How to Talk So Your Spouse Feels Seen and Heard

Ever feel like you and your spouse are talking but not really connecting? You’re saying words, but they’re not landing. We’ve all been there.

In this episode, we share five simple communication techniques—adapted from How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes—that can help you feel more seen, heard, and understood in marriage. These aren’t gimmicks or manipulative tricks. They’re practical, grace-filled ways to build trust and connection with the person you love most.

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why body language and attention matter more than perfect phrasing
• How to recognize your spouse’s bids for connection and respond well
• What it means to become a “word detective” in your marriage
• Why “thank you for…” is stronger than just “thank you”
• How to use empathy and echoing to make your spouse feel truly heard

KEY TAKEAWAYS

1. The Big-Baby Pivot: Turn your full attention toward your spouse when they speak—it communicates value and presence.
2. Be a Word Detective: Listen for clues about what interests your spouse, and ask follow-up questions.
3. Never the Naked Thank You: Always follow gratitude with for—“Thank you for doing the dishes,” not just “thanks.”
4. Echoing: Mirror key words to show empathy and understanding.
5. Employ Empathizers: Replace “uh-huh” with thoughtful affirmations like “I see what you mean” or “That makes sense.”

US TIME CHALLENGE

Pick one of the five communication techniques and practice it intentionally. Maybe it’s pivoting toward your spouse when they talk, or saying, “Thank you for…” instead of just “thanks.” Small shifts in how we speak and listen can make a big difference in how connected we feel.

STAY CONNECTED BEYOND THE PODCAST

If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss what’s next. And we’d love to hear from you! Which of the techniques are you going to try first and why? Share it with us on social media or send us a message at AshleighSlater.com.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

• “45 Birthday Questions for Yourself and Your Loved Ones” by Abby Tanner (https://www.familysearch.org/en/blog/birthday-questions)
• How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes (https://a.co/d/edP59Hc)
• The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages by Shaunti Feldhahn (https://a.co/d/a9FP4Ej)

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