connect with Joseph and Marissa at Forever Marriages Take the Marriage is a V.E.R.B e-course   Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!     SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!    Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Family Matters – Dealing with the In-Laws (Young & Married Series)   No matter how much you love your spouse, you might not love your in-laws. Learning how to navigate these family matters is a crucial skill in a healthy marriage. Today, we’re learning about some critical questions every newlywed or young and married couple needs to ask about their spouse’s family of origin.   First off, think of your spouse’s family of origin like a marinade. What has he/she been “marinating” in for 18+years? We are all products of our families. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s important to understand your spouse’s family dynamics and how you might help them to break free of destructive patterns that could affect your marriage.   Questions to Ask About Your In-Laws   I list some helpful questions that you should ask even before you get married.   What did you most admire about your parents? What is your mom’s / dad’s greatest strength? How did your parents resolve conflict? How did your parents approach spiritual issues?   A complete list of questions to ask your spouse about your in-laws   I also share a few tips to remember whenever you’re talking to your spouse about their family. Remember “Yo Mama!” jokes? Yeah . . . it’s best not to trash talk your in-laws. That usually doesn’t go over well. Even if your spouse is upset at his/her parents, they are still his/her parents, and that loyalty runs deep. It’s better to ask curious questions and offer support than bash the family your spouse grew up in.   In this episode, I give five helpful tips for managing your expectations with your in-laws, including not “becoming little.” You’ve got to listen to this part of the episode. I know I’m speaking directly to many of you who are dealing with this now!   Take a listen to the full episode and let me know what you think by rating and reviewing the podcast.   Links Mentioned in this Episode   Facing Your Fiance’s Family of Origin The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships Need Marriage or Relationship Coaching?   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!  Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

5 Boundaries Every Marriage Needs (Young & Married Series)   Setting boundaries is so foundational in marriage, yet many couples don’t understand the necessity or process of setting them. On today’s show, we discuss friends, sexual boundaries, families of origin, and much more. The five boundaries in marriage I highlight are in no way an exhaustive list. Many other boundaries can (and should) be added to this list, but I believe these are the “big ones.”   Too many marriages suffer for lack of clear communication and clear lines. One of the many benefits of having boundaries in marriage is that each spouse knows where he/she stops and where the other spouse begins. There is so much I can say (and write) about this topic, but for brevity’s sake (and to entice you to listen to the whole show), I’ll be concise.   Do You Practice Any of these Boundaries in Marriage? General Care and Treatment Household Responsibilities In-Laws Friends Sexual boundaries   The truth is many married couples do not intentionally practice boundaries. Some don’t feel they’re positive. Some feel that “good relationships” don’t need boundaries. Still, other couples have not really ever given this topic much thought.   It is my hope that after listening to today’s podcast, you come away with a greater understanding of the need for boundaries in your marriage whether you are young or more “seasoned.” Boundaries are good. They help keep out the bad and keep in the good. And that is what healthy relationships are all about.   Links Mentioned in this Episode Read my article on Why We Need Boundaries in Relationships Is Porn Destroying Your Marriage? – Very Well Mind Porn in Marriage: Its Harmful Effects – Covenant Eyes How Pornography Distorts Intimate Relationships – MentalHelp.net Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.   SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.   Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!    Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.